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Week 4 - Thoughts on how I feel?

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It is for four weeks today since I left my wife, how do I feel?



What a waste of the last 12 years of my life.



Why did we have to split? Could I have tried a bit harder? My poor daughter going through all this again.



Will be able to look forward to a brighter future alone or with someone who I really want to be with. I won't have to compromise as much as I have in the marriage.



What will happen in the divorce? Will I get shafted by the lawyers!!

How will I feel when she meets someone else?



Feel I am on cruise control, go from wishing we could start again to wishing she would just die to avoid the divorce and property problems etc.



Tried to make it work for a long time. At least I know I am not going home to a bad marriage at the end of the day.


Thanks for listening, just felt like getting something down.

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Keep it up

Try to lose the anger, you know all it'll do is cloud your better judgement


There were good times amongst the bad and you've learnt things about yourself that no one else can teach


If things are handled amicably, your daughter will probably love you even more, she gets complete undivided attention from you and vice versa which will lead to a bond that can never be broken


I'm totally with you regarding compromise and relief, I felt I'd given up so much of who I was in my 10 year stint and in the end, all for nothing

The relief can be fantastic, when I moved out I was still seeing her but I used to leave and be so glad to be on the road heading home, even now I think of that when I look back, knowing that my life and her life can only be better because of it


Stay strong

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Seems like you are moving through all the normal stages after a break up. I think it's very healthy to write things down, to disentangle the flow of emotions this way. Try to use the anger for something positive, like working out.


Take care,



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I've been divorced for two years now and was separated for awhile before that. It is something that gets better over time but it will always be with you. It's a very painful and difficult process, that's no revelation there. Some of the things you said I can definitely relate to...but...


Please don't consider the time you spent together a waste. You shared something or you wouldn't have a daughter with her. Also, what kind of message is that for your daughter if you say that? She is a result of the relationship so don't consider it that way.


Unfortunately, you are a male. Financially things are going to go her way and that is tough. If your ex has custody just think about your daughter. I'm still trying to recover...


As for some of the other questions, those you have to answer from inside. Only you know the answers. I have two wonderful boys from a ten year marriage, the hardest adjustment was them moving away and my time with them went from everyday to a couple times a year. I struggle with this fact every single day.


All my best bro, things will get better though. Hang in there.

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It was not a waste.


You have a wonderful daughter and look at how much you have learned.


If you stay to the truth, you will not get shafted by the lawyers, (unless you were some awful parent). Although, I have noticed that if both parents are equal, the mother usually gets full custody.


Children are resilient.


Of course you are scared. We all are. She was the only life you knew for so long.


You are already working through this. I went through a divorce a long time ago and did not get custody of my kids. I made it through this and they turned out alright (well, mostly anyway ;-) ).


You will make it through this, as well.

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Unfortunately, you are a male. Financially things are going to go her way and that is tough. If your ex has custody just think about your daughter. I'm still trying to recover...


Hi, we are sharing custody (one week with me, then one with her) so wont have to miss her that much. This will help with the divorce as well from what I can see.

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Hey onmyownagain


The emotions you are going through are only natural.


Things are tougher when you have children together because although you won't be partners, you'll still need to carry out a relationship as parents for a very long time - so Nc and all that flies out the window.


Take comfort from your daughter and your shared parenting and really pour your focus into her.


I went through a very messy and drawn out divorce/settlement and also had to apply to court to protect myself and ensure I was seeing the kids enough etc so if you need any advice in that regard, please feel free to pm me any time.


It is not easy, but as I say - focus on your little one in your time of need.



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Thanks guys,


Felt really okay about things last night but feeling down again this morning. I am at work but really am finding it hard to get myself motivated. I am in management and have a brilliant woman boss, she is completely okay with me being down to 50% at the moment.


Maybe in a month or two things will be a lot clearer.

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Thanks Mark,


I am trying my best.


Finding out who my true friends are at the moment, it is amazing how many people just don't want to know when you are down. the mutual friends I am not sure about which suits me really.


Find it hard when others are still seeing her and I am out of the loop as it were.

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Hey fella - keep your chin up.


It is amazing how many people don't know how to act around you, isn't it. I don't think that they don't want to know you - I think they are frightened of taking sides. Also, I think that the fact that you are boh single again frightens some couples - because you each can be seen as a threat.


I found it hard for a while - like you - out of the loop and all, but once we got this shared stuff going and I was dropping little one off at school and having a good gossip on the school driveway it all changed for the better.


Time is your friend - it really is.



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Feeling numb today. Have realised that the money situation is worse than I thought and I wont be able to give her as much as I would like. Checked on Child Support Agency site how much I have to give her in my circumstrances and it is £33 pw. Was going to give her a lot more than this but will be totally skint.


Our money problems would be solved if she would agree to sell the house as there is a lot of equity in it.


Think she will really struggle to pay and we will lose it anyway but she doesn't want to see this.

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Hey fella


The money aspect of a breakup can be a real worry. What are the longer term plans for the house? Is there enough equity/finance available for it to be sold and two smaller places to be bought?


She might not like this, but the fact is that belts need to be tightened.



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Hi Mark,


We have a £95K mortgage which costs £800 pm and about £80K eqity. I have asked her to consider this but she insists the law is on her side and she can stay there until our daughter leaves full time education.


I have done my sums and really cannot give her much. My rent on my new flat is £800 pm. I do have a good job and earn quite a bit but not that much.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The weeks are still passing, still on cruise control.


Haven't really heard from her for a couple of weeks apart from a text I had to send yesterday about money, she was very polite and sent a couple of texts regarding my post etc. but back to nothing again now.


At least she didn't seem so angry now, though my daughter said she was still really angry with me last week.

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  • 3 weeks later...


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