newmommyagain Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 In the beginning it was great, although it was a long distance relationship. We dated for about 8 months and he proposed to me, ofcourse I said yes! I have known the guy for about 10 yrs, and he was very polite and genuinely cares about me. After he proposed he decided to move to the state where we now live in and we have been together for the past 3 years. These past 3 years, we gave birth to our son, and we have had many ups and downs, but ofcourse I am the only one that brings them to light. See is he a very passive person, and doesn't really talk about real issues. He prefers to talk about the new car we should buy, or the latest technology, typical guy? LOL! I love him and I love him with all my heart that I know and understand that he is a quiet person, and I give him that space. He is a good man, takes care of his home and his responsibilities. Yet we have a serious communication problem, one that leaves me very stressed out and to the point that I am depressed, so its a health issue which is very aware of. I feel as though he makes himself physically and emotionally unavailable. Although I get the usual kiss, hug, and smile when he leaves to work or comes home. He is very cute in the aspect, but when it comes to intimacy it gets even more complicating, and hurtful because he lacks interest. Which is odd, we are a young couple, and YES he is faithful and not GAY! It's just he is very tired all the time, or just wants to relax. Yet I am one that is sexual and it doesn't mean I want it 4 days a week but maybe 2 times a month if that? I have tried talking to him about this, and I never get a response in return. I have tried buying games, books, and even being the one that initiates contact, but nothing works. The part where it gets hurtful is when I basically spill my heart out and it is like I am talking to brick wall, I could lay in bed crying, sobbing and he just lays there and tries to fall asleep. And he says he does not get why I get sad, but I have gone as far as sitting down and analyzing myself. About a week ago I wrote him a short 4 sentence letter, cause he doesn't like reading.. and said I get sad because of this and that, most importantly I get sad because you belittle my emotions, when all I am trying to do is just love you. And its not about the sexual thing, he is like this with everything or any of our issues. It's like do I drop it, keep my feelings to myself, but yet its making me unhappy, cause I need someone that can hear me out, and reciprocate their love by engaging themselves with what I am feeling at the moment. A simple honey we'll talk about it when I am more comfortable would suffice, but his indifference hurts like a MOTHER! As you can see I am one that tries to talk our issues out, and likes to put them to the light..so that we can work on them as a team, and I do not want him to feel repremended, he is not my child but my partner. So I come on here (online) to find ways to fix my lil dilema. I know I can't change him, and I am not trying to, I just want a little effort, and most importantly some empathy. I love this man, and I know he loves me, but I feel like I am not loving myself enough at times. I cook, I clean, I take care of our son, I work, I contribute and never do I demand, but just ask. What more can I do? Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Can you look into perhaps going to couples counseling together to see if you can work through these issues together? Also, it wasn't clear to me if you two were married yet, or still just engaged? Link to comment
alcide Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 At times we need t try to understand our love ones, instead we does be so quick to think the negative but dont give up just give time to come around and open up, made the relationship needs more communication. Still tell your patner how you feel. Link to comment
newmommyagain Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 We are still engaged, because I really want to work through these issues first. I am trying my best to be patient, cause the relationship is worth it but it is such a struggle. Link to comment
alcide Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 We are still engaged, because I really want to work through these issues first. I am trying my best to be patient, cause the relationship is worth it but it is such a struggle. NO RELATIONSHIP IS EASY BABE REMEMBER FOR ALL YOUR PROBLEMS THERE ARE PEOPLE GOING THROUGH WORST. Link to comment
moreloveinside Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 well... you need to go forward into the future in your mind... and ask how many years of this will you be able to handle?? when will enough be enough?? when you finally have had enough: how old will you be?? what will you do with your life then?? Realizing that most people are incapable of ever really changing... Other than the packaging and the fact that is man is a GOOD person... what more does he have to offer you??? Go even deeper and ask your self WHY it has to be THIS man?? My guess is that this love in some way resembles the type of love you received growing up... You may be caught in the trap of working for love... but never actually allowing your self to receive it... I'm sure you had other options before this man, who were willing to nurture you and be passionate... But for some reason you chose someone who is out of reach... It may be that you need some kind of predictable male anchor in your life to feel secure... To create real options, you may have to figure out how to develop some of these secure, solid qualities INSIDE YOUR SELF. I realize you have a child involved here, but I think children are best served when both their mother and father are fully realized individuals: with a healthy, happy reality of self fulfillment and expression. Link to comment
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