How Can I Heal?

[minigirl]

Its been 27 days since we separated.

Everyday of the week we see each other.

Its so hard to do no contact, when we have to interact.

Outside away from it all, there is no contact.

He doesnt call, text or IM me.

Neither do I.

Its getting easier because I hardly ever called or texted him.

 

I thought I was getting better.... but I'm crying all over again.

Why? How?

It feels like day 1 again.

 

WHen I trick myself into believeing he just needs time and he will come back around, I feel great.

But being here and reading, he may never come back.

If he wanted me, I wouldn't be waiting.

 

IT HURTS !!!

IT HURTS to hear so and so and him... even if its just friends.

I get jealous, sad, hurt.

 

How does someone just stop loving you?

How can they just give up?

 

How can he be so strong facing me everyday?

It hurts, I just want to a knife and stab myself to ease some of this hurt.

 

I ease myself with brainwashing myself 'God did this for a reason."

But its so hard, I have another half a year of facing him.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay in.

[samross]

minigirl,

 

It sounds like you are describing my situation. Same feelings, same questions. I know exactly the pain you're going through. It hurts. It gets better some days and then some days like yesterday and today for me, it's hell. Some days i feel a little warmth in the air like at spring and the pain all comes back. I feel like, 'it could be so good - you and me'. But nothing.

 

You are not alone in this world. We are alone with our pain but not with our situations. One thing that is painful is we only see the good side of them.

 

How can he be so strong facing me everyday?

We don't see when they're down, when they're crying, when they miss us and almost went to the phone to call but didn't... things we'll never know unless they tell us.

 

It hurts, I just want to a knife and stab myself to ease some of this hurt.

For you, it's only been about a month. Things may change. You never know. And I know you know that hurting yourself won't change things. I think when we're doing well and then thing go down hill again I think there is a secret believe inside of us that says it will work out and when nothing seems to change we let ourselves down. At least that's what happens with me.

 

I ease myself with brainwashing myself 'God did this for a reason."

I don't believe God does things for the purpose of hurting us. I think He gives us opportunities. I watch Evan Almighty and Morgan Freeman did a wonderful job of playing God. There is a scene where he talks to a woman about praying to God for things. When you pray for courage, does He give you courage? Or does He give you the opportunity to be courageous? Those sorts of things and it made so much sense. Will He makes us happy and loved or will He give us the opportunity to be happy and loved?

 

But its so hard, I have another half a year of facing him.

It's only been a month. So many things can change.

 

I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay in.

We're each stronger than we think we are. You will get through this.

[minigirl]

minigirl,

 

It sounds like you are describing my situation. Same feelings, same questions. I know exactly the pain you're going through. It hurts. It gets better some days and then some days like yesterday and today for me, it's hell. Some days i feel a little warmth in the air like at spring and the pain all comes back. I feel like, 'it could be so good - you and me'. But nothing.

 

You are not alone in this world. We are alone with our pain but not with our situations. One thing that is painful is we only see the good side of them.

 

Thanks samross,

I just these bad days would be less and less.

What do you do to get through these days?

How long has it been for you?

 

We don't see when they're down, when they're crying, when they miss us and almost went to the phone to call but didn't... things we'll never know unless they tell us.

 

Can't they see the pain in us?

Its so hard to be fake smiling everyday.

I wish he knew how much he miss me and want me back.

 

For you, it's only been about a month. Things may change. You never know. And I know you know that hurting yourself won't change things. I think when we're doing well and then thing go down hill again I think there is a secret believe inside of us that says it will work out and when nothing seems to change we let ourselves down. At least that's what happens with me.

 

It sucks but thats what I'm holding onto.

Hope.

Hopeing he'll see the happy me and that he wants to be with that.

So hard ........ when I feel like putty inside.

 

I don't believe God does things for the purpose of hurting us. I think He gives us opportunities. I watch Evan Almighty and Morgan Freeman did a wonderful job of playing God. There is a scene where he talks to a woman about praying to God for things. When you pray for courage, does He give you courage? Or does He give you the opportunity to be courageous? Those sorts of things and it made so much sense. Will He makes us happy and loved or will He give us the opportunity to be happy and loved?

 

You showed another way to see this.

The brighter side.

God gives us a choice/ oppurtunity to fullfill. Its our choice to take up or pass up.

 

 

We're each stronger than we think we are. You will get through this.

I am stronger than I think.

I hope so ....... or I should say ... I know so....

[samross]

I just these bad days would be less and less.

They will. It takes time. There's no secret formula.

What do you do to get through these days?

I try to involve myself in things that take my mind off of her. It is hard because she & I are musicians so I can't escape to music without thinking about her. And my mom makes things harder because she's good friends with her and her mom. Mom is always bringing my ex up in the conversation and it kills me. Some days I barely get through. Today is one of them. I dread the weekend. My ex left me for my best friend and the the two of them took over the band my best friend and I started. They'll have a great weekend and I'll be at home miserable.

 

How long has it been for you?

Almost a year

 

Can't they see the pain in us?

