When to draw the line......??

[charger2057]

My girlfriend and I have been fighting over a certain issue.

 

I am an instructor and she is a student. We have been dating for 9 months. Everyone at the school here knows it and is fine with it except for her instructor.

 

He has confessed his crush on her a while back and she has told me that she shrugged it off and will never date him.

 

But lately it bothers me when she spends alone time with him or even with another student while in his bedroom. We all live on a small campus with dorm rooms and one central building for classrooms.

 

When I do lessons I always do them at the central building. But this other instructor does them all in his room. I don't like the thought of my girlfriend in his dorm room doing lessons.

 

For example they were together at 11pm tonight. I try and call and she does not always answer right away or makes and excuse.

 

I already set down the rules that she is not to be in his room by herself and she refuses. And says, "what am I supposed to step out of the room each time one of the other student's leaves" I said yes or tell the instructor to teach you in the classroom like everyone else!!!!!

 

AM I WRONG HERE OR WHAT?

[Norcalguy]

I think you have a completely valid reason for feeling uncomfortable with the situation. I mean, especially after he confesses to have a crush on her. It sounds like it's going to cause you more anxiety than it's worth eventually. I say ask her once again, and tell her you don't like her spending alone, one on one time with this other guy, and if she doesn't respect your feelings as you would hers, I think that gives you a good idea of where the relationship is going..

[beth116]

If you can't trust her, then you have issues in your relationship that go deepr than another person being interested in her.

 

You need to step back and look at the situation, and ask yourself: are you treating her as an equal, or are you seeing her as someone who you can control- do you find it hard to separate from being an authority figure?

 

It sounds as though she is being rebelious, but perhaps that is in response to your attempts to put limits on what she can and can't do?

 

I am living with my partner, and originally he was a lecturer at my university where I was an undergraduate. He never tries to put limits on what I do or who I hang out with, and treats me as an equal. If he tried to say I couldn't be in a room with someone, I'd tell him where to go, personally.

 

Just maybe have a talk with her and find out what is really going on- if she is interested in someone else, there's not much you can do, and it may be better to end thing before they get ugly. If she isn't straying from you, and loves you then she needs to be more considerate of your feelings and maybe tell this other guy to back off.

 

good luck whatever you do

 

Beth

[knightNshiningarmor]

at the same time i think you knew what you were getting yourself into with this kind of environment. i think its hard for her in such a small school to attempt to alienate herself from someone especially someone who is her instructor. and im sure you dont like when people your are trying to teach leave the room to talk on the phone. Scary thought you might have to just trust her...if she messes around with the guy better to know she is that kind of person not then to find out later...you cant keep her away from the chances just hope that when she is encountered by them she makes the right decision.

[Entropy Smith]

The term for what you are doing is fratenization. Regardless of how close in age there is a power imbalance with you being an instructor and her a student. By getting jealous and laying down "rules" you are trying to control her behavior, a sign of insecurity, which ironically will play into your competitor fratenizer's hands.

 

What kind of school is this where instructors date students openly and have lessons in dorm bedrooms? Your lucky she's not Sicillian or you might get a visit from one of her male relatives in a deserted alley on a dark and dreary night.

[FreedomRing]

The term for what you are doing is fratenization. Regardless of how close in age there is a power imbalance with you being an instructor and her a student. By getting jealous and laying down "rules" you are trying to control her behavior, a sign of insecurity, which ironically will play into your competitor fratenizer's hands.

 

What kind of school is this where instructors date students openly and have lessons in dorm bedrooms? Your lucky she's not Sicillian or you might get a visit from one of her male relatives in a deserted alley on a dark and dreary night.

 

Totally agree...thats what I was thinking too....?? That was hilarious btw.

[v-neck]

Yea this sounds a bit tacky, sorry to be so bold in saying so, but that's how I feel. You need to reconsider your relationship, maybe an older women who is more serious and respectful.

[ghost69]

a gf that hangs out with another guy a lot raises a flag to me. but then saying he has a serious crush on her and she still continues to do it? i'd be out. what does he have that i don't? ya know?