SadMan Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Hi Guys, Its been a while since I posted here. My girlfriend of 4 years today said something I thought it was very insulting but she said I was over reacting. We are both 28 yrs old. We were watching TV and I saw sceen that a guy was very depress and lifeless because he just lost his daughter in court to his ex wife, then out of the blues she said "what are you smiling at, you looked like him when you broke up with your EX". I asked her what was that for? What did I do to you to deserve that? She just kept going on defending her claim and claiming she had said nothing wrong. She also doesnt think its insulting, you think its insulting doesnt mean it is. So thereforeeee its okay for her to talk about it. She was my friend when I broke up with my ex of 5 years and I pretty much told her everything. During that time was the lowest time of my life. She always talk about my EX and use her as examples of everything but I always took it as a joke and sometimes I even think it was a little compliment because she looks so jealous when she talk about my ex and I. But this time, I blew up. I told her angryly that stop talking about my ex and stop digging my wounds. She just kept on defending herself. Eventually, she left my house. So was I over reacting? Was it okay for her to make fun of me like that? Link to comment
leo_s84 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Digging your wounds? isn't it been 5 years? common.. I seriously think you overreacted. I read it as a joke. If it still hurts you maybe you where never over her. Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 You were not wrong. She seems very childish and I think you deserve better. I'm very surprised you are still with her, especially since she frequently digs into your past and throws it in your face. You told her that stuff out of confidence, and for her to treat it like it's some kind of weapon she uses on you to get back at you is ridiculous. DUDE!!! Find someone who acts their age... =) Good luck! Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Digging your wounds? isn't it been 5 years? common.. I seriously think you overreacted. I read it as a joke. If it still hurts you maybe you where never over her. Not to intrude, but how is this HIS fault? She is bringing stuff up from his past, to hurt him. If she doesn't mean to hurt him, than she is still childish for bringing it up. Why is she still concerned about something that happened 4-5 years ago? The past is the past, and she keeps on reliving it. I know that has to be somewhat damaging to the OP.... Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 What she said sounds very deliberately hurtful, and her behavior afterwards carries the same tinge. When you tell your partner that something they have said/done has hurt you, the proper response is to apologize - not to argue about how they are right and you're wrong. She knows that this wasn't an ok thing to say - I'd bet that even a child would realize that it wasn't okay. Link to comment
8amallday Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 she does sound rather mean-spirited. thats never a good thing. even if that is her way of joking, if she sticks with it, i dont know if anyone will stick with her. id have a serious conversation with her about your relationship and how that is not cool. good luck, man. Link to comment
ftheunion Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Well she was picking at it and stuff. She shouldn't talk about your ex of 5 years ago. Women are hypocrits in these cases and I know how they can induce extreme rage by this. Link to comment
pacodemil Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 I think maybe you overreacted a little bit but I also think that it was pointless and cruel of her to bring it up in the first place. It just sounds to me like she still resents you ex wife possibly because she is jealous of your time with her. She'll have to get over it eventually or you will have to move on. That works both ways though, If you can't let go of your ex then how will she? Link to comment
valiantv Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Maybe you over reacted, but I'm not sure what you mean by "Blew up". Just either get over it and take it as a joke, or tell her to stop talking about your Ex. If she says, "But it's only a joke" tell her to stop anyway. You don't like it and she should find something else to joke about. She just doesn't understand how you feel, and you blowing up just makes you look like the unreasonable one (whereas your gripe is perfectly reasonable) I might add, you blowing up only proves her point though! If it was me I'd take it as a joke and play along with it! Link to comment
Censored Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 No one that you have divulged deep and meaningful emotions or feelings with in the past should throw them or anything related to it in your face in the future. Tell her you don't like her constantly talking about or referring to your ex. Link to comment
timzter Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 She is blatantly INSECURE... She knew back in the past you were really upset about you and your ex becasue that showed how much you really liked her. She probably feel really insecure that you don't like her as much as you liked her ex. Girls think like that... Trust me... But you are both adults... so talk to each other. its obvious she got something against you and your ex once being together... Explain how you don't bring up HER past boyfriends. If she still doesn't understand... Ask yourself, you really want to be with someone like that? Link to comment
hueman84 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Even though it happened years ago, it is still something that deeply saddened you. I wouldnt go to my friend and be like "oh you were a crybaby like that when your mom died 5 years ago". Even though they are two totally separate subject matters, it still deals with the lowest point in a persons life that they are just trying to forget and someone being completely insensitive to that...especially since she was the one you mainly confided in. It's like a mother telling her crying child to come to her so she can comfort them and then pushing the child away because they need to grow up. Just trying to give some examples. Maybe you did over-react, but that doesnt make what she said any less wrong. Instead of apologizing, all she did was defend herself and make excuses...she didnt even care that she hurt your feelings. Link to comment
SadMan Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 Thanks everyone for your inputs. At first couple years, I took it as a joke and played along like some of you stated. I've even tried saying something back to make her more jealous in hope that she would eventually stop, but that hasnt been working. For example: She said I look like that guy on TV when I broke up with my ex, I immediaily said "Dont worry, I will never look like that again" but that just made her angry/jealous and started to slap me around the arm and kicking me............ How do I ever to get her to stop ?? Link to comment
valiantv Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Just tell her to stop! She is blatantly INSECURE... She knew back in the past you were really upset about you and your ex becasue that showed how much you really liked her. I don't think it's that obvious. Esp. if you (SadMan) have been playing along with it for the last few years as a joke, what reason does she have to think you actually take it quite seriously? She is probably surprised at your change of humour. Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 For example: She said I look like that guy on TV when I broke up with my ex, I immediaily said "Dont worry, I will never look like that again" but that just made her angry/jealous and started to slap me around the arm and kicking me............ How do I ever to get her to stop ?? By breaking up with her. Her behavior is physically and emotionally abusive. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 maybe you talk about how great you and your ex were. maybe she is putting her sarcasm in front of her jealousy of it. Link to comment
SadMan Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 I dont know why I was stupid enough to tell her my past. Even after we were together I still told her stuff about my ex both voluntaryand involuntary. I thought being honest to your gf about your past was good. But I think this is a false statment. Telling your GF/Wife about ANYTHING in your past is just like digging a bigger hole for you to fall into. The more you tell, the bigger the hole. LYING is the ONLY smart thing to do. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I dont know why I was stupid enough to tell her my past. Even after we were together I still told her stuff about my ex both voluntaryand involuntary. I thought being honest to your gf about your past was good. But I think this is a false statment. Telling your GF/Wife about ANYTHING in your past is just like digging a bigger hole for you to fall into. The more you tell, the bigger the hole. LYING is the ONLY smart thing to do. you don't need to lie. you just don't offer information about your past unless they really ask for it. and if a girl asks something you don't want to talk about, you say that. no lying though man. Link to comment
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