Every girl I end up being attracted to

[Puma]

is ALWAYS straight and/or has a boyfriend.

 

How do some of you females end up with girlfriends? Was it just a matter of really strong chemistry, and did luck also play a role?

 

I know that them being straight doesn't necessarily mean that there's no chance in hell at all (as there've been plenty of women who identify themselves as 'straight' but somehow end up in a lesbian relationship); but by me knowing that, I repress any hint of attraction to prevent my emotions from taking over. To me it seems nearly impossible to somehow sway a heterosexual female.

 

There was a girl I fell very hard for during my junior year in high school. I confessed my feelings to her on the night of graduation, to which she didn't reciprocate. Part of me to this day still believes that something more could've happened had I been a guy. Same with my old best friend, because the chemistry was there. Only thing stopping me really was my vajeen.

 

It seems as if they're afraid of [the thought of] sex with another female that it disgusts them and/or fear of potentially facing social stigmas and judgment from others. I can understand if they're just genuinely not interested, but to "convert" a straight girl would not only be a great feat but a pretty good ego boost as well.

[SapphireNoir10]

Hmm. My aunty always had this problem but when she got older she started visiting bars and clubs where the majority of the people were NOT straight. All the girls might be a bit young to know exactly what they want.

[Ava23]

So, essentially, you feel entitled to being in an intimate relationship with whomever you want, regardless of THEIR feelings towards you or their sexual orientation. Isn't that a rapist mentality? I'm a lesbian. And a feminist. While I don't subscribe to the belief that sexuality is 'black and white', MANY if not MOST who identify as heterosexual are not going to be interested in a homosexual relationship. Period. Of course society plays a role.And of course, if society did not shove men/marriage/babies down the throat of every woman from birth there would be more women open to the option of creating a life with another woman. But that isn't how things are (right now) so

If you pursue heterosexuals, then you will most likely never have any sort of meaningful relationships. If all you want are flings, maybe you'll find what you want. Maybe.

 

You list your age as 19, I'm sure there must be organizations for gay and lesbian youth in San Diego, if you are in college, even more options. If you make some non-heterosexual friends you will ultimately end up meeting THEIR (non-heterosexual)friends etc etc, and voila, there's your dating pool.

 

If I sound judgemental, I don't mean to; I've just never understood the rationale behind pursuing people that are uninterested. Be they male, female,gay or straight.

 

To answer the intial question: I met the first woman I dated in college and the second through a friend.

[samantha20]

my ex girlfriend and I both thought we were straight before we eneded up in a relationship. There was chemistry between us that I didn't realise was sexual until we got drunk and ended up kissing and sleeping together. She was terrrified of people finding out because she was my manager but also because she didn't want people to think she was gay. We had a secret relationship for 2 years and she broke up with me new years eve and is now going out with a man. I don't know if her feelings for me stopped, or if she was just deperate for a 'normal' relationship, which she told me she is relieved to finally have.

 

So I'm kind of as unsure as you about all this. I went to uni at 18 thinking I was straight, ended up in a gay relationship and I'm now 20, have just come out of the relationship and am now confused as hell. I can't imagine being with a man now, but not sure if that is just because I got so used to being with a woman and am still in love with her. I'm just as confused as you about how to persue a relationship with a woman.. I find myself attracted to women who are seemingly straight and sometimes I feel like they're flirting with me but I don't want to embarrass myself by trying anything. Like a woman I work with doesn't know me very well, but puts lots of kisses at the end of her messages to me about work, and touches me a lot - like coming up behind me and putting her hands on my hips. I know that sexuality comes in shades of grey which makes me think maybe I have a chance with these women like what happened with my ex. But I don't know if what happened with us was a rare occurrence.

 

Although, when I was younger a 'straight' friend, told me that she had something to tell me and after a lot of awkward pauses and stuttering, she tells me that she is in love with me, and is really confused because she's never felt that way about a woman before. I was young and also confused and surprised, and didn't really know how to deal with the situation. I told her I wanted to be friends as I was going to uni anyway and convinced myself I was straight. But when I got to uni the relationship with my manager started and this girl carried on texting me telling me she missed me and loved me. If I hadn't started the relationship with my ex maybe it would have gone somewhere.. she gave up though and is now in a serious relationship with a man. Since I broke up with my ex I have been thinking about her, but it wouldn't be fair to ruin her relationship with her bf now, and she might not feel the same anymore.

 

So yeah, I've had 2 opportunities to be in a relationship with 'straight' women, that sprung as complete surprises from friendship, without me even trying to attract them! The odd thing is that both women said that I'm the only woman they've ever been attracted to and are now with men! What does that mean? I know there are shades of grey, but being straight apart from an attraction to a single woman out of all the billions of women in the world..? I don't understand..

 

So basically I'm as confused as you. But my experiences show that it is possible to get involved with women who say they are straight, I just don't know how to actively encourage it to happen, because both times the women just randomly showed interest. I still don't know if they are in denial about their sexuality or if I was just an exploration of curiosity or whatever.. I don't even know if I'm gay or bi, because I had a bf who i was in love with when I was like, 17 but haven't been into men during or since my relationship with my ex. I would like to hear people's thoughts too..

