Emmabumble Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I'm new to all this but definitely need to know I'm not alone here... my fiance (been together 4 yrs, engaged 2 yrs) and I broke up last week when I received an email from some girl who found me on link removed to ask how I knew her boyfriend. Many emails back and forth later and it turns out they've been "online dating" for a while and had arranged to meet up. So I broke it off, gathered my things and left for my parents' house and he didn't complain. Later that night, the whole break-up pain kicked in and I was on the phone begging him back. But he said no and that this was for the best. Five days later, I agree but cannot stop contacting him. Two more girls have since emailed me to say the same thing. He's a very big user of the internet - in fact, this has been the source of many an argument between us - and he'd rather sit at his pc than be with me. So I should've known something was keeping him there. But he met some girl two days after we broke up and I think they're seeing each other a bit now. This is breaking my heart and I'm not coping. He and I have been in touch but it's getting * * * * * y between us and now I just can't sleep or eat, I have anxiety ALL DAY and night and I need advice from you guys. Emma xx Link to comment
duchesstigerlily Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hi Emma, I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. Please keep in mind that this *will* pass with time and that you wont *always* feel this way. I know that probably doesnt help much right now but the saying "this too shall pass" has relevance. I think you got out of this relationship at the perfect time. He clearly is not someone to be trusted and obviously does not have your best interest at heart and you dont want to be married to someone like that. You want to be with someone who truly loves you, respects you and wants nothing but to be faithful to *you* and this description certainly doesnt fit your fiance. If he wasnt happy with your relationship then he should have been man enough to end it rather then looking for someone else on the internet. I would concur that someone spending a lot of time on the net rather then being with their partner is probably up to no good and it certainly can be an early warning sign of bad things to come. Anyway, a break up is never, ever easy and especially in circumstances where it seems that the other person had moved on before the relationship was even over. Take comfort in your family and friends and *dont* contact him. Calling him begging for a reconciliation is just giving him the power to be an a$$ and to further abuse you mentally and emotionally. In time, you will see that this *was* the best thing for you although I know it doesnt seem that way now. Link to comment
richmonder80 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Emma, Be strong, you can get through this. The fact that you didn't get married to him is a blessing in disguise. He has been cheating on you all along even if he had not physical contact with them, emotionally he was already gone and was deciving you. You DO DESERVE better. YOu are not alone in this situation and will not be alone. A good man will come into your life that is deserving of you. Dont let your fear of being alone get you back into this cheating relationship. The fact that he is cheating on multiple women is clear and evident that he will cheat again and again. I do not want to make any assumptions but I can bet that he has been physical with these women and nothing is going to stop him from stopping it. Hang in there. Ask support from your family and talk to them out the situation. Don't let shame prevent you from speaking to your friends and family about this. Talking about it will help you heal. He did this not because you weren't worth it. He did it because he was selfish and didn't care for you. You did not drive him to do this. It was his own free will. You are not to blame. He is to blame. He is the cheater and you should not ask for him back. You have to move on and you have the strength to. We are all here to support you and help you get through. Link to comment
ut_longhorn Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Emma...I can empathize on how much you're hurting and I'm sorry things had to work out that way for you. 4 years is quite a long time and I'm sure you're devastated. I think the biggest hurdle to get over is the hoping things will work out. I mean, your heart may want this man back to regain that sense of familiarity of a relationship, but do you logically want someone back after what he's done in your relationship? Please do not contact him. It will make things much worse. There's a million websites on how to cope with breaking up, but honestly..time is the only true healer. But remember, the faster you implement no contact, the faster you will start to heal. Good luck lady. You've got some tough times ahead of you, but you will come out a stronger person. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 i think you will be better off with him.....just think how in 6 months you will have met a new guy that pays attention to you Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hi Emma, I know firsthand how you are feeling, the pain you are going through, and the disappointment you must be feeling right now. My fiance broke it off with me in September, and started dating someone immediately after. I think they were talking online before our breakup occurred and that she played a role in it. I also know all the mixed emotions you have swirling in your head -- you love him, you hate him, you want to be with him, you never want to see him again, etc. Take care of yourself. I am 4 months out of the breakup and am still sad about it BUT I am not as upset with it as when it first happened. The pain and loss is still there, but it is not as all-encompassing as it once was. Take it day by day, hour by hour. Do not think too much about the future right now. Just focus on being good to yourself and knowing that you deserve so much better. If you ever need to talk or vent, just PM me. We're here for you. Link to comment
Emmabumble Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks guys, it's good to know I'm not the only one. I made myself throw up this morning with anxiety, I'm getting fed up of waking up with knots in my stomach every day! Link to comment
MCR7 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 You poor doll. I am so sorry about this. I just sent you a PM. Everyone here has really given you some straight talking, relevant, helpful advice. And as I said in my message, you have just dodged a major bullet - there is a God! If you need to cry your eyes out do it. As often as you need to. Tears can be a great shower for the soul. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Oh Emma... You are NOT alone... My marriage ended after 12 years (we were together for 23) because my husband started meeting woman on porn sites IN PERSON for sex. I too left and lived with my parent's before I got my own place. That was a whole year ago. You can read some of my old posts if you like...just click on my name and click on "read more posts by user"...I have posted my story so many times I think everyone is sick of reading it by now. But I feel your pain. I wish I could make it go away but I can't. I can only tell you this...the path your are walking on, many here have walked before you, and we are HERE for you. Stay close to this board. Post often. Read stories. It's true...You Are Not Alone. I wish you the very best...and...THANK GOD YOU DID NOT MARRY HIM! ~Alllie Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Emma, How are you doing today? Link to comment
Emmabumble Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Hi guys, yeah I'm ok today thanks. Feeling a little bit more positive, went to the house but there was a blackout from the stormy weather so we couldn't take everything we wanted to. Both my parents came with me so that helped a bit, but I'll wait now until he has moved out next week before I get the rest of my stuff. The lease is up on the place next week, so I'll be guaranteed not to bump into him. Your support is really appreciated everyone, thank you! xx Link to comment
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