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There is hope after all of this

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My dear friends,


After a year of coming regularly to this website to read about people who are facing the same thing I was facing, I have some things to tell you all:


The pain, depression, dispair, lonliness - they all come and..go. Trust the Lord to help you face this sittuation, rely on one or two close friends, do not tell you problems to everyone, but make a 'formal version of it', instead life belogs to you and your kids only. Get yourself a Therapeut.It works.


Make new friends. Be ready to spend time alone when your kids are with 'you know who'. find something pleasant to do - listen to music, go for a long walk on a beautiful place, work with happiness: now you are in charge of your life, it will give you extra energy to face all the situations you have in front of you.


Believe me - you are not going to feel miserable for ever - you will find peace in your heart again, soon.


Suffering comes in waves - and they are going to get farther and farther from each other. When it comes, remember - it will go away.


God never leaves us - think of Him,ask Him to make you be aware of His help, care and presense even when you are feeling as if you are the most miserable person of the planet.


Smile. yes..smile. even if you are sad - when you smile your brain understands that you are happy, and liberates some good mood hormons in your blood. I tried. it works. do this when u are alone.


some friends will disappear, but they may come back in a while of them feel umcorfortable of asking ' what's up' when they know the problem is really, really bad. Give them a break. They will show you their love and affection when they come back, and you will feel very loved.


do not hush into a new relationship, just because u feel needy. this can make you get into more trouble. be reasonable. go out, have fun, have safe sex, if you think you should...but do not commit,unless you feel healed.


be honest with your kids. tell them you were not happy, and that you need to be happy to be a better parent... tell them you will always love them no matter what.explain you will have less money but it is a temporary situation until everyhing gets back on its tracks.


Get ready to see 'you know who' in a new relationship. do not compete! do not mistreat him/her - you are going to be the parents of your children till death do you part.


It's been almost a year now. I am calmer, more peacefull.. my kids are happier..my 'you know who' is closer to them more than he as ever been... I have just started dating again and I found out that what I was looking for (in my case I needed more affection and emotional bonds) - is possible.


May God bless you all.

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Hey Lucy


Thank you so much for the insight. I have not yet finalized my divorce but will soon.


I am currently experiencing the extreme up's and down's and am confused with where my life will go and how it will turn out. You tend to think that it will always be this way from now on. But your post suggests otherwise.


It is good to know that through all of this mess there will be light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel.



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Hey Lucy - This is fantastic.


I am hopefully in exactly the same situation you are in. Each and everything you have mentioned in your post strikes a chord with me. It seems you and I are in exactly the same position. Hope it stick


Have faith in yourself, and everything has a funny way of working itself out. So true. Time indeed is a fantastic healer. I can't say I am totally out of the woods, but I can see the grass on the other side and it looks alright.


Hope the good progress continues....

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Wow...what an inspiring post.


I feel much better than I did a year from now...and even though I have my bad days, I am very much aware of how much stronger I am.


My lowest days now are a FAR CRY from where they were back in the summer, where I swear I was to hell and back. Those were the low of the low.


I know I am on the upside of things now. Much stronger...and getting stronger every day.


Thank you for posting this.



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Thank you for your post. As someone who is in the early stages of a divorce, I can say that I am truly feeling the pain of loss, loneliness, etc. It has been very hard to cope with at times, but with the help of family and a close friend, it has become easier....at times. I can relate how the waves hit and the emotional scale goes all over the place.

I had already taken your suggestion and have "reconnected" with God and I really believe He has been a big help in my recovery, although I know I have miles and miles to go.

I hope that I will find that peace with myself in time, as you have found. It seems like a very faint light at the end of an incredibly long tunnel right now.

Thank you for helping me and the other posters on here to keep the faith.

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  • 2 months later...

Dear friends,


I am glad each of you found some comfort in my words.


Now I am facing money discussion with my ex, to try to get to a better amount for the kids(in Brazil where I live the ex spouse can also ask for allowance, but I gave up on that and also on many things, but the kids need more than he has been giving them..)


it is depressing to see a man who I lived with 23 years (dating and married to) being cheap to his own kids... this makes me sick. yuck!


so, as you can see, after the tsunami has hit me, I still have issues. Many, in fact. I have mentioned how my self steem is lower than low... but it is a process you know? I have face so much and now.. I am being rebuilt.


I am in peace, and I want you all to get 'there' to.


a huge hug from the tropics!



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