Is there a "normal" or "average" when it comes to indicating interest?

[shay.shay82]

Is there such thing as a "normal" acceptable standard of indicating interest in someone? My sister and I were on the phone talking about a guy she's gone on two dates with and she is thinking about moving on. She says these are her reasons:

 

He doesn't make enough plans with her

 

He doesn't invite her out with his friends and family

 

He ONLY (emphasis mine) texts her once or twice a day to say hi

 

Sometimes he goes a day without calling.

 

I was all when she was telling me this, but it got me thinking - is there like a baseline "if this, this and this happens, he/she is interested," standard? She's 3 years younger than I am so I can't even chalk it up to being a generational thing. For me, it makes sense that a guy I've gone out on two dates with isn't inviting me yet to chill with his friends and family, yet I halfway see her point about not making any plans. They've been "talking" for about a month and have only been on two dates. I told her to do what she felt she needed to do, but I thought she was being hasty, but the idea of what was a "normal" amount of indicated interest intrigued me. My ex called me the day after our first date and away we went. But we crashed and burned rather hard, so ... it's not something that's accross the board, obviously.

[Batya33]

For me if I have gone out with two dates with someone it is a sufficient level of interest if he calls me within a week after the second date to set up a third date in advance. If he asked me to meet his friends/family I might find that to be "too much interest" and be overwhelmed.

[shay.shay82]

For me if I have gone out with two dates with someone it is a sufficient level of interest if he calls me within a week after the second date to set up a third date in advance. If he asked me to meet his friends/family I might find that to be "too much interest" and be overwhelmed.

 

I agree. I did have a guy who on the third date wanted to take me to some "family" event. I did go, grudgingly, and felt very uncomfortable and we fizzled out after that.

 

This is a great answer. I gave a similar one to her and she didn't really buy it for some reason.

[ghost69]

if i met a girl out with my friends and they were all introduced, i would think it's okay. but if i met her on my own, i definitely wouldn't be inviting her out with my friends or family yet. family is much bigger though. that's like months in. but a couple dates in a month, ehhh, i guess that is a bit less frequent than i'd do. if i was really interested.

[cc2006]

You know .. I've often wondered about this from the other side of the fence: as a guy.

 

I've got a busy schedule, so I don't have too much time to make plans, and I often have work I need to do for class that pops up out of nowhere. I can make plans to go out on Friday night (not too late, I work Saturday pretty darn early) and then on Thursday night in class get assigned a massive project that'll take up a good chunk of my whole weekend.

 

My ex used to gripe at me and claim I "was not that into her" because I didn't text her ever (I don't have a texting plan and didn't see the point in it, really) or call her randomly three times a day just to hear her voice.

 

... in the end, I chalked her attitude up to a maturity thing. She was younger than I am ... and rather immature. She has really high expectations of perfection for her relationships.

 

 

So .. I guess, similar to you, Shay, I wonder... "how much is normal" or "how much is enough"? I wouldn't want to have someone I was really interested in blow me off because she felt I wasn't meeting the 'normal' standards of mushiness and chasing after her, ya' know?

 

... on the flip side, I got so sick of my ex complaining that I "was not that into her" that I actually slowly started becoming not into her and became less interested.

 

 

 

 

 

I guess it depends on the maturity of the two people, and their schedules, and how long they've been seeing each other, and how they show interest in general.

 

If I met a girl that was totally all "he has to text me three times a day to say hello" I could never date her ... ever ... unless she dropped that screwed up requirement. LoL .. that just isn't gunna' happen, ya' know?

 

 

Sorry to babble. .. lol.

[shay.shay82]

if i met a girl out with my friends and they were all introduced, i would think it's okay. but if i met her on my own, i definitely wouldn't be inviting her out with my friends or family yet. family is much bigger though. that's like months in. but a couple dates in a month, ehhh, i guess that is a bit less frequent than i'd do. if i was really interested.

 

I getcha. She says it's been two dates, but she doesn't "count" an impromptu date that he asked he out on when he found out she was meeting her study group in his neighborhood. They had dinner and drinks, but she says she doesn't "count" it because it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been in his nabe.

 

Ah, whatever. It just got me thinking. I personally think it's a bit picky, but I'm not male and my dating history has been different. Knowing tons of guys, though, I'm not thinking a guy is going to waste time or minutes texting every day or calling nearly every day if he has zero interest in a girl, but maybe that's just me *shrug*.

[ghost69]

some girls are extremely critical and picky. and some are just nuts and clingy. i think your sister needs to open up a bit that some guys are this way and some are that way. of course if she doesn't like it move on, but i think she is a bit extreme.

[shay.shay82]

Right, I completely understand and thanks for your input. I should send my sis a link to eNotalone, lol!

 

I think that at the root of her issue is a belief that no matter what else a guy has got going in his life, if he wants you, he will find a way to have you, and anything short of him crawling over broken glass indicates lack of interest. Like ghost mentioned, for him, two dates in a month is slower than he operates for a woman he's really into. But for other guys, maybe guys like yourself who have class and work etc. (not saying ghost doesn't), it's a question of being busy and priorities. I know that I have a lot on my plate - work and class has to come before a guy I've known for a month (hypothetically). If we're in a relationship, then more concessions can be made.

 

I would agree my sister has high standards, but knowing her and her dating history, she also has a great fear of getting "overcommitted" too fast, I guess. I don't know what to tell her about a guy she's known a month who calls her just about every day and does text her every day but apparently is falling short on seeing her in person - though three times in a month, I think, is sort of a lot, but whatever. She seems to think that the "I'm busy" excuse doesn't hold water if a guy is really into a person. And again, as a guy, I can't speak to that, but as a woman who really IS busy, when I say that to a guy I'm into, I honestly just mean ... I'm really busy right now.

[stranded247]

 

He doesn't make enough plans with her

 

He doesn't invite her out with his friends and family

 

He ONLY (emphasis mine) texts her once or twice a day to say hi

 

Sometimes he goes a day without calling.

 

Jesus your sister is picky! I would personally hate it if a guy I had only just started dating was texting me three times a day. That is not normal. And even if we were futher in the relationship I would feel claustrophobic. A phonecall once a day or a text. Or maybe every other day would do me fine and seeing them two or three times a week would be great and this would be after six months for me. Does she really want to get that serious so soon?!