WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hi everyone, I hope someone can give me some advice... here's the situation: I have been chatting with this man since August. We have been chatting and emailing daily or almost daily. Even when we talk about daily life and ourselves, our traditions and countries (we have a very strong connection) our communication is 98% erotic chats and emails. He has always told me that I'm the hottest and the sexiest, that he had never met someone like me, and that no one else of his online friends makes him feel the way I do. Last Sunday we were chatting and he said that I was teasing him. I kept telling him that it was just a fantasy, nothing personal. He insisted on the same over and over, and at the end he said that he had been uncomfortable. I said I was sorry and that I never meant to make him feel bad. The following day I found an email from him (as almost every morning) saying that he didn't know what to think and that I had been acting weird and that I was different. I replied saying that I didn't know why he was still so upset and why he was so disturbed, that everything was fine. Then I sent him a card to let him know that everything was fine and that what was wrong was on his mind. Later that day he wrote saying that "he needed a break, that maybe because he was under a lot of pressure at work and that he was not in the mood to be nice and pretend that nothing was going on", he said "I hope that you don't get angry, forgive me!". I replied of course and told him that I was very disappointed that because of one chat that he hadn't liked he had forgotten that we had had many other very good ones and all the other things that had made us friends; that it was too bad that one bad thing (according to him) blinded him to all the fun and good moments we had shared before. I said "let's see who misses who more... you know the answer already because no one of your friends can give you what only I can give you, and you very well know that". I agreed to take a break, that maybe then he would realize that he was making a fuss over nothing and that I would contact him when I had thought things through. I'm very disappointed and I don't feel like talking to him at all. I don't know when or if I will contact him again; maybe time will make me feel "less angry", but I would really like it if he realized that he is the one who's wrong and to accept that he is being stupid... what should I do? Thank you in advance! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 It sounds like you are mislabeling this person as an online friend when it is someone you just cybers_x with. thereforeeee, you can't expect him to stick around if he is not happy with 98% of your interactions or no longer interested in those interactions (my guess is he has many other women he does this with or wants to so if he gets annoyed with you for whatever reason there is someone else available or waiting in the wings). nothing blinded him - he just figures that if there is any stress or annoyance involved he can turn to any one of his other "on line friends" as he calls them and get off just the same. What I would ask myself if I were you is why this interaction has any benefits to you since you seem to want a friend and are settling for being a cyber-s_x "buddy." Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 We have talked about many things, not only cybers_x, even when that's 98% of the time. I think that the reason he gave me for taking a break is a very poor and stupid one, and he may have some women with whom he does this, but after we met he only chats with me because of what I mentioned. I have no doubt that he really never met someone like me and numberless times he has told me and proven that to me. We enjoy each other's company and we spend good times... I don't understand why this stupid attitude now. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 We have talked about many things, not only cybers_x, even when that's 98% of the time. I think that the reason he gave me for taking a break is a very poor and stupid one, and he may have some women with whom he does this, but after we met he only chats with me because of what I mentioned. I have no doubt that he really never met someone like me and numberless times he has told me and proven that to me. We enjoy each other's company and we spend good times... I don't understand why this stupid attitude now. i promise you he has other women he chats with.... Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 I know that. He knows I chat with other men too. And he knows too, as I said, (because we stopped chatting for a couple of weeks a few months ago too) that when he doesn't chat with me he doesn't chat with anyone else... why? because he doesn't get with anyone else what he gets with me. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I know that. He knows I chat with other men too. And he knows too, as I said, (because we stopped chatting for a couple of weeks a few months ago too) that when he doesn't chat with me he doesn't chat with anyone else... why? because he doesn't get with anyone else what he gets with me. if you believe him.....i never knew any man or woman that would refuse a chance for hot chat once they got into that realm Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 I do believe him... here's something he told me not too long ago: "I love to chat with you, I miss our chats so much when we can't chat for one or another reason! If you are not available I don't even get online, no one else can compare!" I can't explain why no one else gives him what I give him... I just can tell that I have a gift with words. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I do believe him... here's something he told me not too long ago: "I love to chat with you, I miss our chats so much when we can't chat for one or another reason! If you are not available I don't even get online, no one else can compare!" I can't explain why no one else gives him what I give him... I just can tell that I have a gift with words. so did Charles * * * * ens.......believe me it was easy to move onto the next cyber/phone mate......and after a while i got bored with the whole process Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 honey you are a free sex chat line for him... this is not a real relationship. you don't see him, meet with him, your talks are 99% sex... why are you worried about being 'special' to him? he can log off with you and log on with someone else in a second. if you enjoy this kind of cybersex by all means do it, but don't expect a relationship out of it. it just doesn't work that way... Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 I think you're right anyway... I don't know what to do. Right now I'm very upset. Should I email him saying that I don't want to talk with him again? Should I wait until I cool off? Should I give him a really long break so that he realizes that he's being stupid? Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I think you're right anyway... I don't know what to do. Right now I'm very upset. Should I email him saying that I don't want to talk with him again? Should I wait until I cool off? Should I give him a really long break so that he realizes that he's being stupid? since he was the one to end it, wait for him......nothing lower than a woman begging for cyber/phone sex IMO Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I think you should give yourself a really long break and be thankful that you dodged a bullet. You let yourself get attached to a cybering interaction. Please do yourself a favor, get out into the real world and away from these cyberchats that revolve around one subject because it seems to me that the benefits you are getting from it are far outweighed by the disadvantages including the emotional ones. No need to email him - that is what you do with someone you have a friendship with (whether on line or otherwise) - here the friendship was simply what you called it and he called it to sugarcoat the real basis. Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 Should I just disappear and never write again? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Yes, because that is what is most healthful for you, it seems. Once you shift your mindset from "friend" to cybers_x partner you will see that "disappearing" is perfectly fine. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Should I just disappear and never write again? i told both women i was "involved with" it was over....on begged to keep on and the other told me to find God.......i left that message board and got rid of their phone numbers i miss them less everyday Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Taking a break can be a good thing - it offers a lot of perspective. What I suggest doing is taking the time you're on break from each other to get involved in other things. Go out to a movie, call up some friends, take a dance class - do something with people distinctly not computer-based. Focus on yourself. Oh, and him getting something from you that he can't get anywhere else seems to be really based in that 98% of your conversations that is sexual. "We have a good sex life" isn't, sadly, an automatic guarantee of faithfulness - check out the infidelity forum here and you'll see what I mean. Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 As far as the cyber-sex relationship is concerned - I don't quite see why he seems to be getting blamed for something here - weren't you both doing exactly the same thing and both getting exactly the same things from it? I am also not clear what it was that you said that upset him? Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 We were chatting (one of our erotic chats) and he kept saying that I was taking too long and was just teasing him. It seems that he gave a lot of importance to something that didn't have it, so he said that he needed a break because he didn't know what to think about that chat, that "he didn't feel good about it" and "not in the mood of pretending that nothing was going on". Nothing was going on, at least as far as I am concerned. He is making a fuss over nothing. By the way, he said that he would take a break. Then I said that I would contact him (which I may not do) when I had thought this through. Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Is it possible that you were teasing and taking it too far to the point he felt you were playing games to deliberately frustrate him. I don't know about this sort of thing (cyber-sex) but i would imagine it could be easy for even more miscommunication than in person. Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 Is it possible that you were teasing and taking it too far to the point he felt you were playing games to deliberately frustrate him. I told him that it had been a fantasy, just like the others we perform when we chat, and that I never meant to make him feel bad and that I was sorry if I had. I also told him that he was giving too much importance to something that didn't have it but he kept on making a fuss over that. That's what made me upset. Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I told him that it had been a fantasy, just like the others we perform when we chat, and that I never meant to make him feel bad and that I was sorry if I had. I also told him that he was giving too much importance to something that didn't have it but he kept on making a fuss over that. That's what made me upset.Well, it seems it was important to him and telling him it wasn't probably just made him more angry. You did the right thing by apologising but then spoiled it by essentially telling him his feelings were invalid. Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 I replied of course and told him that I was very disappointed that because of one chat that he hadn't liked he had forgotten that we had had many other very good ones and all the other things that had made us friends; that it was too bad that one bad thing (according to him) blinded him to all the fun and good moments we had shared before. I said "let's see who misses who more... you know the answer already because no one of your friends can give you what only I can give you, and you very well know that". I agreed to take a break, that maybe then he would realize that he was making a fuss over nothing and that I would contact him when I had thought things through. Thank you, DN... now I see more clearly... and so, since I told him that (the quote), what should I do now? Who's right and who's wrong? Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Don't make it an issue of who's right and who's wrong. Make it a communication breakdown that can be repaired by saying " Both of us seem to have misunderstood what happened - I am sorry that you were upset, I hope you feel the same about me. Why don't we put that behind us and do better in the future?" Link to comment
WorkoutAddict Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 Sounds good... is it right to wait a little? Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Nope - do it now. If you wait it looks like you got scared rather than wanting to put it right straight away. Link to comment
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