Going to break 'no contact' with my ex

[RedBranchKnight]

Hey.

 

I cant get my ex ut of my head these last few weeks and Im pretty much at the point of breaking the no contact Iv had since she last broke up with me 6 weeks ago. In the immediate aftermath of breaking up I was really annoyed and had no trouble going with no contact and all that (long story, I mentioned it in another thread), but over the last 2 weeks or so I started thinking of her.

 

Just wondering how she was at first, but progressively more and more. So much that Iv even had a couple of dreams of her, and I was out last night and was actually moping around over it. Everyone noticed, of course I made up excuses though. So Im on the brink of giving in and sending her a text just saying I miss her being round and to talk to because its occupying my mind so much lately. Theres no way we could go out again after everything thats happened and cant be 'normal' friends, but I seriously miss her just as someone to text and talk to despite all that happened and she did, which is actually pathetic on my part (and the reason I cant talk about this with my friends because theyll just give out to me over it and its embarrassing)!

 

Im gonna send it tomorrow. Im doing my best to keep busy in the gym, hanging out with friends and so on and thought out all the worst case scenarios that can result from letting her know Im missing her but to no avail. Im going to go to bed now and sleep on it and send it tomorrow, so if anyone has anything to warn me about or just thinks Im being an idiot and Ill regret this feel free to let me know :sad:

 

Thanks

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

 

Well, of course there are very good reasons why one should try to hold on to NC a while longer. I think everyone, during NC, reaches a point in which they feel like they HAVE TO break NC or they'll burst! (However, once you get over that urge, it's much better from thence onward. I promise you!)

 

But it sounds like you've made up your mind.

 

The worst that you can expect is:

1) she wont respond.

2) she will respond but will intentionally say hurtful things to you, leading you to wish you never broke NC in the first place

3) she will respond and will relay things about her life, not intending to hurt, but hurtful, just the same.

 

I'd say stick to NC, but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

Good luck.

[LilBear]

I won't advise you against it.

But let me just let you know that from my own experience, breaking NC (when the dumper initiates) just brings me back to square one. And every time it hurts, because that was what my ex intended, to hurt me.

[minigirl]

Be prepared to expect an answer you dont want to hear or none at all.

She will feel good because you stroked her ego.

But does she care?

 

Try not to read into her response too much

Whether it be good or bad.

[mushmouth]

I, too, suggest not breaking NC. Of course, I don't know your situation. However, in my last relationship, there was a point where we had a mini breakup and I went NC. Then about 4 or 6 weeks later, I called her and said I missed her. She said the same but said I had to change. THAT WAS A BIG MISTAKE BECAUSE WE BOTH HAD TO CHANGE.

 

Anyway, at the end, she left me for another man about 1.5 years later and promises of marriage, etc. I was crushed and knew I had to go NC for myself. I'm still NC and its 11 months. I will never talk to her again unless she contacts me.

 

Thus, if you are going to break NC (which I don't recommend) I suggest you don't text. Call. You are a man. You are saying you miss her. Then why give her the power not to respond. Confront her. If she has a cell phone, she will know its you calling. If she doesn't pick up. Don't leave a message. She will know its you.

 

If she doesn't pick up, wait another week. Wait to she how she reacts but ultimately you need to protect yourself first and have respect for yourself first.

 

Best of luck.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She dumped you thereforeeee I strongly suggest that you don't contact her. It will set you back to square one. You will feel good for 2 minutes and then you will be in agony waiting for a response. If she doesn't respond you will feel foolish. If she does respond with a brief text that says nothing much, you will be very hurt that she doesn't care. If she responds with "I miss you too", you will get your hopes up that maybe she will reconsider the breakup....and hoping will only delay your healing. If she wants to be with you and reconcile with you, she will surely contact you. Stay strong and don't cave in to your emotions...listen to your brain not your heart.

[BrokenTinMan]

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Goodluck. Tell us how it went...

[BigTex]

Redbranchknight,

 

You said this on January 9: "after a month she came back (2nd time that happened actually) saying how sorry she was, still loved me, made a mistake..... blah blah blah. So stupidly I believe her and give her another chance and 2 weeks later shes the same selfish so-and-so as always. I always built her up in my mind and made her out to be perfect when she never was."

 

What has changed? If nothing has changed, then you need to keep up NC. Your feelings are completely normal and they are part of the healing process. These strong feelings will come, stay for awhile, and then move on. Talking to her won't make the situation better.

[hueman84]

After reading that one line alone I can already tell you that you are just setting yourself up for more heartache and pain (now read that line you wrote over and over again to yourself). I know its easier said than done, but you need to move on and start dating other girls. Find someone else that you can "text" with and be connected to. Obviously this girl is not the one.

 

All I can really say is, DONT DO IT!

 

I broke NC with my ex because I gave in, and all it really did was set me up for more heartache and pain. Not nearly as bad as when we broke up, but it wasnt worth the trouble. You have been fine for on your own, just believe in yourself and believe you can continue to do fine without her...give it more time, I went NC for 3 months before breaking it and then going NC again and I know other people here have waited till even over a year to break NC.

[tushboy]

My 2 cents would be - DON'T DO IT...I've been in ur shoes and acted on impulse only to make a fool of myself. Once you do NC, and if you backtrack you look very weak in the eyes of the dumper, it not only gives them a massive EGO BOOST but also gives them the impression that you are stuck....

 

Instead meet a friend, watch a movie, do somethin else to distract yoursef. In the end if this is what saves you today then go ahead and do it....

[bustertypsy]

It's your choice but I advise you not to do it.What is the best possible gain you can get?

That you two reconcile? Ok,but because she took you back but did nothing to make it happen puts her firmly in the driving seat,and you are forever walking on eggshells.Is this acceptable to you? She will also know that she can drop you,and you will come back everytime,thereforeeee the relationship is not cemented.Now this is the best that can happen.

 

The chances are she won't take you back.If she wants you,she would and should be initiating contact with you.You are going to get hurt here,so why put yourself back 6 weeks? I understand your compulsion to make contact but just hold off a little longer,then it will get so much easier to maintain NC.Soon after that you will not even want to make contact.I nearly did what you are planning to do,but I'm so glad I didn't.Now I haven't the slightest urge to contact her.

[RedBranchKnight]

Sorry, shoulda cleared up that we went outf or about a year and a half and broke up 3 times during that (she broke up with me each time but always came back apologising, etc. and Id take her back). But after the last time, the way things went I know we cant be together again because theres no way Ill be able to go out with her as a girlfriend. I really just miss her because its weird that shes not in my life anymore, finiding it really ard to adapt to that despite everything.

 

Anyway, I text her today, we spoke for a bit and things went as I expected. No big reconciliation, no apologies or anything like that, just a 'friendly' talk. Dont feel great or anything to have done it, but its definitely put my mind at ease about this whole damn thing, which is great. Just hope it lasts now, lol

[nic2463]

Dont do it.If she knocks you back ur back to square one.If she is interested she will make the move.