samross Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I thought I was doing better but every now and then little reminders keep coming up. I'll turn a page in a book and there's her name. I mentioned this before in an earlier post. My mom told me this morning that my ex's mom told her she had a dream about me last night and I was drunk. I don't know if that means anything but I wonder if I ever come up in my ex's conversations. I am so depressed this morning. Part of it is the acknowledgement that I am now on the Healing After... forum so it's an admission I'm not getting back with her. I just can't seem to understand how I got here. My ex and my best friend are having the time of their lives together and I spend day after day miserable. It's been over 9 months now. I hope someone has something to say to brighten my day. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 The only thing I can say is you're not alone. I'm going through the same thing. It's absolute hell.. the woman I spent every minute of every day for the past 2 years with dumped me new year's eve and went straight out with someone else who she now spends all her time with. I don't have any other friends, she was all I needed and now I have no one. I miss her so much, it makes it more painful knowing that your ex is happy with someone else I know. 9 months is a long time, it hasn't even been a month for me, so knowing that I will have to go through this hell for months to come is awful. I don't know how to make it better.. everyone tells me to do nc and I have for 5 days now, but I feel worse than ever. She hasn't even tried to contact me in that time even though I never told her I was going nc. I hope you feel better soon.. Link to comment
jettison Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 When two people like your ex and your former best friend hook up, they know dern well that they are hurting people and that they are doing the wrong thing. This is one of those fundamental friend/ex thing that's just not done. Very poor taste, low character action. In the end, this is very unlikely to be positive for them. When I first moved to my new city about 14 years ago, I moved up with 3 friends and they were all in a band together. 2 guys, 1 girl (no cup). The bassist and the girl were bf/gf and the guitarist, my closest friend, was dating someone long distance. After about a year, the GF was getting fed up with her loser BF. No job, a little bit mentally abusive, basic total jerk. She wanted out, but she wanted a soft place to land. She wanted my buddy, the guitarist. She is an extremely good looking woman, and she pulled out all the stops with this guy, and eventually, they were together. Once the old BF was gone and out of the picture, it was blissful happiness for our new lovely couple. Right? No, not really. They did alright though. They lasted a year, and then slowly she began to pull away from him until she finally dumped him and broke his heart. He was devastated for years. I'm talking 4 years. Then she went on to the next one, I'm sure. My friend never forgave himself for cheating on his friend, for ditching his GF (her close friend, btw), and shacking up with someone who was so obviously off limits to him. But in the end, he payed the price. And as for your GF, she'll pay the price as well. People don't run around on this planet screwing people over and there's never a consequence to pay. Karma is real and inescapable. Entropy will provider her fate. Link to comment
confused_guy84 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I'm right there with you. It's been 5 months for me and the last 2 days have been miserable. It comes and goes, but it seems like I can never fully get away from the pain. My ex and I have been friends since freshman year in highschool. I had a thing for her for years and finally, FINALLY I got her. It was amazing. And now she's gone, to another state, on the other side of the country, and to add insult to injury, she's now with one of her friends who she's known even longer than me. Ouch. The only thing I know is that I've never heard anyone say "I broke up with my ex several years ago and I never fell in love again and it ruined my entire life". You just don't hear that. Time fixes everything, eventually. You'll find someone better. It will happen. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I'm right there with you. It's been 5 months for me and the last 2 days have been miserable. It comes and goes, but it seems like I can never fully get away from the pain. My ex and I have been friends since freshman year in highschool. I had a thing for her for years and finally, FINALLY I got her. It was amazing. And now she's gone, to another state, on the other side of the country, and to add insult to injury, she's now with one of her friends who she's known even longer than me. Ouch. The only thing I know is that I've never heard anyone say "I broke up with my ex several years ago and I never fell in love again and it ruined my entire life". You just don't hear that. Time fixes everything, eventually. You'll find someone better. It will happen. It's so weird, my ex too ran off to another state and probably to another man. I knew her since high school and wanted to be with her, but we lost contact for 6 years... then reconnected, were together for 8months, then boom... all gone I hope you're last paragraph is true... That's all. Link to comment
Jeffster Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I'm right there with ya Samross, My ex dumped me and I know this time it's over for good. And the part that really kills me is that I'm sure by now she's hooked up with another total loser/bad boy/ drug dealer or whatever, just like she did the last time. I just have such a hard time understanding why some peole are attracted to those kinds of guys when she could have been with a solid, stable guy like me. Plus, I feel like a complete idiot for falling for her in the first place knowing damn well this would probably happen knowing the kind of person she is and the kind of guys she likes. Oh well, life goes on and the bad feelings will fade... I just wish they'd fade a little faster! Link to comment
samross Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Thanks guys. I know it will take time. Link to comment
BrokenTinMan Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 You're not alone, Samross. I'm working on my feelings too and I don't seem to be getting anywhere. 9 months seems like a long time, do you think you may have relapsed? Did you have long periods of feeling OK in those 9 months? I'm curious to know. Hope you feel a little better. Keep posting Link to comment
