Should I do something on Valentines Day?

[Jonboy582]

Ok me and my ex are a complicated couple. As many have read we act as if we are still going out but we are not. So technically we are single, we broke up about 2 and a half months ago now.

 

There was talks of properly dating again (her idea not mine) we went shopping and had a meal the other week but cant really class that as a date. I want to get back with her but I know she is not sure what she wants. She is at uni so wants to experience uni life a bit more, and doesn't want anything too serious.

 

I know I don't want to be with her unless her heart is 100% there and don't even know if she would get back with me.

 

Pretty much we are in a tricky limbo of affairs right now sleeping together, holding hands in public falling asleep in each others arms and both obviously having feelings for each other still.

 

So should I do something with her on V-Day or ask her to do something with me or make a gesture or just ignore the whole thing?

 

Jon

[annie24]

hm, maybe ask her what she would be comfortable with - and what would you be comfortable with? maybe a casual dinner? a walk? coffee? watch a movie at home? depends....

[Jonboy582]

Yer guess I could do that .... I'm happy with something casual between us but also the same time I miss the love we shared all though we kinda still do which makes it hard. I just can't tell her I love her anymore.

 

And as for going out on the 10th we visiting a castle and having a steam train ride lol. She has this thing for castles you see and always wanted a ride on a steam train. Thought she would love the idea of getting an old Victorian steam train to a castle.

 

So at least that shows she not objecting to spending alone time with me on things that could be considered a date right?

[v-neck]

Just tell her that you don't feel like the relationship now is ideal of a Valentines Day celebration, think about in reality it's not. I wouldn't break your back over it, the more you show that you can move on and live without her, the more she'll want you back, it's weird but true, good luck.

[Jonboy582]

Just tell her that you don't feel like the relationship now is ideal of a Valentines Day celebration, think about in reality it's not. I wouldn't break your back over it, the more you show that you can move on and live without her, the more she'll want you back, it's weird but true, good luck.

Strange you should say that .... I stopped calling her and contacting her. And she contacting and calling me more often. Also for once I did not take her crap when she said it to me, and she was one groveling to me. Hmm I like this idea, and I not sure if I want her back now. I mean I love her but is it really worth it?

[lady00]

Don't settle for almost-a-relationship and uncertainty...you'd be better off with someone who is 100% sure they want you...my advice is to stop interacting with her until she is sure what she wants and she says she wants a relationship. Otherwise you will feel stifled (it's obvious that things like the fact that you cannot tell her you love her). You will be unhappy with this arrangement if you want more...even if you think you can handle it.

[Jonboy582]

Don't settle for almost-a-relationship and uncertainty...you'd be better off with someone who is 100% sure they want you...my advice is to stop interacting with her until she is sure what she wants and she says she wants a relationship. Otherwise you will feel stifled (it's obvious that things like the fact that you cannot tell her you love her). You will be unhappy with this arrangement if you want more...even if you think you can handle it.

So true but we more than just ex bf and gf. We are best friends as well, I can't just cut my best friend out of my life as well.

[lady00]

So true but we more than just ex bf and gf. We are best friends as well, I can't just cut my best friend out of my life as well.

 

Seen this so many times...it does not usually end well...I hope your case is the exception. My ex called me his best friend and wanted to be my best friend...I allowed that to give me hope...he was confused, he wasn't sure he wanted anything serious...I allowed that to give me hope. And I've seen a similar scenario over and over again on these boards. Generally when someone wants you they are certain of it...of course, everyone thinks they are the exception until they come to terms with it...being best friends with your ex when you want more just plain won't work. Good luck though. I sincerely do hope your case is the exception because I don't think you deserve to be hurt.

[Jonboy582]

Seen this so many times...it does not usually end well...I hope your case is the exception. My ex called me his best friend and wanted to be my best friend...I allowed that to give me hope...he was confused, he wasn't sure he wanted anything serious...I allowed that to give me hope. And I've seen a similar scenario over and over again on these boards. Generally when someone wants you they are certain of it...of course, everyone thinks they are the exception until they come to terms with it...being best friends with your ex when you want more just plain won't work. Good luck though. I sincerely do hope your case is the exception because I don't think you deserve to be hurt.

hey thanks for the post. I have taken these words very seriously, and I have been preparing myself for such an outcome. And I'm not sure I love her anymore which is a good thing .... makes the whole friends thing a tad easier. And yes I agree the last thing I want to do now is get false hope. Reason why I believe I may end up an exception is half the reason we are not together is Uni and work load and lack of time to see each other. One day this will change and things might work. But as you say don't count on it.

 

Thanks

 

Jon