GF losing attraction...

[SadHatter]

Hi guys,

 

My girlfriend of just over 2 years broke up with me last October time. I went no contact for about two weeks, maybe three weeks, and she called me, said she couldn't live without me etc.

 

Since then, things have been lovely - until a week ago. She started saying she didn't feel happy again, couldn't see us having a future together, even though she loves me so much. She seems really confused. I stayed at hers last night, she was a little distant, seemed a bit weird, but kept saying she's fine. She was still very kissy and touchy feely, but seemed a little distant.

 

She text me just now and said, "Have I made you feel sad again?" and I replied, "Yes...a little, you're being a bit indifferent with me". She's replied, "I feel like I'm losing/have lost the attraction. I love you and love spending time with you, but I'm worried the romantic feelings won't come back?"

 

I haven't let myself go or anything, not put on any weight etc. and always wear nice clothes and make an effort to look nice. Is this the end of the road for sure this time? Any ideas anyone??

 

By the way, she's 18 and I'm 25 - a big age gap I know and I certainly hadn't intended falling for anyone her age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But she's a beautiful girl and we share so much in common - it wasn't a 'flash in the pan' as you can tell as we've been together over 2 years.:sad:

 

Any advice as to what to do now would be greatly appreciated

[SapphireNoir10]

The romance does sort of get less intense and passionate the longer you go out and thats when the true relationship develops. A little romance is good but the passion isnt AS intense as when you first met. You start to know eachother better and thats when your eachothers best friends as well as lovers. Shes got to accept that you cant keep the romance, mystery alive forever and shes got to accept the changes in your relationship.

[SadHatter]

I have said this to her and she says that she doesn't feel like she should have to just feel "comfortable" at the age of 18. I said "If you think there's something better out there, go find it". I don't know what she wants. She says sometimes she feels we're wasting time as she can't see us always being together.

 

I don't know the solution. I say let's end it, and she never commits to ending it... one week she's happy, the next she isn't...she's so up and down and its confusing for me and gets me down. Now she says she feels there's no romance there. I don't know anymore...

[PixelPusher]

Yep, sounds like her "honeymoon" phase is over and now the REAL relationship begins. Nothing against you or your girlfriend, but I can't believe the number of people out there who just want to give up when they suddenly feel like the "passion" is gone.

 

Think of a relationship like a road, and the two people involved are in a car on the road. At first the road is interesting and new but soon, the people get more interested in tuning in to what is on the radio, or reading a magazine, that what is outside the window. So they get bored and put the car on "cruise control" and basically stop investing time together. But soon... the road is going to curve and if they aren't paying attention, they're going to drive off the side of the road.

 

Passion isn't just a magical thing... it is a choice and you have to WORK on it. Love sometimes is a CHOICE. If she still loves you, then why don't you two brainstorm on how to get that fire stoked back up. Relationships ALL go stale from time to time, and the two people involved have to invest in it.

 

If she can't honestly see you two together in the future, then it's time to end so she can go pursue those "sparks" with someone else. But you know what? They're going to die down with THAT person, too. If she wants your relationship to last (and you do too) then you both have to INVEST in it. Life and romance isn't Cinderella... there is no "Happy Ever After" without WORK.

[someguy88]

Dude she was 16 and you were 23 when you got together...what the heck did you expect bro? She was a kid when you got together and now she's becoming a woman.

[SadHatter]

Well, its over. I feel horrible. She said she just sees me as a best friend now and that she doesn't have those romantic feelings for me anymore. She said she loves me, but not in that way anymore and that it isn't anything I've done, it has just happened. She said that if she didn't see me now for two weeks, she'd really miss me, but she could easily go two weeks without kissing and cuddling me and she knows that isn't right. So its over. She text me straight after and said, "Thanks for being the best friend a girl could have xxx". I didn't reply to the text.

 

I haven't spoken to her since that last phone call, which was last night. She said she wants to stay friends, but I don't know...it never works does it? I'd be gutted if she started seeing someone else.

 

She actually broke up with me last October for three weeks, we went no contact and then she rang me and said she misses me so much and can't live without me. So we got back together. Two months later and now this! I can't believe it - we had a lovely Christmas together too.

 

Very sad tonight and don't know where to go with this...I spend every single weekend without fail with her, not sure what to do with myself now! We've just kind of gone 'no contact' without actually saying we would...

[CallingAllAngels]

I'm very sorry to hear this, but, I think it's a good thing that you are no longer just waiting for her to make a decision.

 

If she didn't have romantic feelings for you, then she was not the one for you.

 

Someone else will...I know it doesn't feel like it now.

 

Chin up...you deserve better than someone constantly changing their mind about you.