Would like advice

[Lettingo]

Hello,

 

Recap: Long term Boyfriend 4 years(lived together for 3 years, moved accross country, built a house together, new puppy) broke up due to not being ready for next step...marriage. I moved back accross country back home. For the 1st month after the break up conversation we had to stay in the same house for a month or so while arrangements were being taken care of(job transfer, moving truck,etc) during this time we were never mean or cruel. We actually still would hang out with friends and only a few crying conversations about poss of us getting back together. Moved back home DEC 3 weeks NC by Christmas eve we talked and got together on New years eve and it was wonderful we had such a great time and he told me how much he missed/loved me and may have made mistake.

I had some friends say and do some mean things and I called him about week later and he told me to come and see him. So i went and stayed with him for the weekend. Again it was fun, nice and talking about us was very limited.

Just this last week he stayed with me for the weekend and again a wonderful time and he keeps telling me to be patient and that he is still trying to figure things out.

 

I have made it very clear we are not FWB and that if the answer is still going to be no, he needs to let me go so I can move on without him. He u/s this and just tells me to be patient

 

What would you do..have a long talk or just give more time

[Zampotne]

Probably give it more time.

 

You already invested a lot of time in this man. What's a little more? If you don't you may be throwing away your future marriage.

 

Marriage is a big step and needs to be thought through.

 

I wouldn't sit around for years, but don't bail on him yet IMO.

[jenny_mcs]

I think that the only think that is going to make him come around is to feel and regret your absense. You guys were together for 4 years- he already knows how wonderful you are, and he still wouldn't commit to marriage. Now he still gets to talk to you, come see you, spend time with you, know that you love him, etc- and he get all this without moving one step closer to marriage.

 

I would tell him that it is only fair to you that you move on with your life. Let him know that if he changes his mind you are open to hearing from him and talking about things.

 

I just fear that if you continue on this way, you are only setting yourself up to get hurt once again.Seeing him casually like this is probably dulling the pain of the break-up for you- but it is also delaying your healing and moving on with your life. Good luck.

[CatsMeeoow]

I do think you need to give him some space and time to figure things out... in the meantime be less available to him.

 

Pick up an art class or take an exercise class - after 4 yr re-establish yourself with your own identity. The new activity will keep you busy and make you less available to him.

 

I don't believe in cutting him out completely but don't let him lean on you while he is waffling.

 

Good Luck to you!