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Does she want what I do?(Need as many replies as possible!!)


lonesome gemini
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Here's my story-I've had crushes on 2 girls in high school-we were friends but it never got anywhere because I was shy. I don't know if that mattered, but I think I could've had a chance with one of them. She showed interest in me. Anyway, that's not my story, I met a girl at work and quickly became friends with her. We hung out, but only around work and maybe afterwards. She had very low self-esteem, especially about dating. So, I tried to hook her up with my best friend. They saw each other a couple of times but it wasn't working out...for her. She wanted to talk about it with me and repeatedly brought up "would you hate me if I didn't go out with him?" Of course I told her no and she still wanted to talk. We were out in her car late one night and after a long period of talking she said things like. "I'm more attracted to you than him, did you look forward to coming over to my house?" I finally asked her if she had feelings for me. She said yes and started to cry. I looked out into the distance and didn't know what to say or do so I grabbed her hand and comforted her telling her that I liked her as a friend and I thought she was attractive. But I turned her down. I thought about it all night and all the way up to the next day when I saw her again. I ended up asking her out.

 

Well, I had the longest fight I've ever had with my best friend, but it passed. Me and the girl started seeing each other and at first, I really didn't like her at first, but over time I completely fell for her. We went really slow because she never had a real boyfriend before. About two months later, I decide I was going to tell her I wanted her to be my girlfriend and did, but I said, "I love you." She replied,"you don't love, me you don't even know what love is." I immediately said, "Maybe I don't love you but I love being with you." All I did was scare her. When I looked into her eyes, I couldn't think straight, all I could think about was how beautiful she looked and how much I wanted to be with her. So, I screwed up and said things that scared her.

 

We had one good day, I had to go away for awhile and when I came back, those words came up, she "needed to talk". She told me she wanted a break. Okay, that means, a little time away, then we're back together, right? She tells me later that she meant it was over. She didn't really like me, she was just lonely, not ready, etc.

That hurt me deeply, pissed me off, and practically crushed me. Pushed depression right into my whole state of being.

We don't talk for months. It was very hard since I saw her constantly. One of the reasons, was I was hoping she would come to me and talk so we could still be friends. She never did. I enjoyed being around the girl so much, I couldn't stand not talking to her.

One of the other people at work said it was, the "I love you" and nothing else. So, I went and talked to her and now we're friends again it took a lot of time, but we're hanging out, seeing movies, visiting each other's house, etc. She asked me to go with her to her senior prom and often wants to be around me at work. I turned down her prom offer and told her it was because I was trying to get over her. Friends say she wants me to change my mind about the prom thing but only as friends and not romantically. Other girls say she's just saying that. She keeps talking about asking this one guy out and to her prom "if she can't find anybody else to go with."

 

I still like her, ALOT. Everytime I see her, she looks more beautiful to me and I constantly want to kiss her and hold her. All the girls and some of the guys I work with are being my inside source and pushing us to get back together. Everyone tells me that she's always looking at me and still really likes me. I know that she doesn't look at any body the way she looks at me because whenever I look at her she always tilts her head and smiles. She was my first and only girlfriend and out of all the guys she's been with, I was the one that got the closest to her. I've got it bad...Suggestions, advice, anything....I will be totally grateful.

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Hi,

 

I have read your posting. You're in a difficult situation. I am not sure what to advise you exactly, because I don't have any clue as of what's going on in her mind.

 

I do know, though, that you seem to walk on your toes to do anything to get you two guys back together. Personally I think you did well, telling here the "I love you". It shows that you communicate in an open way and that you are not walking away for your responsibilities. Way to go!

 

Just avoid a situation, in which you'll get her back and get walked on your toes to make things happen. A relation means some work, but NOT hard work. It takes 'giving' both ways, not one way. I can tell from experience!

 

Good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

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I do not put you down in any way for telling her "i love you"...I agree with swing fox here. However, I do think that you may have intimidated, scared her a bit. but I think she sees that she cares deeply for you and that she still likes you. Maybe she is not ready to say the same back. I think it is unfair of her to break things off with you without being as open as you were with her, however, I think she acted this way because she felt frightened. I think you should stand by your decision to not go to prom with her. That is a romantic gesture and she has wounded you here. And if what some say about "if I cant find anyone else" is true, then you are better off not going anyway. I think you will know the establishment of her true feelings when prom has ended and you know that you weren't being used as a back-up plan. But she may say she wants to go as friends but in her heart may really want to share that moment with YOU. In any case, I think you are right in your decision to say no and should stick with it.

