My son's Mom and I Just can't get along.

[mrborland80]

About 4 years ago I met a girl and we started dating. Towards the end of the relationship, she became pregnant and I also found out she was seeing another guy.

 

Through her own processes of elimination, she had determined that it was the other guy's child, not mine. It was common knowledge throughout her pregnancy that it wasn't my child, however I still took care of her because I still loved her.

 

Well, she had the baby and after about 2 months (at this point we had stopped talking and I was seeing someone else) the guy took a paternity test, as did I. Well, the child actually is mine.

 

So for the last 2 1/2 years, our relationship has been a really terrible rollercoaster ride. We have tried multiple times to reform our relationship but always end up getting into an extremely immature argument and not talking for a while.

 

The facts are that we do love each other and we do want to be together, but haven't found a way for that to work. I'm also realizing that this is hurting our son, he's going to become more and more confused as he gets older.

 

I want to do what is best for him, and I really don't think that involves a court-ordered visitation schedule, and she feels the same way. She lives 200 miles away. That can only be the last resort imo.

 

Anyone have any input?

[AnxiousGirl]

My ex and I have achild together and we don't see eye to eye a lot of the time. It's very difficult when you find yourself in this sort of situation. You should try to be civil towards one another for the sake of your child. You sometimes have to suck it up and do what's right.

 

She lives 200 miles away? How could you try to make it work from a distance? Have you ever thought about relocating for your sons sake? Children need consistency. He won't understand if you visit him once every few months or whatever. You and your ex should establish a schedule so you can be an active part in your sons life.

 

If you can't be with her and make it work then you should continue to be a part of your sons life. Sometimes it's healthier this way. Your son will have more problems and more confusion in his life if you and your ex are constantly fighting.

[KAT MOMMY]

Mrborland80

Well the fact that she wanted the kid to be another guys tells you that she is not at all sincere. Please excuse me if this delivery is brash but I been there and done that for 6 years and there's no use sugar coating the situation.

 

For one the distance is an issue. For two she really can't be trusted because she was sleeping with two guys unprotected at the same time and didn't know who's baby it was. Third of all if a person loves you there is nothing that can keep them away from one another and being that she has your child she should want the little boy to be able to know his father. i really dislike females of this type because they always seem to push a good man to his limits and then soon that man is tainted.

 

The child should be your focus. Forget about the love or being with her only because she is not ready-simple. she says she wants it so she can still have you around, she says she loves you so you won't hate her. i know the son is very confused and he has every right to be. If it is his best interest you are looking out for then go and get visitation rights and do it the right way because if you think it will get better I am living proof that it gets worse. So to avoid any regrets do it the right way and dont' even bother trying to make her understand she can't, she won't and that's because she doesn't want to.

 

Good luck