dealing with ex's "new guy"

[JiN]

my g/f of 3 years has recently broken up with me and i am emotionally devasted. for the past few days i've been a mental wreck finding life hard to cope with. she and i had such big plans: marriage, kids, etc. so it is very difficult for me to understand how she can love me one day, then break my heart the next.

 

i've been in a breakup before, so this is not my problem. my problem is dealing with her new "boyfriend". uggh i guess only a fellow male can understand this, but this bastard is desecrating a part of my life, a part of my soul everytime he sleeps with my ex. for any sense of closure, i'm feeling the need to physically hurt this guy...really badly (i'm a 3rd degree black belt and work out everyday 8) ). i really dont want to do this, but there is a primal urge forcing me to uphold my dignity in a sense.

 

i've discussed it with a few people, but they all say to leave him alone and to not get urself into more trouble by destroying this guy. can anyone else here understand my pain? it hurts so much that she has moved on so quickly and some other guy gets to have intimate moments with her and not me anymore, ya know?

[the_01man]

I can understand what you are going through. In a way you want to get revenge from your ex by indirectly causing her pain ( by physically hurting her new bf). Yes, you will probably get in legal trouble if you do this and you will feel guilty later on too. But, sometimes life isn't rational, so you got to make your own decisions. If you can , channel your anger and frustration into productive not destructive causes.

[-touch-of-heaven-]

JiN,

 

I know what you're feeling. I had a girlfriend I loved very much. We broke up and got back together and she told me that during the break-up she was introduced to some guy who after an evening out asked her if she wanted to fool around, and when she said no he replied saying too bad, and that he would have liked to get between her breasts. I'm sorry for being somewhat graphic here, but I was totally obsessed with the idea of someone else even talking that way to -my- girlfriend. I was upset, and angry, and I wanted to pound him to a pulp. In fact I still do. Badly. This never gets any easier, but JiN, think for a second about this. She would have found someone anyway, it doesn't matter if it's this guy or someone else. Eventually you'll find someone too. Maybe you would even find her again. Who knows? Point is it angers you, but the toughest challenge you have to face is letting it go. Because if you give in to this emotion, then everytime you come accross someone who angers you, you might have to face the illogical and frustratingly forceful thought that "you hurt that guy then, so why not hurt this guy now?"

 

For your own sake I ask of you to hold yourself back. If you need to, pound the hell out of a punch bag, or kick a tire or something until your leg hurts like hell, but resist this urge. Resist it, and I think you'll find you feel like a better man for not giving in to your urges. You'll find you feel like you're better for it.

 

Good luck, friend.

 

^-touch-of-heaven-^

[JiN]

wow touch, i'm so sorry that guy forced himself upon your girl like that. are you still with her? i know this gurl inside and out, everything she is thinking, and she knows everything that i'm thinking. this guy is simply a rebound guy... she has self-asteem issues (what girl doesnt) and craves attention from any guy that will give it to her. this f*ckin prick wuz just in the right place at the right time, and now he has stolen the pleasure i could have had in a sense.

 

she will see he'z not a good guy for her soon enough, and then she'll be interested in me again, but i dont want to set myself up for another heartbreak...also, by that time i may have moved on and already have another g/f. i'm just trying my best to keep this gurl (and especially that guy) out of my mind. itz comforting to know that there are a lot of us in the same boat...you are never the only one going thru your problem. we'll all struggle and triumph together...thanx for the advice touch!

[sean91607306444]

JIN,IM GOING THROUGH THE EXACT SAMR THING AS YOU,EXCEPT IVE TALKED TO THIS FOOL ON THE PHONE AND HE DISRESPECTED ME,AND IS INFLUENCING HER AGAINST ME,HES GOING TO GET A BEATING.

[JiN]

man sean dont say stuff like that cuz u will only encourage me to even further hurt this coward a*s piece of sh*t. i've tried to organize my thoughts lately, and the best i can come up with is that if i go over and destroy that guy (which is looking like wut will happen ) then it will give her even more reason to stay with him, and take even longer to return to me.

 

so for the time being i'm just gonna pretend neither one of those evil people exists and have another good time drinkin n dancin like i did tonight with some friends 8) we are physically stronger, but we gotta show them that we are mentally stronger as well. these b*tches love to play these f*ckin mind games , so we cant let them get to us aiite man? however difficult it is for you to sleep, it is equally or even more difficult for me, so you got a fellow good human being suffering along with you. none of us are alone in our pain, remember that. dont do shit you'll regret unless it is your last and final option. peace to everyone...