Best friends to being together to NOTHIGN PLEASE HELP ME!!!

[hotsoccrchic]

Freshman Year of college I met this guy John. He was one of the first guys I became really close to and eventually we developed feelings for each other. During that time I was on and off about how I felt and he fell for me really hard to the point that he kept coming up to my roomates and friends asking what he should do because he doesn't know how I feel. Eventually I found another guy and ended up being in a relationship with him, but john never acted upset about it or said anything. So after this John and became the best of friends to the point where we fought all of the time because we were always together. Few months later My boyfriend and I broke up and John and I stayed close friends.

The next couple of years we drifted apart because he ended up living off campus but everytime we saw each other (because our good friends were dating each other) we would get so excited and be hanging on each other all night because we missed each other, but still were just friends.My junior year I began to realize what an idiot I was and decided to try to get back with him because he treated me so well. So we ended up with the decision to start hanging out because we developed our feelings back. The first three months were amazing he always told me how beautiful I was, he called me all the time, and would visit me after classes. He treated me like a princess. I wouldn't even allow him to have sex with me because I didn't want our relationship to be based on that. So he always told me how hed wait for me and only me because he cared about me. He also told my bestfriend whos dating his roomate that He thinks h es ready to finally settle down with me. Then it started to get weird after one night of hanging out at his place with him and his friends who I barely knew so I was very shy, then later gave him attitude and cried to him because I told him I didn't want to be screwed over (I was drunk and stupid, but weve been together many times after being drunk). After that he stopped talking to me for a few days so I confronted him. I think what I did that night, being rude to him and barely talking to his friends turned him off because after I said somehting he said I don't know how i Feel I'm very confused. So I told him whatever and eventually he came crawling back.

After Christms break he came back adn we hung out again but one day he'd be obsessed with seeing me and then the next week he wouldn't even talk to me, and this went on for months but I just took all his bull * * * * and let him treat me like i didnt matter. After not talking to him for a couple weeks he saw me at the bar and was all about me and I yelled at him for not speaking to me and he grabbed my hand in front of eveyrone and just held it, and held me and we were so good that night and we finally had sex. Then the bull * * * * kept going on the saem, one week hes all about me nad the next hes not. I knew this was going on because when I didn't give him attention he'd want me and then when I did he didn't know how he felt. The thing is, I know how that feels because I was with him like that my freshman year when I was confused.

Summer came and we didn't talk for 2 months I got a short term boyfriend and when he heard he put on facebook that he was in an open relationship wiht a girl. It was real it was just to get me jelous. He finally saw I was out of the relationship and decided to call me because he missed me.

We get back to school our senior year nad we see each other and I wanted to go home with him but he said not tongiht. He later called me and apologized and said he just needed to go home and shower and how he promisses well hang out nad do something nice. His away message on AIM also said "im an idiot" because he didn't come back with me. I saw him at the bar a week later and he ignored me so I went up to him and told him I don't want to play games with him anymore and I was done and I walked away.

A week later I saw him at the bar again and he went up to my roomate and asked where I was, then he told her how he was an idiot and how he isn't the relationship type how hes never had a real relationship and he misses me etc. So he went up to me and apologized and we ended up hanging out after and he to me I make his emotions crazy and he just doesn't know what to do and what an idiot he was and always brought up the fact that I blew him off for my ex dave and how it drove him nuts. After that he was good with me but then later one I said * * * * i t and decided to go on a date with a guy. Few days later he started seeing someone. I texted him NOT KNOWING and askinged him why we havent talked and if theres some hint I should be getting. He said "I didn't know how to tell you but I met someone and were kinda seeing each other" Then he IMED me on aim and talked to me for 3 hours, wouldnt let me go until I accepted it. He told me 4 times in that conversation that he doesn't think it will last because he's not 100% into it because he still thinks about me, and how he doesn't think it will last with her. I told him I wasnt going to wait around for him. Then he kept asking me if I hated him cuz he didnt want to lose my friendship, then he asked about my life and family and who I was seeing because I told him in the convo that I went on a date but I thought about john the whole time.