BrokenTinMan Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Karma is real and inescapable. Entropy will provider her fate. I used to believe this, but more and more I think everything happens randomly. There is no divine justice. My ex broke my heart 7 times in all the 4 years we were together... I never saw Karma bite him in the ass. Not that I want to, I worry about him... That was just to back up my argument. If Karma was real, I can really, really, really use some good one right now. Its been over 2 months and I still feel like crap Add to that, my company closed down and we got laid off... I at least need a job and I've been sending out applications like crazy. UNIVERSE I NEED HELP!!! Sorry for hi-jacking the thread To the OP, carry on. You have my support. Link to comment
samross Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Brokentinman I'd been doing pretty good. My mom is best friends with my ex's mom and my ex spends (not a lot) time with my mom, takes her places. It is a strange situation. My mom and my ex's mom both have said they don't think anything is going on but it feels like if I believe that I'm wearing rose colored glasses and naive as they come. In any case, I've been trying to move on. I guess one thing that brought me down was I went out and played music for the first time in three months and afterwards I got really down. Since I'm by myself, there's no one to share the joy of it anymore and that's what bothers me. I made the mistake of looking at their pictures on their web page and they're all smiles and laughing, having a great time. It feels like I built a house, then got dumped, and now they are enjoying the fruits of my labors. It makes it so hard.. There are a few musicians that used to be in the band (two left because I left) that want to get together but I feel like my spirit has been broken. Link to comment
BrokenTinMan Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I know what you mean about playing music I'm an artist and do a lot of concept art sketches and paintings. Like you, I shared a lot of these with my ex. I think saw him as my muse. With him gone, I lost all passion for art. Just thinking about drawing makes me sick. I tell myself, "Just take your pencil and draw..." Or in your case, "Just pick up the instrument and play." Right. Not as easy as it sounds. We can both do it, but the passion will not be there. The product might come out disappointing and sub par and depress us even more. At least that's how I feel. But this gift is still ours. Our exes never took them away. Its still there, the well of inspiration is just dry. I know for certain, these gifts can very well be our saviors, if we let them. Maybe someday... Link to comment
samross Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 But this gift is still ours. Our exes never took them away. Its still there, the well of inspiration is just dry. I know for certain, these gifts can very well be our saviors, if we let them. You are so right! That is so true. She didn't take away my ability to play or write music. Maybe she's removed the inspiration for now but not the talent and gifts I've been given. Very good point!! That did make me feel better. Thank you! Link to comment
lychee1 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I am feeling the exact same way! I just broke up with my BF AGAIN. I have not contacted him for 3 days. Each and everytime it hurts. Today is especially bad because it's also his birthday. I couldn't stop myself, and text him Happy Birthdya. No matter how much he hurts me and the pain, I still wish him to be happy. I still love him. I really believe that we can't be together anymore, but I'm still waiting for him to call.... or i'm hurt because he didn't call.... i'm just very down too..... Link to comment
jdubs Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Hey samross and brokentinman, I am also a musician and also went through a devastating break up this last summer. Like you guys, I felt like I couldn't create for awhile... I just didn't care about anything. The interesting thing is, when I met my ex on a dating site, I actually had on my headline "Looking for my muse". Well, she turned out to be a muse, but not in the way I expected. You see, I tend to write songs that are somewhat mellow and sad.. think Elliot Smith and Neil Young and Floyd.... I would say that a lot of my, well honestly, almost all of my prior songs have been inspired by broken relationships. In fact, I was working on some songs while I was in the relationship and they just weren't coming out right. Ironically, a couple of months after she left me, I had an amazingly prolific period. I wrote like 20 new songs. So, I am currently in the middle of recording what I believe to be some of the best work I have done so far in my musical life. Looks like she turned out to be my muse after all. Hang in there, it does get better. Link to comment
BrokenTinMan Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Jdubs, that's awesome to hear. Sometimes I feel inspiration creeping back in, only for 3 seconds, then it retreats. Maybe one day, it will be there to stay. Do you have samples of your music online? Myspace perhaps? I would love to sample it. Link to comment
jdubs Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Sure thing... I just sent you a PM with a link to some tunes. Take care, J Link to comment
samross Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 jdubs I've a huge Beatles fan and they have been my major influence. My songs tend to come from the angst and sorrow in my life but I try to use them in a opposite way to be positive, etc. I know John Lennon used this immensely in his work. I think some of the greatest artists work have come out of pain and heartache. Tschaicovsky is a good example. He fell in love with a singer and she ran off with a drummer. When she would come back to his town for performances, he would go see her. A friend of his wrote 'I don't know how he could see her when he raised his binoculars to watch her. There was alwasy so many tears coming down his face he couldn't have been able to see anything.' I think of that when I listen to his music. Such pain and heartbreak but it bore out some of the most beautiful music ever written. Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I know how you feel. As with quite a few people here. My ex broke up with me and then a couple weeks later her ex wanted her back and she agreed. What hurts a lot is that he broke her heart and she hooked back up with him rather easily. Link to comment
jdubs Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Wow, that is a cool story about Tschaicovsky, i've never heard that one. Yes, I agree with you totally. So much great art comes from pain. Maybe it is why there are so many tortured artists out there. I think that to be a musician, painter, writer, or any creative path takes an extra level of sensitivity to one's surroundings. I suppose the price one pays for this is being..well, extra sensitive. This can make emotions more intense for some, I would say. It's ok though, because through the release of these feelings through creating, I think the artist finds relief or at least comfort. Link to comment
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