1HelluvaGirl Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Sometimes I have good days when I feel really strong and empowered, like I can survive on my own and I don't need him in my day-to-day life. But then there are other days, like today, where I feel like I just want to cry, stay in bed all day, and wake up 2 years into the future when the memories of him are faded and dull. It's hard to be an adult and have all these real-life responsibilities, like going to work and interacting with coworkers, all with a smile on your face. Just trying to hide the pain for a bit. Just waiting until you can get in your car for the drive home from work and have a good cry. I feel like the 'living dead' -- like a zombie I guess. Yeah, physically it is me... I am here, I've shown up for life today. But mentally, I am nowhere to be found. Part of me died that day when he left. I know I can get that part of me back eventually (hopefully), but how long will it take? I know you can't put time boundaries around the grieving process, but this sucks. We were supposed to be vacationing in the mountains this entire week, but instead he is gone and with someone new. I hope he feels like a fool for leaving me. Link to comment
Caterp Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I am in the same situation,together we will get through this Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 well girl. I too have those cries when alone. I cry alot when I'm alone. I go to work and school and put on that fake face. Go home and put a smile for the family then go to my room and just want to fall asleep crying. Trying to get school work and work done is soo hard especially when I'm alone. I live in CA too and what I like to do at times is to head over to the beach and look at that water. Cry it out as the sun sets and when the sun is gone I pick myself up and say ok it's time to stop crying and head home. Your avatar picture is a perfect view. I even been going to therapy for a while because it's hard dealing with it on my own. If you need to talk or need a buddy to just cry and vent to i'm here. I don't know what to tell you that you haven't already heard of which is.. time will heal but I've heard those same lines and it just doesn't go away like that. Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 thank you. You're really sweet to offer to talk. I hope that it gets easier for both of us really soon. hang in there. Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 lets just take it a day at a time. it's better when i'm surrounded by friends and not alone. i tend to have too much time to think and cry when i'm alone. Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 yeah, I hear you on that one. I live in the apartment that he and I shared together, so every night I come home and am alone. I spent the first month avoiding coming home and always making dinner plans or going to the gym after work. I guess I need to get into that social mode again and try to avoid being alone. I should probably also avoid drinking wine when I am alone (which has always been how I relax after work). tonight the wine has turned me into a blubbering mess, but it feels good to cry. I have avoided it all week. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I feel this exact same way -- particularly the bolded part. I just found out yesterday that my ex is getting back together with his previous ex, a woman who has left him several times already. I am totally gutted; I slept for one hour last night, have barely eaten (my stomach is roaring, but the thought of food makes me sick), and I had to somehow plaster a smile on my face today, teach several classes, and interact with colleagues. When I was alone, in my office, I cried. I cried in the car to and from work. Other than the time I've spent posting, I've been on the couch in a fetal position. I don't even know if I can get off the couch. This is only the first day, and can't fathom trying to get through even one more, let alone 30, 60, 90, and beyond. I hope for us all that someday soon we'll wake up in the morning really ready to live, and not just go through the motions. Hang in there, everyone. Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 I just had a pep talk from my parents over the telephone and think everyone could benefit from this wisdom. No matter how old I think I am, they know more and have been through more than me, so I think what they say "counts". I will try to do my best to recap what they continue to tell me. Here goes (hope this makes you feel better): Do you know how strong you are? You are so strong. You may not feel it, you may not see it, you may not even know that you are strong....but you are. We see it. Everyone who knows you sees it. Many other people would not be able to handle what you are going through; they would skip work, would give up, would not bother to deal with life in any way. But not you. You did the hard thing. You put on the brave face. You showed up today and you were present. So what if it is not 100%? That is OK. It is OK if you cry. It is OK if you cry in front of other people. Anyone with a heart will understand what you are going through. If they don't understand, then god bless them for not having a caring soul. It's ok if you don't eat today. Your body will tell you when it is ready to eat again. It is ok if all you wanted to do is curl up on the couch today. That is perfectly acceptable and NORMAL post-heartbreak behavior. Things will be better tomorrow. There will be ups and downs, but the bad days will eventually get fewer and farther between the good. You are a strong person and you WILL get through this, and things will get better. He is an idiot if he didn't recognize and appreciate all the love and goodness you had to offer. His loss. I know it feels like your loss right now, but it will not feel that way forever. You WILL get through this. You are STRONG. [At least, that's what my folks keep telling me!] Link to comment