This tore me apart I saw his away message a couple days later and it said "bedtime and thinking" meaning he was thinking about what to do. His nad her thing lasted a few weeks nad they stopped seeing each other(I dont know why) but Id see him at the gym and everytime he'd making it a point to say hello even if it meant jumping on the treadmill next to me and ask hows things are going. Thats the only contact he has had wiht me. And now him and that girl are "hookin up" again. I dont knwo what to do.

 

You will probably tell me to mmove on but i miss him and i miss our ffriendship adn the amazing fun times we had, we were always laughing and flirting even when he was wiht other girls. I miss it please help.

[Nick_10]

hey,

i know how you feel. i really miss my ex girlfriend, especially cause tomorrow would be our anniversary.

everyone has told me to move on because she is just playing with me and such, but i dont know what to do and i know you are in the same situation.

instead of me telling you to move on because of this and that, i am going to ask you to think to yourself...is it worth it all?

when i think about alllll of the times when my girlfriend and i were together, and i compare it to all of these crappy times now when we are apart, i still must say the good REALLY outweighs the bad.

right now my ex is confused and she doesnt know what she wants at all, whether to be with me or not to be with me, and to be honest, shes even acting really mean to me...but i know what she is really like and this is not the girl i had fallen in love with.

what i am doing now is giving her time and space to find out what she wants. she knows i love her and that I always will, but what I actually do want her to do right now is possibly experiment, and go out with other guys, see what she really wants...and like i guess you are in the same boat as well.

its reeally weird how hot and cold he is with you, but then again he is a human being just like all of us here and we all know how unexplainable emotions and feelings can be at times and how they make us do really weird things.

if you really want this boy back, then you are going to have to do it the hard way. you said before that when you stopped talking to him, that he came crawling right back to you. maybe thats what you need to do again. stop messaging him, just leave him alone. i know its going to be really hard, trust me, but you need to respect what he wants.

he broke up with this girl already once and he is bound to do it again. he is just so confused with what he wants, and unfortunetly, you are in the middle of it.

just give him some time alone, and let HIM decide on what he wants. like dont ignore him because thats bad, but dont go out of your way to be nice to him either. also, during the time hes with that other girl, why dont you go around on dates with other guys. like they dont have to be kissy kissy dates, but just like go out as friends dates.

if you do this, then maybe you will expand your horizons as to what you truly want in a guy and in the end, if he really still is on your mind, then maybe he is the right one for you.

just give it time and be patient

and most importantly, get out there and have a good time

[PixelPusher]

You both sound very confused, and frankly, very manipulative. Both jumping to and from relationship, some of which sound like are there just to fill "space" until you two hook up again. While you wrote you had a ton of good times together, all you WROTE about was all the bad, passive/aggressive, manipulative stuff going on.

 

Yes, you're right that I'm going to tell you to move on. Sure you may miss him... that is valid. But from what you wrote, the energy expended into this relationship isn't worth the heartache you're getting out of it. Be happy with yourself and do things YOU want to do and let him flounder from woman to woman.

[AnxiousGirl]

Don't you see that you're second best right now? He's seeing another girl at the moment but has to "think" about what he wants. The right thing for him to do would be to break up with the other girl and think on his own about who he wants to be with. It's not really fair to the girl he's with now either because his heart isn't totally in it. I say if he wanted to be with you he would be with you right now. Look at his actions, not at his words. Plus, I know you love him but why be with someone who can't carry on a stable relationship? He runs and comes back and runs and comes back. He clearly has issues he needs to work on. If you want stability, it certainly doesn't seem like you're going to find it with him just looking at the history. Your best bet is to date others and make yourself scarce in your ex's life until he gives some good indications that he's not going to run off again and again.