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Whats the best way to turn DOWN a guy?

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heres the deal- at the beginning of this school year i came out, it was a big chang for me but i soon relized that im not alone. I have discoverd that there are several gay ppl in my school....yay.....anyways, i get asked out a lot. i guess im just a good looking person or something because complete strangers ask me out and dont get me wrong, im flaterd but some of them are quite to my standards per-say, so heres my question, whats a really nice way to turn down a guy without crushing his feelings.......just some basic advice plez.



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well considering your bi-sexual (gay) i wouldn't know of any direct ways to "slowly" let a guy down, with out crushing his feelings, maybe something like this.


"Sorry, but I'm not ready to date, or be in any kind of relationship now, I like the feeling of not being tied down"


that might make the guy(s) say something back...just be ready for anything. it's hard to say what, because i myself am not gay, so i really can't relate to this, But i tried....

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*shrugs* I'd have to say in general the same for gay and straight should be similar - and I've always tried to be nice but honest enough it can't be leading on for the "future possibility" of something... "I find your interest flattering, but I don't feel the kind of attraction to you I should to date you and sincerely return that interest; I'd rather be upfront with that and have you as a friend if it's possible than lead you to think otherwise and feel betrayed later on." I know no matter how you turn someone down it's going to sting at least... but from what I've seen both on these forums and elsewhere, the "not knowing for certain" and allowing for a possibility that doesn't exist can hurt a lot more in the long run, even if it's meant kindly.

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Hint it to him...ask him about ex partners, who he used to like. Let him rant and rave about his past relationships, and then say something like, "I'm sure that you'll find that person someday, maybe, it's just not the right time right now!"


It's kind of a nice way of saying that 'I don't think that I'm the right person for you' by letting him down in a passive, but friendly and concerned way.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Here's the bottom line: Look the guy directly in the eye and say, "I think that you're really an attractive guy and I'm really flattered that you would want to go out with me. But you're just not my type."

The trick is to be sincere. It's not hard: take a look at people around you. First, who are YOU attracted to? Second, who do you think is attractive? I'd be willing to bet they aren't exactly the same people. Everybody has certain TYPES of people they're attracted to. (Using myself as an example, I think most movie stars are attractive, but I'm attracted to very few of them. And I often find myself attracted to guys who most people wouldn't find attractive at all.)

To further my point, you rarely see somebody so homely that no-one is attracted to them. It seems like there's always someone who finds them attractive.

There's nothing wrong with telling somebody you don't find attractive that they ARE attractive. It's all subjective, anyway, and it hurts like hell to be told you're not attractive--you don't want to do that to anybody.

Even at that, there's still a pretty good chance you're going to hurt somebody's feelings, maybe even tick them off. But that's where they have to take responsibility for their own feelings.

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