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My bf is stalking me

daddysmakinmonsters

By daddysmakinmonsters
in Relationship Advice

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daddysmakinmonsters Newbie

daddysmakinmonsters

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My boyfriend and i have lived together for a year and have been dating for 2. He never lets me on his computer it has been going on for a while everytime i even get close to the computer he freaks out So one day when i was home alone I thought i'd find out what he was hiding. I found a file marked Betty(which is my name) so I opened it there I found photos of me sleeping photos of my clothes and shoes he was burning cds of us having sex without me knowing and worst of all there are photos of me when im out with friends or at work I don't know how he's getting these I didnt even know he owned a digital camera! He has been keeping a diary about me which is about 50 pages I haven't confronted him about it and i am slowily reading the diary (only because of the pictures i found) they are dates and excact run downs of what i did say or wore that day. I dont know how to confront him about this . any advice i am seriously freaked out.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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I would grab a close friend or two when confronting him and have them be outside the house if things became out of control. I would be quite creeped out and a little scared if I were in your position. I'd even think about moving out and requesting him to seek help....but that's just me. You should confront him first and go from there. But make sure that you are in a safe situation.

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JeckyllNHyde Enthusiast

JeckyllNHyde

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Wow. This seems like something out of a movie. Especially when someone made a comment about you becoming a statistic... *shudder*

You are gonna break up with him right?

And have you never ever noticed him taking any pictures? How did he get the ones of you sleeping? When your over at his place? He must have some experience if he was able to keep this up for 2 years! Do you keep your pics on your pc? Maybe he hacked into your computer and can see all your computer activities too.

 

OH and try and get rid of all the cd's of you having sex etc before you confront him. Or delete all his files or anything.

 

DYT did the police officer ever tell you/explain why he was doing it? Or what was going on in his twisted mind..

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doyathink Mentor

doyathink

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Wow. This seems like something out of a movie. Especially when someone made a comment about you becoming a statistic... *shudder*

You are gonna break up with him right?

And have you never ever noticed him taking any pictures? How did he get the ones of you sleeping? When your over at his place? He must have some experience if he was able to keep this up for 2 years! Do you keep your pics on your pc? Maybe he hacked into your computer and can see all your computer activities too.

 

OH and try and get rid of all the cd's of you having sex etc before you confront him. Or delete all his files or anything.

 

DYT did the police officer ever tell you/explain why he was doing it? Or what was going on in his twisted mind..

 

No thats the scary part. I had no idea, and we lived together. He had other cops watching me when he couldn't, and thats how I found out. One of them told me he was obsessed with me, and had to know every minute of every day what I was doing.

He did admit it when I confronted him.

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BeStrongBeHappy Experienced

BeStrongBeHappy

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this is a form of mental illness to have the need to monitor your every move and violate your privacy like this. it really isn't normal.

 

i think you might want to make plans to move out, and just do it. make sure you are in a safe place when you do, and tell him over the phone that you know he has been stalking you and it is not acceptable to you.

 

if you genuinely think he is harmless (i.e., not violent), then you might want to hear him out and suggest counseling for him, but i think he has officially entered the territory of scary and not sure you want to be around. he may get treatment, but it has to be for himself, and not to try to manipulate you.

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winchester3 Enthusiast

winchester3

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Thats a little weird. The diary is somewhat understandable, i used to keep notes about dates with my girlfriend. What she was wearing/what we did and when we did it. That was for future reference so that when she wears that shirt again or w/e i could be like "Ohhh i remember when you wore that shirt, we did this, this and that", so that she'd think i was paying super special attention to her. That stopped after 10 dates maybe, in my mind i was saying "She already likes me, so now i don't have to try as hard to impress her. Time to be more myself!". The photos and stuff, thats pretty creepy. Then again if my girlfriend was doing that to me, i'd be a little flattered. Then creeped out.

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CallingAllAngels Contributor

CallingAllAngels

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I would grab a close friend or two when confronting him and have them be outside the house if things became out of control. I would be quite creeped out and a little scared if I were in your position. I'd even think about moving out and requesting him to seek help....but that's just me. You should confront him first and go from there. But make sure that you are in a safe situation.

 

I most definitely agree with this...and if he hassles you, get a restraining order...better safe than sorry.

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Jonboy582 Rising Star

Jonboy582

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Do you keep your pics on your pc? Maybe he hacked into your computer and can see all your computer activities too.

 

OH and try and get rid of all the cd's of you having sex etc before you confront him. Or delete all his files or anything.

That got me thinking so as a little test to see how easy it is to get this stuff I tried getting stuff of my ex (asked her permission first ofc).

 

From what I know about her, I gained access to her facebook/myspace/emails/University online account. I dont even have facebook so can't look at her profile in normal ways anyway.

 

From FB and myspace you can check her friends profiles and see what pictures they have of her. Its even easier on FB because u have pictures "flagged" of what you are in.

 

If I could be bothered I'm sure I could get more. Scary how much stuff can be found out by someone if they know you or even don't know you. So a word of warning if you don't want weirdos collecting things about you dont put them online.

 

And definitely leave the guy now and I agree bout sex tapes DESTROY them or he could use them against you in future if he wanted.

 

Jon

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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Thats a little weird. The diary is somewhat understandable, i used to keep notes about dates with my girlfriend. What she was wearing/what we did and when we did it. That was for future reference so that when she wears that shirt again or w/e i could be like "Ohhh i remember when you wore that shirt, we did this, this and that", so that she'd think i was paying super special attention to her. That stopped after 10 dates maybe, in my mind i was saying "She already likes me, so now i don't have to try as hard to impress her. Time to be more myself!".

 

 

Even doing that much is fairly creepy IMO

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catwalk Apprentice

catwalk

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I'd first off make sure that file and all the pictures is sent to someone else, he could press 'delete' and make it all go away..... then if he does something really bad there will be nothing to back it up and they will think YOU are crazy (which is awful, I know)

 

Then you need to take those files, pictures, video's and everything else and go to a police station. Tell them you need an officer and a computer and explain everything..... although the stuff you bring in will speak for itself. Let them decide what should be done from there and what, if anything, he can be charged with.

 

From there you change you phone numbers, tell your family members that he is no longer safe and to watch out for him, and tell your work that he is not to be told anything about you.

 

You need to stop him, it WILL turn ugly and it WILL end up with you being harmed if you don't. He needs to learn that doing this is WRONG.

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winchester3 Enthusiast

winchester3

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Even doing that much is fairly creepy IMO

 

Girls keep diaries and write about stuff that happens right? Is that not similar, how about if i said "I wrote about our dates in my journal"? Is that creepy? Maybe your just easy to creep out? Look a spider! If she did the same i wouldn't view that as being creepy in any way. Creepy to me is the old guy with rotted/no teeth checking out all the ladies on the bus.

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Cognitive_Canine Enthusiast

Cognitive_Canine

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Girls keep diaries and write about stuff that happens right? Is that not similar, how about if i said "I wrote about our dates in my journal"? Is that creepy? Maybe your just easy to creep out? Look a spider! If she did the same i wouldn't view that as being creepy in any way. Creepy to me is the old guy with rotted/no teeth checking out all the ladies on the bus.

 

Yeah, but writing a diary about your SO's day and actions IS creepy. I agree with mythical.

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