What do i do at this point

[knightNshiningarmor]

well sit tight and ill hope youll read through this and maybe ill get some advice i can take to heart.

 

I have known this girl now for 7 years, ironically we didn't become close friends till i moved away to college about 3 years ago. And It was roughly a year and a half ago that we both let each other know how we cared for one another as more then friends, since then we seem to be stuck in this roller coaster of emotion.

 

We would become very close and then she would pull away usually very abruptly. I would get upset that she would toy with my emotions in such a way that id usually stop talking to her for 2-5 weeks but eventually id call her back. This is the point she'd tell me how much she missed me and on our most recent reconnection she went so far as telling me that she loves me. I truly believe her when she says this. What hurts the most is i know i love her too. We were rekindling our friendship and i was treading very lightly due to past experiences. all the while she was continuing to be on a path to relationship with most phone calls ending in a very sincere " i love you" the problem here in lies take this weekend for example. I spend 10 hours getting home and we spend a wonderful night together.. no sex just cuddling watching a movie and just kissing and holding one another. The next day she invites me over early for breakfast but after an hour or so i start getting the cold shoulder and assume she is probably just tired. Late night + early morning= well i was tired too and ready for a nap so i didnt read to much into it. we would hang out later that night because it was only a 2 day trip, so we went out for dinner and again the cold shoulder. When i left i went in for a kiss goodnight and was calmly and kindly but nonetheless rejected... this is usually how our visits go. There is usually one or two great nights where everything in the world just seems right but it seems the next day its gone again.

 

So im at crossroads because ive spent a year and a half doing this now and i feel like we have made no progression.. and i know whats to ensue, we will talk on the phone in a few days and she'll say we should just be friends..im to the point now i dont get upset just disappointed. But i know in another month shell start going back that path again... i know i could move on but I really dont want to and i really dont want to lose my best friend...the other part that makes this sticky is that she suffers from some form of bi polar so its hard to know if what she is feeling is part of the disease or if its something inside her.(if it the disease then i dont want to hold it against her because thats how god made her but if its just her then it makes this all the more difficult) I also know that she still has issues with a past relationship and that she still cares for that person.

SO!!! Do i wait..do i trust in the love that i have and i feel she has too.. and that in time it will resolve it.. or should i finally just move on and try to hold on to what friendship i can?

 

 

 

If you actually were able to read through all this my hat goes off to you and I thank you,

 

Yours truly,

Knight in Shining Armor

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you need to sit down and talk with her about this. If she immediately gets defensive and says then you should just be friends...case closed. You don't want someone who is not open to talking about the issues and simply says if you don't like the way I am behaving then get lost. Blowing hot and cold is a terrible thing to do to someone and they are not stable people to get into a relationship with...you will always be walking on eggshells never knowing from one hour to the next whether the person will be loving or shooing you away. If she doesn't want to talk about it and just says lets be friends, you might even want to re-consider the friendship...because is it really worth even being friends with someone who can behave in such a selfish and uncompassionate manner. If she has bi-polar, there are still ways she can control it...there are medications...also, once you know you have a problem, you work hard and overcoming certain things. This hot and cold behaviour can be overcome and I doubt that it has to do with bipolar...it sounds to me that once she gets her needs met, she blows you off and doesn't care about your needs. I wouldn't buy into all of her "I love yous"...sounds to me like that is a way to get you hooked. You travel so long to get to see her and then she treats you well for one night and the rest of the time treats you like crap...that is just cruel.

[timzter]

Wow... you are one patient person, but seriously its mnot nice what she is doing to you, i mean i dont't really think she actually loves you ... i think she is trying to wrap you round her little finger! i think she sounds quite selfish! Do you really want to be with someone selfish?!

 

I think you should just be friends until you really know what is going on.

 

Btw, does she have commitment issues?

[richmonder80]

I wouldn't buy into her "I love yous". Sounds like she doesnt mean what she says. As soon as she gets her emotional fix from you, she no longer needs you. I know it's not easy as "just move on" deal but sometimes you have to. Walk away with NC, don't think about your history or how much effort you've put into the whatever it is that you guys have. Rechannel that effort into a girl/woman that deserves it.