lovinmylife Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 hey everyone! well i feel like im having a new problem each week! heres the brief! dated a guy that i was attracted to straight away for 4 months, he broke up with me at the end of November. i was quite hurt as i really liked him, got on great etc! but was proud when i managed to go total NC. he text me, i ignored them. but eventually i began replying then met up a few times with him. we talked many times about how strongly we felt for each other, was spending the last weekend with my friend that lives in the same town as this fella and also spent it with him, we both decided this would b our last weekend together and we'd just enjoy it. now we've been talking and he told me and friend that he cares for me more than he has anyone before. the only problem is he's never really had a proper relationship before me (he's 25) and he said he just cant commit but doesnt want to be with other people really. how do you handle this?! i care for him so so much, theres a little distance between us.....1.5 hours.......but now i dont know what to do, walking away is the last thing i want to do........ HELP ME PLEASE! thanks. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 One of the hardest things about a relationship is it takes two people to sustain it, and if one is no longer interested in putting in that effort, the other can't do it on their own. I think you need to cut your losses and walk away. Link to comment
love4life Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 My ex was similar - 5 months together, out-of-the-blue break-up. I think marinot may be right - they probably still cannot commit. I think we're better off giving them a few YEARS, rather than a few weeks or months, to find themselves. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 He's not ready. I'm sorry you developed feelings for him. There was a guy I knew who liked me a lot but I also knew that he traveled a lot and his history consisted of a series of very short relationships. In fact, he told me after three weeks that I'd been with him the longest- which is odd except when you consider that he travels so much. He is in NO way even close to thinking about commital relationships. I didn't really allow myself to have feelings for him b/c I'm ready to consider something serious. I think he wanted me to develop emotions for him and then he would be able to decide what he wanted after that...but I don't really allow myself to develop emotions under such unreliable circumstances. There are just some guys out there who will only be ready when they're ready...nothing personal. Link to comment
lovinmylife Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 yeah but i guess it was kind of different as we dated before so feelings were developed and theyve just been brought out even stronger now! ive not felt this strongly for a fella for a long time, if ever! but how does he tell me im the most special girl he's ever met and that he cares for me ALOT. do u think its out of guilt?? i just find it hard understanding people not being ready for any bit of commitment...not like im asking for marriage!!! and surely if u actually do care about someone that much etc etc you'd commit right?? he told me "it wouldnt be fair to commit cos i KNOW i wouldnt be able for it." he's words exactly! im in such confusion right now and hate the feelin of just crying every two seconds!! Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 No, he probably feels that way but fears commitment. Thats his choice, not much you can do about it. Like the previous poster said, cut your losses... Link to comment
lovinmylife Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 oh god! this gets worse! well weve kept in touch this last wk and now cos he knows im going to be in his town this wkend his prepared to cancel his wkend away wit the lads to be with me??? well i know what i want to do, but also know what i should do. can some men PLEASE jus t tell me whats going on in his head???? Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 He likes you...a lot. But he's too afraid of commitment. Get over him. Link to comment
lovinmylife Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 thanks Gratsy, i knew thats what i had to do but to see it written down infront of me by someone else it kinda really hits me and i know thats what i HAVE to do! was talkin to him over msn there a while ago and was just answering what he was saying and that was it, he started to be totally into me cos i was ignoring him, i really hate playing mind games but its fun having the bit of power sometimes with someone thats been emotionally hurting you! its official, his cut, no gone etc, if he wants me that bad he'll come back rite?! and if not he doesnt deserve me! wahoooooo! i did it! Link to comment
Gratsy Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Find someone YOU DON'T HAVE TO play mind games with. Find someone who makes his interest known and who you don't have to pretend to be aloof with. He panicks when he thinks you're gone forever and thats how he wheels you back. He is just stringing you along for when he's ready. Thats disrespectful of you and assumes you'll wait forever. Forget him...he'll nver make up his mind...he's the type who won't make up his mind until its too late. For your sake, you must move on. Link to comment
lovinmylife Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 i made another mistake i feel like i never learn, well i met up with him this last weekend and had a great time together! it's weird cause it's like we're a couple when we're together! anyways we decided this was our last meeting and after this we'd both move on. we've been texting since i left last night and its killing me cause i want so much more and he doesnt. i know i'll be ok in some time and wonder then why time seemed to pass so slowly and why my stomach churns so much right now, but that doesnt help how i feel right now. all i want is for him to text me to tell me he wants me and wants to be with me.....is that so wrong?! Link to comment
Gratsy Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 You're going to keep making those heart wrenching mistakes until one day the pain will stun you into knowing the truth> Then, you'll finally move on. Indifference is the key. Link to comment
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