 

someone suggested looking at face party for gay women but it felt a bit weird. I normally develop feelings for women after knowing them as friends first, and I don't want to sound judgemental about stereotypes of sexuality, but many women who are openly gay conform to a stereotype of short spiky hair, masculine clothes etc, which i don't personally find attractive, which may be why I generally find myself attracted to seemingly 'straight' women.

[Puma]

Wow. I obviously struck a nerve seeing as how you signed up and had this as your first post.

 

Relax. Turn the hostility down a few notches please....

 

To go as far as telling me that I have a rapist's mentality? I'm not TRYING TO FORCE anyone into anything. Like I said (and you've probably skipped over), I wrote that I'd completely understand if they were genuinely uninterested. When that happens, I shut my mouth, leave them be, and move on. It's not like I'd physically grab them and have my way with them if I didn't get what I wanted.

 

 

 

Flings are meaningless to me.

 

 

 

Though there are those few, rare instances where that has happened.

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately clubs and bars are not an option for me being underaged, and plus I'd prefer to meet someone through school/mutual friends/by chance. That being said, I'm patiently waiting for something to come in.

 

I'm transferring to San Francisco State University within the next year or so. Hopefully being in a bigger city (and one with a reputation for having a very large homosexual population) will increase my chances.

[Ava23]

Nothing hostile about me, Puma, and I stand by what I said.

 

Seeking to impose one's will on another, rationalizing the reasons one is being rebuffed (ie, the women would want me if I was male), and then saying were it not for society the women would be gay, etc. IS similar to the typical male sexual aggressor attittude of "I know she wanted it, she's just playing hard to get" etc .

 

If you come to a public message board looking for advice, then don't be surprised when you get honest opinions that you may not like. Nothing will prevent you from continuing on as you are if that's your choice, but it's a little unrealistic to expect to find a meaningful same-sex relationship when you surround yourself with heterosexuals instead of seeking out other lesbian and/or bisexual women.

 

You blatantly stated that you want an "ego boost" by "converting" a heterosexual woman. That it would be a "great feat". IMHO, you sound disturbed and maybe you should work on underlying issues before pursuing a relationship with anyone.

[Puma]

I can take constructive criticism, but all you're really doing is placing all this negative judgment on me. I am far from disturbed and am a levelheaded individual, especially for my age. Don't let my youth lead you to believe I don't know wrong from right.

 

My last sentence didn't blatantly state that I WANT an ego boost. That sentence wasn't supposed to be taken [extra] seriously; hence the smiley placed at the end.

 

Like I've said twice, if I KNOW they're straight, I shut my mouth and leave them be. I'm capable of maintaining perfectly healthy friendships with them too. If I really were disturbed, you'd think I'd continue to pursue them and probably go as far as stalking them and getting physical. Only in Lifetime movies.

 

 

 

It doesn't apply to every female I've crushed on, but two of my close friends have openly admitted that to me. The chemistry was there.

 

 

Then again, why am I even bothering to sway your opinion.

[samantha20]

come on guys this site is meant to make people feel like they are not alone with friendly advice! I was trying to demonstrate with my experiences that it is possible for women who would generally percieve themselves as straight, to express an attraction for another woman. Because 2 women that I have been friends with, who deemed themselves straight, both developed sexual feelings for me and told me that I'm the only woman they have ever had feelings for. They are now both with men, so maybe they are predominately straight, I don't know. But sexuality is very unfixed, and it is possible to end up in a serious relationship with a woman who previously identified herself as straight, because I've done it. So surrounding yourself with openly gay women in a gay bar is going to increase your chances, but it isn't impossible for a seemingly heterosexual friend to fall for you.

[Ava23]

Puma, to wrap this up, I guess you were expecting people to say "oh poor you", and I'm sure others will be happy to do that. I offered what is (in my opinion) logical advice. By your own admission what you've been doing (seeking romance with straight women) isn't working for you, so the logical conclusion would be to seek out other bi/lesbian women and find a support system/friends/potential partners that way. And i've lived in small, relatively conservative areas ever since I came out and I still managed to find other GLB students/groups etc. so I'm sure you could do the same in the area that you are in.

[Ava23]

I don't think anyone would argue that it is "impossible" for someone to develop an attraction to a member of the sex they do not generally gravitate towards,Samantha. However, if someone states that they are not interested in you (in the general sense), or anyone of your sex, pursuing it any further is futile. I guess I don't really get where the whole "let's convert straight women" crowd is coming from.

 

Doesn't it make more sense to find some cool bi/lesbian women that DON'T want to be with men in the first place???

[Puma]

Your posts here were very interesting (good stories by the way), and I could definitely relate to not wanting to embarrass yourself by making any moves or saying anything.

 

 

 

Ava, to wrap this up, no, I wasn't expecting any sympathy. At all. There you go again, nitpicking on my every word and placing negative judgment about me...

 

Again, for the fourth time, I DO NOT try pursuing relationships with heterosexual females (or uninterested males). If I already know ahead of time that there's ZERO chances, I keep the relationship strictly platonic. Understand that already.