ccpjc Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 its been 1 month since our breakup and a couple weeks NC It almost feels like yesterday she was telling me to leave. I don't believe it's been a month already, shes the last thing i think about when i goto sleep at night and the first thing when i wake up. i usually dream about her every night, i'm not sure why. i've been dreaming about her for the past week, and everytime i do, my dreams wake me up. usually at 6:45, i guess thats cause thats what time i used to get up for work when we lived together. its weird, its always 6:45 on the dot.. im tired as hell lately, i can't really fall asleep at a decent time anymore, usually 1am at the earliest.. i try to keep busy, go out, hang out, hit the gym but shes always in the back of my mind.. we always celebrated our month-aversary.. and now im celebrating my break-up-versary.. well not celebrating but kinda of sad ah i miss her, i still can't cry, dunno if i ever will, maybe im healing or maybe im just getting more depressed Link to comment
d1211 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 hang in there pal. i know how you feel. in 4 days it will be a month for me that me and my ex broke up. we havent spoken to each other in all that time, no text message or phone calls or emails. it sucks. the same thing with me, i would dream about him every single day, i still do. hes the first thing think of in the morning and the last thing i think of when i go to sleep. i wish i could just get him out of my mind. yes i do have my moments where im really really depressed, but theres days that im ok. with time we will feel better. hopefully in a month we will be posting here saying that we are doing way better and feel way better Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 aw, I'm sorry that you went through a break up, but don't worry. Soon you'll think about her less and less. It's good that you are keeping busy and you should continue doing that. It's still early in the breakup, give yourself time. We here at enotalone will listen to whatever you have to say, so never feel alone. Link to comment
BrokenTinMan Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Sorry to hear you're going through this too. My cycle and patterns are pretty much the same... Wake up as if from a coma with feelings of half-dread, half-hope ... Go through the day like a zombie, are my limbs still attached? ... Post on ENA, talk to friends, go to school... feel slightly better ... See/hear/smell things that remind me of ex... cry ... Hope that he comes back ... Get a cold re-affirmation that he won't and my life if forever changed ... Cry myself to sleep ... Dream of ex and of reconciliation ... Wake up as if from a coma with feelings of half-dread, half-hope Wash, Rinse, Repeat. Link to comment
d1211 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Sorry to hear you're going through this too. My cycle and patterns are pretty much the same... Wake up as if from a coma with feelings of half-dread, half-hope ... Go through the day like a zombie, are my limbs still attached? ... Post on ENA, talk to friends, go to school... feel slightly better ... See/hear/smell things that remind me of ex... cry ... Hope that he comes back ... Get a cold re-affirmation that he won't and my life if forever changed ... Cry myself to sleep ... Dream of ex and of reconciliation ... Wake up as if from a coma with feelings of half-dread, half-hope Wash, Rinse, Repeat. I SECOND THAT! Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 its a month for me today... I didnt even realize that because I had no idea its 24th today. everything you posted bid I feel the same. Now nights are not that bad for me but mornings... Man I don't want to wake up anymore how much it hurts to open the eyes in the morning and realize she's not next to me. Its strange how you and I are so similar and the break up happened pretty much same time. Link to comment
mezmerist Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 It will be a month for me next Friday. And you guys are right...it's painful to lay in bed alone, but it's blissful because it's one time when I feel like I can finally escape the pain of being aware of my ex being gone. But morning comes, and when I wake up, especially multiple times at night, I roll over and realize that he's not there next to me. And my heart breaks all over again. And then I check my text messages and realize there are none. It's like groundhog day every day, in the worst way. I've found myself going to bed earlier each night to try and escape my sadness. *sigh* Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 You're exactly right... I too go to sleep early because I just want the day to be over. I wish I can fall asleep and not wake up for couple months... Waking up every morning and when the stupid reality hits me I just want to go back to sleep. I love the groundhog day movie and it definetely feels like we are in that movie. Now if only I could have the good times with her over and over.... Boy would that be sweet. It will be a month for me next Friday. And you guys are right...it's painful to lay in bed alone, but it's blissful because it's one time when I feel like I can finally escape the pain of being aware of my ex being gone. But morning comes, and when I wake up, especially multiple times at night, I roll over and realize that he's not there next to me. And my heart breaks all over again. And then I check my text messages and realize there are none. It's like groundhog day every day, in the worst way. I've found myself going to bed earlier each night to try and escape my sadness. *sigh* Link to comment
mezmerist Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I think it's even worse, because I can't imagine my ex going through this the way I am. Of course, I will never know...but I really am having a tough time convincing myself that he is suffering like I am. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 well there really is no need to convince yourself at all. He is not with you so he is suffering. He left the best thing that happened to him and sooner or later when the reality kicks in then the suffering will begin for him. I know my ex isn't suffering... She is having time of her life in another country and with another guy. It hurts like somebody stuck a knife in my heart and its twisting it... But I can't do anything about it. I have to get over it for myself because she really is not worth my life and my pain. Both your and mine ex will realize what they lost sooner or later... And even though my heart wants her now... If and when she decides she would want me back it will be too late. Keep your head up and your thoughts on the healing part. We'll get thru it. Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hey mezmerist and robert7x, We are quite a bunch aren't we. It's been a little over a month for me and today is her birthday. Tough that she is celebrating it with someone else. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 yup the big trio Don't worry about her bday bud she is not your problem anymore. Sure it hurts that you're not there with her when she blows the candles but we need to focus on us now, not them. The less you think about things like that the sooner you will get better. Since three of us are so similar In this tragedy we need to do a weekly check on one of the threads just like an update on how far we are and what's new. Keep thinking positive and hopeffuly soon we will be happy again. Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Thanks robert7x. I know in my head I have to focus elsewhere. It is just hard for my heart to. There have been moments far and few in between where she is out of my head. Hope you're doing better than I. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I'm on a rolercoaster... Sometimes I'm ok and sometimes I just want to scream of pain. I can't cry for some reason... I tried but nOthing is happening which is weird. Overall I guess I'm just trying to make it from day to day... I'm optimistic for first time in my life though that we'll get thru this one way or the other. We're strong, we are men... I think we can take the pain. This will pass just like everything in this life. Link to comment
ccpjc Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 well tomorrow has become today... and of course the day has started off terrible.. i was about to leave for work when my father started lecturing me about this and about that.. just going into a freaking hissy fit about god knows what... the dreams stopped last night but i still continue to wake up at 6:45, actually this morning it was 6:48 so i got lucky for 3 minutes. but the memories haven't, they're actually a lot worse today. i'm trying to study for a course i want to take (CCNA) but i can't manage to take 2 seconds and retain anything, its like my memory is full. i wish i could just -RIGHT CLICK -> DELETE - but i can't.. not to mention its cold as hell outside, i hate winter with a passion i feel like i want to find someone else and just forget about her, or at least try to. maybe its the good person in me or i dunno, but i cant really think about being with somebody other then her. im now at the point where i only want to date a viet girl, cause her family was so nice to me and she was so amazing. i've been with white girls and they're just not right, i've been with a flip.. and yea, ill never do that again.. (btw im white) sigh.. i dunno todays gonna be a tough day, i can feel it already Link to comment
d1211 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 well today is 1 month for me and almost a month that we havent heard from each other. it sucks. i am doing a little better compared to the first few days of the breakup. obviously i still miss him and i wish i could call him or email him or contact him in any way but i hold my self back. Link to comment
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