It sounds to me that the relationship is beginning to take form again. Let it happen, dont pressure anything with her, it may scare her off again. Enjoy going to the movies with her and spending time with her. When she begins to show you that she is ready to start over, then give her a soft kiss and leave the rest to her.

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First of all, I would like to thank all my repliers for helping me out with my problems. Mermay, yours were so wonderful..

for future understanding and anonymity i will refer to her as "anime princess" cause she loves the anime...

I'd like to finish this post with an update on my situation as it stands. Me and AP are seeing each other but only as groups like of three or four by the time it's just us she decides to leave. Still likes to go out alone with me ON BREAK AT WORK but I think she's uncomfortable around me, she didn't say so, but I feel it, almost like she's afraid to touch me. The guy she said she likes turned her down, so AP is going to say yes to the prom by someone who she doesn't like at all and I wasn't a backup plan cause 'she asked me first I turned down wish I didn't now because too late to change mind.

Talks about dreading having him ask her. I got asked to the same prom by one of her friends (as friends) but I don't want to go with. I'd rather go with AP but I'd meet up with her there either way. She's gonna be beautiful and I won't be able to stand seeing her dance with someone else.

Anyone who wants to reply please do. but this question's 'specially for mermay, you said i shouldn't go should I go with AP or go with friend or stay home and play PS2? Should I stay away completely and just wait it out?

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Well, gemini, I think you made a decision and told her that you were not going to go with her. I believe that if you dont, it will tell her two things. A) that she hurt you and that you are giving her the space she assked for, and B)that you dont back down from a firm decision that you make. This is a strong quality that people respect. I go back to my original advice to tell you that i think you should continue being friends with her and enjoy her company, and leaving the door open for her when she is ready. Matter of fact, if you are gutsy enough, you just say to her in as few words as,"You always have a place in my heart and I am willing to give it another shot when you are ready." And then leave it at that and let her come to you. If you continue to be there for her, she will come around.

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That makes alot of sense, hopefully she'll get that message, however she's not all that mature(relationship wise), so I think I'll stay,but the other friend really needs someone to go with or she can go with her everything-but-physically abusive boyfriend and she really doesn't need to do that. Whatever, I'm getting away from my topic, If I go I am gonna cry over how beautiful she'll be and watch her dance with...NOT ME!! But I don't wanna turn down my friend given the circumstances for HER, so I'll manage. Do you think I can still get the message accross and save a dance for her? Truth is, it's not just me. My friends, family, co-workers, were all trying to get me to go. And her friend asking me, it's almost like something's forcing me to go, like maybe that's where I will kiss her for the first time, and the powers that be don't want me to miss that. That's just wishful thinking, actually. I'm sorry for boring you but the bottom line is that I'm afraid that if I don't go at all, the only girl I've ever really cared about will slip through my fingers.

 

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If something is meant to happen, then there will be another opportunity for it to happen. I dont think you should go if you are convinced you will be miserable or if you get your hopes up that something will happen. But if your heart tells you otherwise, then you should. What is your heart(not your head) telling you to do? You really have to learn to listen to your heart. Maybe you could suggest for this girl to go with her friend(the one with the bad bf). That should solve things in that regard. Girls always go together.

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They both want to go with dates, and they don't want to go alone together. Not alot of girls do. As for the feelings of my heart, my heart is telling me to ask her to do something completely alone with me, and I would tell her all of the feelings I have for her. Hoping she would finally reveal her true feelings for me and not hold anything back. Whether it be the same feelings I have for her or continuing to stay friends and hang out, I want her to tell me now, I'm afraid of her getting together with someone else, I want to be her first kiss and share the moment she treasures so much. Although, now I started telling her, 'I don't like anyone," when the subject comes up. I think it helps her to be comfortable around me, but she turns her head down or gets really quiet everytime I say that. Maybe, I should drop face, and just tell her I still have feelings for her, attempt to kiss her, and take it as it comes, but I want to wait, give it time, but I feel like she'll get someone else over time even if she really doesn't like the guy, because she really hates to be alone and I know for a fact she's tired of waiting for the kiss.

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  • 2 weeks later...

dude, I know how hard it can be to try and rekindle things that have gone astray. I say, let the whole prom thing ride out the way it is, then afterwards get her alone with you, sit her down, and pour your heart out; get it all out of your system. go from there...find out how she REALLY feels. you got to get her to open up to you. you can NOT base a relationship on thinkin you kno a person....hope this helps

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