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I want to fix a really BIG problem with a girl that I like


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Im separated from my wife. I met this girl a year ago. And we've became good friends. She always knew about my relationship and my very old problems with my partner. She suppported in my darkest hours. She stood by my side when my ex advise her to be away while we were breaking.


Months ago I said to my friend that I was feeling something about her, and she said Stop. I said ok and we continued our friendship.


Things began to complicate because during my split with my ex I was completely broke emotionally. All the time I was sad and only talking about my problems. My separation was extremely dramatic and my friend always knew the details. However we've tried to be friends.


Once definetely splitted I began to hang around with my friend (Im foreigner in the country where this history happens, so I dont have so much friends yet in this country). And we went to a disco and I got a bit jealous when I saw her flirting with anothe guy. I tried to hide it but she notice it. No one said anything.


My friend is abroad now, and she offered me to stay in her appartment while Im still looking for one. I moved with my stuff and suddenly we began to fight because I was still immersed in my "relationship things" and I didnt notice that she was requiting attention because she was feeling really bad about an illness of her sister. We fought and she argued that she was doing alot for me and I was all the time in my "things". We agreed some things and I thought it was ok.


Then we went for new year's eve party, and she flirted with another guy and my feelings and jealousy was more evident. I think I began unconsciously began to compete with the other guys. She got angry and we discussed and the friend intervened ... in the middle of the fight I said to her that I cant hide anymore my feelings for you... Indeed a disaster.. I left the party extremely distroyed.


The next day. I tried to apologized, she was angry and feeling betrayed. She said that she has forgiven me but that it will be take time to forget what happen. That she wants distance and she really wants me to rebuild my life. That she does not want to help me carry the burden. I also took contact with her bestfriend and apologize with him because of the bad moment.


She will return in a month...


I want her back in my life as my friend. I quit for her feelings, but I wanna show her that Ive learnt the lessons that Ive grown up, that I have grab again the joy of being happy, that I am doing the things that I like ( music and arts) but that during this time I DID EVRYTHING FOR MYSELF. So I only can offer her just a better person. A person more awared of iits weaknesses and strengths. I will try to be relaxed and not needy with her and that I want her back, but I will respect her decisions and that nothing will happen because Im doing my life and Im doing fine....


Am I doing fine?


I dont know if this new point of view will help ....


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I think you want to set yourself up to get hurt again. You obvious still have feelings for this girl and she's made it clear both directly and through her behaviour in other ways that she does not feel the same and is not comfortable with you having those feelings for her. It's not just the fact that you had become a burden with all your breakup woes that have driven her away; it's the fact that you are showing feelings for her that are making her uncomfortable.


If you try to be her friend again, sooner or later you will repeat the previous pattern. I do understand the desire to show someone that you're not the messed up person that they think you are, that you can stand on your own two feet, and generally get a better opinion from them, but in this case you run a serious risk of achieving exactly the opposite.


If I were you, I'd really leave it until you actually have no feelings for her anymore. Then you will be able to do a much more convincing job of showing her your better side through genuine and honest friendship.

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