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Looking after kids, Dad doesn't need as much time as mum?


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I don't see why your daughter can't alternate between households from week to week as long as you are both near her school and it's not too disruptive to her routine for her to go back and forth that much.


Curious why your ex insisted on this other arrangement?

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Hey onmyownagain


It's my view that what you have asked for and got here is not wrong and not unreasonable. I battled with my ex for an age re shared parenting but the outdated uk courts don't usually dole out shared parenting orders unless both parties are in agreement. So for a long time I had to put up with every other weekend and a night in the week. My eldest went off to boarding school so he wasn't an issue, but there came a time when my younger son threw a wobbly and pleaded why nothing could be done about these unfair arrangements. We confronted my ex together and I let him tell her exactly what he told me. Whenever he had asked her previously, she would just walk out of the room.


We agreed to try this and boy - what a difference it made - to both me and my ex and our son. He missed her more and so stopped b1tching when it was time to go back to her. Gone were the anxious moments when it was time for him to go back to her (for both him and me) and it finally meant we could start some meaningful hobbies.


Provided that every other aspect is firm and level - with regard to school - and hopefully with some ground rules that you and your ex can agree on ie similar bed times etc then nothing wrong here at all. Carry on with this routine and build some precedent.


Your ex should be grateful that you want to take such an active role in your daughters life and happy that you have defused the resentment that would build within your daughter towards your ex. Oh - and good for you for taking these steps to become a more involved parent - your daughter is lucky to have such a caring father.


As your daughter gets older, things like this will be less and less of an isssue.


Good luck fella.



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Brava to your daughter for speaking up about what she'd like. Your wife would do well to start listening to her--even though she still feels like your little girl, she's on her way to being an adult.


I do not have children and I'm not a child-raising expert, but I do not believe you're doing anything wrong, and I believe that children need both of their parents equally. I've never understood the traditional bias toward the mother in custody cases.


Because this deals with custody, I would make you and your daughter's wishes known to your lawyers. Let them handle the actual arrangements. Like tylercdurden2004 said, you don't want to inadvertently do anything to hurt your case as your daughter's father.


Good luck and hang in there... you're doing the right thing, IMO.



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