It's the little things...

[Russ]

I'm getting a regular habit of posting a new girlfriend problem every goddamn day, aren't I? Guess it's how I vent.

 

Anyways, anyone not seeing my last posts, I've messed up, gotten a second chance, and today was it.

 

I think I messed up again.

 

The ENTIRE night went great. She was happy, etc. I was happy too. When we got home, we kinda fell down on the couch, and in about 5 minutes, we were all over each other. She got my shirt off, and got my pants off, and was simply just rubbing to get me in the mood. When I actually started getting her pants of, she kinda stopped me. I figured she wasnt in the mood, so I let it go and went to watch tv. She comes out, and asks me whats wrong. I tell her its okay, etc, and we eventually get to talking about the sex. She tells me that we agreed on March, even though she already broke that with me on Eve. I told her that she kind of starts it each time, and she acknowledged it. Eventually, I said something really stupid. It was said in completely the wrong context, but when I get nervous, Im not a smooth talker anymore. She had one other buyfriend she's had sex with, and she told me something like, "You dont know how long you have to wait for me."

 

Let me tell you before you say anything, Im a goddamn idiot. I didnt mean it in the way that she's being loose, or anything. I spoke on a completely different point. I cant for the life of me remember what it was right now, or even the quote.

 

Anyway, I instantly apologized. She got frosty, and I gave her a few apologies and left her alone.

 

This is the part I'd like paid attention to.

 

She called me over after a few minutes. Just looked at me. I explained to her that I didnt mean it at all like that, and that I was really sorry about even saying that. She kind of ignored it, and wouldnt let me touch her. So I just started watching TV beside her.

 

A few minutes later, she turned my head, and looked at me again. I went through the same general routine.

 

She decided to leave. She said, "You asked for another chance and promised not to mess it up. You did." I asked her not to leave on this kind of note, that we should talk, but she didnt pay attention and at first, she was saying, "Dont have to walk me home, just go take a hot shower, etc, etc."

 

I wanted to walk her home anyway. I tried one more time, to ask her what was wrong. She goes, "So many little things are just building up. I..."

 

and she trailed off. I already understood she was considering breaking up.

 

We finished walking, and i simply turned her around, told her I loved her, and that I was sorry I messed up. And left.

 

So what in hell does she want from me? I know I messed up. It was my fault, but goddamn it, how harsh can you be. I dont think she saw that it really hurt me when we fought about this in particular.

 

To top it off, one of her friends constantly says different things to everyone as she's shown extensive proof that she's got a thing for me. The other best friend has a boyfriend of 5 years, and apparently is going through with him, the same thing my girl is going through me. Which isnt encouraging, since she'll probably take her path. I dont know what that is yet, but if I want to save this relationship, I should probably talk to her.

 

Anyway, Im really getting sick of this. Ive blocked her on MSN, and dont really want to return her calls/txts, though those havent started yet. Ill write it off as giving her lots and lots of space. I want to eventually tell her, maybe in a week or so, that we should either settle this and thoroughly talk about it all, since I dont want to hurt her unintentionally like I seem to do so often lately, or to simply break up, because it hurts like hell every time we fight like this, as it never happens.

 

Is this the right path to go?

[doyathink]

'I'm getting a regular habit of posting a new girlfriend problem every goddamn day, aren't I?'

Ok, this part had me rolling. sorry, but it's funny how you said it.

 

she's playing games with you. If she doesn't want sex, then why the hell start it!!!

You need to make it clear to her to stop that. Tell her not to touch you unless she plans on doing something about it.

[Russ]

'I'm getting a regular habit of posting a new girlfriend problem every goddamn day, aren't I?'

Ok, this part had me rolling. sorry, but it's funny how you said it.

 

she's playing games with you. If she doesn't want sex, then why the hell start it!!!

You need to make it clear to her to stop that. Tell her not to touch you unless she plans on doing something about it.

 

Yes, when Im upset, the defence mechanism is humour. When Im nervous, excited, happy, content... you get the idea. I go for humour.

 

Anyways, Im afraid there wont be a next time. Im not ready to let her go, but I cant find of any good reasons as to why not. Im just not. From what I've seen, we're at a close end to our relationship from both viewpoints, and if I simply stand by, she'd do the breaking up and save me the trouble. If I actually want to save the relationship, I've got to start making plans to launch.

 

Is it strange that the only reason I cant let her go is because I do love her? I mean, she depresses me, plays with me, etc, etc. Not exactly the resume of a keeper. And yet I cant seem to let it go.

 

I dont know what to do.

[doyathink]

Thats just it. Most of us just hang on because we like what is familiar, and it's hard to let them go...even when love just isn't enough.

 

Let me tell ya, I wasted 8 years of my life hanging on because I loved him. In the end, love didn't save us...and we were miserable.

 

If you have so much doubt. Let her go. That may be what it takes to bring her back. all of her back!

[karvala]

Eventually, I said something really stupid. It was said in completely the wrong context, but when I get nervous, Im not a smooth talker anymore. She had one other buyfriend she's had sex with, and she told me something like, "You dont know how long you have to wait for me.

 

I don't get what you said wrong, because the quote appears to be a confused; you don't mention what you said. If your crime was to mention the fact that she's had sex with one previous boyfriend, and so why is she holding out on you, you didn't do anything wrong in my view; it's a perfectly legitimate question, and between two intelligent adults should merit a sensible discussion, not a childish "I'm taking my ball and I'm going home" response.

 

I agree with doyathink; she is playing games with you, testing the water to see if you're still available, and then trying to use it as power over you. It could be described as emotional abuse. If I were you, I'd really take a hard line on this one, leave her alone, and when she gets in touch, tell her you're tired of walking on egg shells, and if she wants to be with you she needs to drop the abuse and start treating it as a partership, not a power trip. There are no "winners" in a relationship, but she doesn't seem to have grasped that yet.

[knightNshiningarmor]

seems to me she just got hurt over a comment and wasnt ready to forgive so quickly...i dont think you should block her but i think you have to sit her down and let her know that this cant be a real relationship if when ever any little thing goes wrong she storms out and tosses out threats of ending the relationship to boot.. thats not how adults handle their disagreements.

[ghost69]

i'd let this girl go man. she says awkward things you are always questioning. she doesn't have sex with you yet messes with you like she is ready to get it on. so unfair. also, when there is a problem, she seems to not want to talk about it. she runs from her problems. and somehow twists it up to make it look like your fault every time.

 

you need to quit with all the apologizing. you are frustrated with this girl. you say what is on your mind. she needs to get over herself. if i was you, i'd of been out a long time ago.

[Russ]

Then that's the plan of action.

 

Im simply tired of talking to her for the next while. I've got big money contracts, so Ill just cut her out of my life for a bit, since I dont need her messing up the rest of my life. Maybe the slight NC will numb me to prepare to break it off.

 

After, I loved karvala's quotes, so I plan to use those.

 

Thanks to everyone.