CareBear53187 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hi, Wow...I feel like I could have written that myself. I literally power walk to my car out of my internship just so I can wallow in my own tears on the 45 minute commute. And yes, it is a rollercoaster...for me, it's not even days, it is moments..For brief moments in time, I can feel so at peace with it..and the next minute I'm literally doing a play by play of him proposing to another girl..a girl that doesn't even exist. It makes me feel dead, like I am an abnormal dysfunctional human being with no hope of recovery. I've heard that it gets better. I really do believe that a person can only be in so much pain before the heart begins to simply not let it exist in such a capacity...kind of like a virus, or a flu bug. It can only take you down for so long before your immune system kicks in. And yeah, some peoples immune systems are better than others. And some will heal more quickly, or more slowly. And some people have deficient immune systems, and it may really screw them up for a really long time...and for the unfortunate rare few, it could kill them. But for the most part, it really will get better everyday. Hang in there, and take comfort in the fact that you aren't crazy....this is normal. This is the healing process. Shalom Carrie Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 yeah, I hear you on that one. I live in the apartment that he and I shared together, so every night I come home and am alone. I spent the first month avoiding coming home and always making dinner plans or going to the gym after work. I guess I need to get into that social mode again and try to avoid being alone. I should probably also avoid drinking wine when I am alone (which has always been how I relax after work). tonight the wine has turned me into a blubbering mess, but it feels good to cry. I have avoided it all week. It was hard living in our apartment alone so I moved back home. Now we are still talking trying to be friends but all we do is argue. I am trying to keep busy with all that is going on in my life but I still can't help but think of him. I think the problem is that he is soo close in distance but yet soo far apart. I just feel like moving away somewhere really far trying to forget about all the memories. Link to comment
-BK- Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 First, it's GREAT that you have such a supportive family and friends. I know, I would have had a very hard time getting through my first couple of months without my family and friends. The fact that you are reaching out, trying to see ahead, and not just sitting at home moping does show how strong you really are. It takes strength to reach out and talk about the painful feelings. I heard the phrase "fake it until you make it" a couple of months ago. I don't really like the phrase, but there is some truth to it. You do have to continue to live your life, whether you feel like it each day or not. You shouldn't have to tell everyone that you are an emotional wreck, so you almost have to put on a show for them. You can save the emotions and grieving until you have alone time or time with close friends/family. In the long run, it's more healthy to limit the amount of time you let yourself grieve and think about him. Those little memories will still come along, but they will get easier. I actually flashed back to my college girlfriend the other day because of something I did with her parents. I wasn't sad at all. You'll get there. Link to comment
thouse Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Don't hope he feels like a fool. Know that he was an idiot for leaving the best thing that could have happened to him. Link to comment
tigertabbycat Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I feel the same was as you do 1Helluvagirl. I have stumbled through work for the past few days and then started crying when I got in my car. My pain started earlier this week and I am not looking forward to the next several months of greiving. I do know that I have been here before and survived thereforeeee, I will survive again. You will survive this, too. It really sucks about your vacation. I am going to have to cancel my April vacation with my ex that was scheduled back in June. Something great lies ahead for us in the future we just have to get there. Link to comment
Tallisman Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I empathize with what you are going through and hope you find the strength to move on with your life. However, I do not share the need to pass judgement and call your Ex names like "...idiot ..." as THOUSE just did. Since you did not share with us the dynamics of the relationship and what lead up to him '...leaving you...' You may certainly call him names, but we should not join you in that. We are here to support you overcome the hurt. Some people will just as soon leave and insufferable relationship than to stay in it only to fight, cheat and lie. Link to comment
lostandworried Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 So difficult isnt it, I can never decide if I should think about everything and let it out, or if its best to instantly STOP myself as soon as I start thinking about it and start doing something right away!!! Theres no easy way is there Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 I empathize with what you are going through and hope you find the strength to move on with your life. However, I do not share the need to pass judgement and call your Ex names like "...idiot ..." as THOUSE just did. Since you did not share with us the dynamics of the relationship and what lead up to him '...leaving you...' You may certainly call him names, but we should not join you in that. We are here to support you overcome the hurt. Some people will just as soon leave and insufferable relationship than to stay in it only to fight, cheat and lie. He was my fiance, broke up with me, and then immediately started dating someone he met while we were engaged. Our wedding date was scheduled for this July. I have a wedding dress hanging in my closet. I don't think he is an idiot, but know that he is a fool for leaving me. No fighting, no lying, no cheating going on between us. I don't think calling him a fool is too harsh considering the circumstances Link to comment
HajiMaji Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 It's hard to be an adult and have all these real-life responsibilities, like going to work and interacting with coworkers, all with a smile on your face. Just trying to hide the pain for a bit. Just waiting until you can get in your car for the drive home from work and have a good cry. I feel like the 'living dead' -- like a zombie I guess. Yeah, physically it is me... I am here, I've shown up for life today. But mentally, I am nowhere to be found. Part of me died that day when he left. I know I can get that part of me back eventually (hopefully), but how long will it take? Hey, I am really sorry to hear you are having a rough go of things. You perfectly articulated how I felt for a real long time. You will get everything you need back, but its exactly like you said, who knows how long it will take. The good news is that sooner or later it will happen, and in the mean time our lives arent meaningless. Even in suffering we are given chances to extend our character. Sometimes I liked to think that braving the sad days was a task I had to do with dignity. I couldnt control my emotions to make me feel better, but I could definitely control how I managed them. Everyday I didnt make a huge fool of myself was a good day for me It sounds like you are on the right track by the way. Its just that this stuff is extremely painful and difficult to deal with. Better days are ahead. There is no way you will be able to stay in this pain forever. Sooner or later it will be good. Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 i'm confused you said he started dating her when you got engaged? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.