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Got a confession but not full disclosure


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I am a 50+ white educated male who has been involved with the same woman for 5+ years. We have been together practically every weekend. She is 35 min away and we are both busy so we don't see each other much during the week. I do all of the driving and she has always confirmed that she is happy. Problems erupted over the holidays and I noticed inconsistencies. I kept digging and digging and sure enough as I threaten to walk out - she confessed to a date over the holidays and a "brief" sexual encounter 2 1/2 years ago when she had a problem that I pointed out and she couldn't deny. The kind of a problem you get when you misbehave. It was explained away at the time but now she had to fess up. Well I have now discovered that it was not brief and I am seeing her this week and ask her to give me full disclosure. I think that she will balk. It is starting to look like a pattern of serial affairs all the while claiming to be madly in love with me. She is professional and she is obsessive about her privacy and about being organized. She tries to be perfect always and yet I am constantly allaying her doubts about herself and giving her support. I am naturally giving and attentive and I have just realized that I am carrying more than my share. I am over the initial shock and I am willing to forgive but without her telling me everything I can't move forward. I am caught between leaving a potentially wonderful future with a new beginning and having to stay firm and require the full truth which does not seem to be forthcoming.

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You may be naturally giving, but there are some things that you should just not give.


If you hadn't of dug into what was happening would she have just come out and told you?


I think not.


She was not, and never will be, honest about this.


You will hear enough to satisfy you, but you will NEVER hear it all.


I'm sorry, but you need to take your well educated backside somewhere else.


Do not give away your own self respect to this woman.

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I agree with Niceguyloses. While some people can learn their lesson after an affair, this woman seems to have had more than one affair and is being very dishonest. I would also say that it is unfair of you to always be the one to drive to see her (I assume she has a car). If you are carrying more than your share in this relationship it is time to re-evaluate things. It doesn't sound like she is a giving partner...she just wants to take from people. It also doesn't sound like she is a very happy person. Happy people tend to give more to others...unhappy people tend to be selfish takers with no sense of other people's boundaries and needs.

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Why shouldn't she be happy, she has a professional, caring and mature person who is only too happy to give them the world and is selfless enough not to ask too much in return. Of course she's happy, you come to her, always and are happy to do it. I'm not faulting you for that, it's a wonderful trait to have, so I would suggest giving it to someone who will appreciate it and not use it against you. Nice guy loses is right, she won't tell you everything because you may leave if she does and for that matter, why would you want to forgive a serial cheater? That is needlessly endangering your own life, it isn't a good idea as even if you forgive her now, there is no way even in this day and age that you can watch her 24/7.


Some things stood out at me in your posts, especially about her being obsessive in regards to her privacy. Makes me wonder what she has on the go when you are away. All things considered that you have posted thus far, best to make this relationship a past memory before you end up with an unwated and possibly terminal 'present'.


Good Luck

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