GettingBetter Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Well, I seem to be getting girls' attention more and more. But I've always ended up with girls as friends, and never really anything more. I'm not sure why. And, as I started getting more girls as friends, and getting more comfortable around them, then more girls seem to approach me more. The only problem: they all seem to have boyfriends! Either that, or we just end up as friends, and then she (typically) ends up getting a boyfriend sooner or later. So, what's going on? Now, I'm a pretty shy guy, and so generally it seems (at least to me) like these girls are actually the ones coming on to me. But I can't figure out why things always end up like this. Any ideas? I've thought of these possibilities: 1) Maybe because I'm so shy, unassertive, and under-aggressive girls just assume that I'm uninterested (i.e. taken), and so the likewise taken ones befriend me because I'm not a "treat." 2) Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, while I have no problem talking to girls, I just rarely ask them out. I try to gauge the situation better before just asking them out, but on average I only ask maybe two or three girls out per year. 3) Maybe I'm misinterpreting the signals I'm getting from these girls. 4) Maybe I really am just an attractive guy? The most attractive girls already have boyfriends, but even still they just can't conceal their attraction towards me. (Personally, my favorite explanation A few more details: * The girls I associate with are really pretty. My friends always jealously poke fun at this fact. * One girl once told me: "You're an attractive guy and should be able to get almost any girl you want." Yet, for some reason, she just wasn't interested in me. I'm so confused. I feel completely overwhelmed by this whole dating realm. I feel like Chance the Gardener, from Being There. Anyone else care to offer a possibility, or just some feedback in general? Thanks in advance! Link to comment
i_am_me Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Lol. At first I thought you might have been leaving something out but then I realized that one of my friends is kind of like you. And I think the cause for this is that maybe you just (like you already said) aren't showing any interest. They must get that "just friends" vibe from you. Try showing a little more interest in them and see what happens. Maybe the girl that told you you should be able to get anyone felt like you were out of her league?? Sorry I couldn't be any more help. Good luck hehe. ME Link to comment
winchester3 Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 You see a nice girl you might want to have a relationship with, just throw your self out there and see what happens. Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 Well, those were two pretty quick responses, both saying the same thing so I'm gonna have to take your advice. But, any recommendations on how to do this? For example, should I just try asking them out sooner? And what about all the girls with boyfriends? Should I just wait until another single girl comes accross as interested in me? Thanks for the help! Link to comment
ResonanceTheory Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I think that some guys (and girls) try too hard to play things cool and end up playing them ice-cold. You need to show interest soon into a relationship. It can be very easy to get relegated to the friend zone. and that sucks. Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 It's a bit like the lottery. You're certainly never going to win if you never buy a ticket. Even if you're scared of rejection, you have to look at it this way - you're pretty much guaranteed to not have a relationship with a girl if you never approach her romantically, versus actually having a chance if you try. Link to comment
Phaser Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Read the Dating Coach advice topics threads. Link to comment
Altruist Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 A few more details: * The girls I associate with are really pretty. My friends always jealously poke fun at this fact. * One girl once told me: "You're an attractive guy and should be able to get almost any girl you want." Yet, for some reason, she just wasn't interested in me. You can't take a hint? This girl was letting you know that she likes you and making things easier for you. All you needed to do was ask her out. When a girl approaches you, and you want more than friendship, you have to show your romantic interest early on otherwise you will be relegated to the friendzone. Link to comment
winchester3 Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Might not be overly helpful, but do what ever makes you happy lol. If you like chasing the girls in relationships then have at'er. Have fun and enjoy yourself. Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Where both on the same boat Look man I feel the exact same way as you, most of my friends are women very nice ones that I fancy alot the problem is most of them are in relationship already or they aren't interested in dating They seem interested at first until the boyfriend showsup then its just friends, I know I have been their manytimes before and it sucks. I have made many friends from this not nessary girlfriends but some good friends who are women some that I have learned a great deal from these last couple of months. My only anwser I can come up with is we probably are very attractive where we grab attention regardless but another one could be we tend to "wait" to long before we want to pull that trigger you know what iam saying to decide to ask them out. Otherwise I couldn't say much. This week I do have two in my sights that I know one is single while the other I have no idea but my goal is to get atleast their phone number or something from one of them but something must happen cause its been to long. Link to comment
i_am_me Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Well, those were two pretty quick responses, both saying the same thing so I'm gonna have to take your advice. But, any recommendations on how to do this? For example, should I just try asking them out sooner? And what about all the girls with boyfriends? Should I just wait until another single girl comes accross as interested in me? Thanks for the help! I would wait until a single girl that YOU are interested in comes along. I also probably wouldn't really mess with the girls with boyfriends. It's not worth it. Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Thanks for all the help! Everyone seems to be saying the same thing: make my interest known sooner. It's just difficult for me, though, because I'm very picky. Not so much in terms of physical appearance, but regarding their personality, their ambitions, et cetera. And it takes longer to recognize those character traits, and so I really don't know whether I'm attracted to them until I've known them a while. My friend said that's what dating is for--to get to know them. I agree wholeheartedly with that, but considering how much emotion is invested in the dating game, I just feel like I should do some sort of preliminary screening before just asking them out. Anyone else agree? So when is the ideal time to ask someone out? I typically wait months, whereas my friend says three minutes. Any advice? PS: I don't like chasing after girls with boyfriends. The reason I ask is that I've had girls with boyfriends come on to me. This one in particular seems to be coming on to me pretty strongly, and I'm just not sure what to do. Link to comment
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