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Question only for women who don't like to compliment men on a first date

ConfusedDater

By ConfusedDater
in Dating Advice

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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because it can be seen as 'chasing' the guy - and that's not how many women were brought up. depends on what she is complimenting. i see nothing wrong with saying 'nice tie.' but showing too much interest, early on, from the side of the woman can be a bad thing.

 

what kinds of compliments are you looking from from your date?

 

john grey (author of the venus and mars books) recommends that it is best to pay women direct compliments ('i like your hair' or 'you look nice tonight') and men indirect compliments (ie, 'this was a great restaurant you took me to' or 'i really like the movie you picked for us to watch tonight.')

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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because it can be seen as 'chasing' the guy - and that's not how many women were brought up. depends on what she is complimenting. i see nothing wrong with saying 'nice tie.' but showing too much interest, early on, from the side of the woman can be a bad thing.

 

what kinds of compliments are you looking from from your date?

 

john grey (author of the venus and mars books) recommends that it is best to pay women direct compliments ('i like your hair' or 'you look nice tonight') and men indirect compliments (ie, 'this was a great restaurant you took me to' or 'i really like the movie you picked for us to watch tonight.')

 

 

 

The kind I used to get when I was younger,

 

you have nice eyes

you are nice looking

you have nice hair

 

 

Even a compliment on a shirt i'm wearing would ease some of my nervousness. But i like it to be SOMETHING if she is interested

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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do you get these 'indirect' compliments?

 

i don't pay men direct compliments either on the first date - i might tell him he has nice eyes after we have already established mutual interest, but the first date is early on. but i would, however, tell him that i like the restaurant he chose, thus showing that i like his judgement.... even if he isn't the owner of the restaurant.

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MyNinja Proficient

MyNinja

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I think some women don't give compliments on the first date because she may be trying to understand her date's personality and seeing if he has potential with her in the future. this fits me personally.

 

I also think some women will start complimenting when they are taking an interest in her date and/or when she feels secure and comfortable around her date. Sometimes people give compliments right away just to be friendly and it may not mean a thing to them! Everyone's different

 

Think of it this way: if you are nervous then your date will feel it and become uneasy as well and nothing will be said!

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jenny_mcs Collaborator

jenny_mcs

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Just wanted to ask why is it hard to compliment a man on a first date?

 

I mean in the past i had to basically pull it out of a female. why is it so hard?

 

Fishing for compliments is a huge turn-off. Why is it so important to you that you get complimented?

 

I doubt I would ever compliment a man on his appearance on a first date. If I enjoyed myself I would tell him I had a great time and hoped we could do it again soon, and if he paid I would thank him.

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AngelEyez Collaborator

AngelEyez

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I don't give compliments on a first date. The most I would say is "It was nice of you to meet up with me". I wouldn't be giving compliments until many dates later...and I'd say something like "You're so cute". I agree with Jenny...it's a turn-off to fish for compliments. If I noticed that, it would get extremely awkward...and I'd think he was full of himself, in that HE thinks he should be "praised"...

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Brightest Dark Explorer

Brightest Dark

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The kind I used to get when I was younger,

 

you have nice eyes

you are nice looking

you have nice hair

 

 

Even a compliment on a shirt i'm wearing would ease some of my nervousness. But i like it to be SOMETHING if she is interested

 

Those compliments sound cheesy if you don't know the date very well. I would only say something like that if I had gotten close to the date prior to that date.

 

A lot of females may be just relaxed in the date and might just not think about having to compliment. If I was on date I'd just be getting to know the guy and seeing if we had a good time. I would not even think of compliments. Not because I don't want to but because it doesn't come into the equation. Also those compliments you gave are all aesthetic which may make it look like the person was only interested in the 'outside'. I would rather get to know the inside of someone and them as a person. Even if I thought 'wow' when I met him, I would just think it was not the suitable time to say 'you look good'. It may make the other person think you are only interested in their looks.

 

Sure it's nice to get compliments and to know that the other person likes you - but the important thing is to just gel as people.

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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Fishing for compliments is a huge turn-off. Why is it so important to you that you get complimented?

 

I doubt I would ever compliment a man on his appearance on a first date. If I enjoyed myself I would tell him I had a great time and hoped we could do it again soon, and if he paid I would thank him.

 

 

because in the last 7 years my ego has become swollen and bruised

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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most women just want to get to know you on a first date. complimenting on looks comes on later dates when you pick them up. things like 'you look nice' 'i like your hair'.

 

I guess it was just so much easier years ago, i didn't have to guess whether she was attracted to me or not, it was obvious and I didn't go home GUESSING like i have done in the past 6-7 years.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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i have no problems complimenting a guy on a first date such as "i like that shirt you are wearing" but i would likely avoid compliments like "you sure are handsome" or "your eyes are very nice" only because it is pretty early on to get so personal. A simple "you look nice this evening" to me is harmless and I'd have no problems saying it on a first date.

 

now that said, switch back to jadedstar 15 years ago when i was much younger and i would not have said anything at all as a compliment because i was shy. My shyness would cause me to wait for him to make all the compliments.

 

I know that i would feel odd if i went out with a guy without one compliment at all so that is why i don't feel odd complimenting him in some small fashion.

 

It suggests that your self esteem is pretty low, however, if not getting a compliment can wreak your nerves and make a date that would otherwise be good seem bad.

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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If it takes something external from another person to make you "feel the way you used to" then it does sound like your esteem is low.

 

 

 

well i guess i don't feel as attractive as i used to do, blame that on the rejections from 2002-2007. It's hard to walk with your chest sticking out and there is nothing POSITIVE going on in your dating life.

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NewPhillyGuy Proficient

NewPhillyGuy

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Funny that you mention...I've had very few girls compliment me on the first date. Interestingly enough, now that I think about it, it's the ones who were more open like so that I lasted longer with. Too often, I think people try too hard to appear uninterested and they wind up scaring off the other person. Nothing wrong with a tame compliment to let the person know you are actually into them. Some people are just too inhibited.

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ConfusedDater Proficient

ConfusedDater

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Funny that you mention...I've had very few girls compliment me on the first date. Interestingly enough, now that I think about it, it's the ones who were more open like so that I lasted longer with. Too often, I think people try too hard to appear uninterested and they wind up scaring off the other person. Nothing wrong with a tame compliment to let the person know you are actually into them. Some people are just too inhibited.

 

 

The girl I just went on a date with made me Shake like hell because she was looking at me smiling and not saying anything and i hate when women do that, it's so uncomfortable.

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jenny_mcs Collaborator

jenny_mcs

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Funny that you mention...I've had very few girls compliment me on the first date. Interestingly enough, now that I think about it, it's the ones who were more open like so that I lasted longer with. Too often, I think people try too hard to appear uninterested and they wind up scaring off the other person. Nothing wrong with a tame compliment to let the person know you are actually into them. Some people are just too inhibited.

 

For me, it has nothing to do with being inhibited. Complimenting someone on their looks on a first date seems cheesy to me. I would rather focus on saying something nice about the time I had spent with him- like "I had a great time" or "This was really fun, let's do it again."

 

I am not trying to appear uninterested at all.

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