They can but they've chosen to be one of the ones that goes after what they want regardless of how it affects others. Selfish

 

Its so hard to be fake smiling everyday.

I try to find things to smile and laugh about but it is hard sometimes

 

I wish he knew how much he miss me and want me back.

Same here (about my ex I mean )

 

Hopeing he'll see the happy me and that he wants to be with that.

Based on the sensitivity and pain I read into your words, he's the one that is losing out

 

So hard ........ when I feel like putty inside.

Good description. Kind of how I feel right now

 

I am stronger than I think.

I hope so ....... or I should say ... I know so....

My sister made it through three divorces and losing her only child. She finally found happiness and is married now. If she can do that I can do this

[thouse]

I had a really bad day on Tuesday and me and my SO have been broken up since August. So believe me things get better because most days I'm ok but sometimes they do creep in. Then this morning out of blue something said. You are so depressed because 1 man out of millions decided he didn't want you, and that you are a great catch (which I am ) and you will definitely find somebody who will appreciate you, and instantly I felt better and almost kind of stupid that I had let him affect me the way he has. He is just one person him deciding not to be with me should not make my world stop turning especially since it was a dumb move I have had a great day today and I believe those bad days are going to be less and less. I am now looking forward to what's going to happen next in my life. Hang in there it does take time and it is still fresh for you.

[minigirl]

I try to involve myself in things that take my mind off of her. It is hard because she & I are musicians so I can't escape to music without thinking about her. And my mom makes things harder because she's good friends with her and her mom. Mom is always bringing my ex up in the conversation and it kills me. Some days I barely get through. Today is one of them. I dread the weekend. My ex left me for my best friend and the the two of them took over the band my best friend and I started. They'll have a great weekend and I'll be at home miserable.

 

I will never understand how people just pick up and leave.

How can people that are close to you and supposedly love you,

do that to you?

I'm so sorry to make you relive that part of your life again.

THeres always karma.

It will always come back and bite them.

 

My sister made it through three divorces and losing her only child. She finally found happiness and is married now. If she can do that I can do this

Yes, one day we will get the happiness we deserve !!!

I have to believe in that.

 

You are so depressed because 1 man out of millions decided he didn't want you, and that you are a great catch (which I am ) and you will definitely find somebody who will appreciate you, and instantly I felt better and almost kind of stupid that I had let him affect me the way he has. He is just one person him deciding not to be with me should not make my world stop turning especially since it was a dumb move I have had a great day today and I believe those bad days are going to be less and less. I am now looking forward to what's going to happen next in my life. Hang in there it does take time and it is still fresh for you.

 

THank you for showing me there are brighter days ahead.

I am sad that he doesnt want me.

More so because I want him...... so bad.

 

I am a great catch!

I know I am holding to hope so tightly .... maybe 1 day he will come back.

But I cant sit here waiting.

I guess I need to love myself and let go.

 

If I could lose these memories as well....

[samross]

minigirl,

 

One magical thing about time is that eventually the edge does start to wear down. You start forgetting the little things that were painful. At least when you remember them, they don't hurt as much. In my life there have been two relationships that rocked my boat more than any other relationship I have ever been in. The first was with a lady that I thought I simply could not live without. I pined for years over her even though I went on. The reason I hung on so long was that I was constantly around her. I didn't have the benefit of being able to forget her. Once I was able to do that (got a new job) I met new people and my life changed. She became a distant memory. The ex I'm dealing with today is different none the less painful.

 

Also, you didn't make me relive the pain. If I can help you it really is worth it. I have nothing else to do with my pain so why not use it to help someone? I'm a Christian and I'm probaby not supposed to believe in karma but I hope there is such a thing and it does come back to bite them. Not for my benefit but I believe people should know the cost of their actions. In some ways I think it already has.

[minigirl]

One magical thing about time is that eventually the edge does start to wear down. You start forgetting the little things that were painful. At least when you remember them, they don't hurt as much.

 

Yes, I'm sure one day, when I look back I won't feel this hurt.

At this moment, I think I'm afraid.

I'm afraid one day, I will forget and wont love him anymore.

Isn't it funny how I want to forget, yet I don't.

I'm also afraid he will forget me.

I'm afraid he will never love me again.

Well he already has......

I wasn't the best girlfriend, but why did he give up so easily if this was it?

 

In my life there have been two relationships that rocked my boat more than any other relationship I have ever been in. The first was with a lady that I thought I simply could not live without. I pined for years over her even though I went on. The reason I hung on so long was that I was constantly around her. I didn't have the benefit of being able to forget her. Once I was able to do that (got a new job) I met new people and my life changed. She became a distant memory. The ex I'm dealing with today is different none the less painful.

 

When I read this, I thought of your sister.

How a woman can be so strong.

I want to be like her.

I will admit I am weak.

You are a strong person !!!

Your words carry much strength.

 

As you can tell ..... I'm having another sad day.

Karma is all I have to look forward too......

I want to inflick hurt onto him... childlish I know

But I so want to hurt him.......

Sorry.....