I need help getting over the past. . .

[xoxoxo21]

Hey everyone! I need some advice and some point of view badly! Please keep it polite??

 

ME and my fianc'e have been together for about a year and a half. We started dating in april 2002 to now. 4 days into our dating he kissed another girl. He said that he was with the wrong crowd and that it was "peer pressure."

 

Well besides that it has been almost 2 years. And I have yet to trust him again and get over it. I want to so bad because I hate feeling this way. Time after time he tells me that he will never do anything to me again like that. He is so sincere in those words to. But when I hear that he was talking to another girl I freak and think that it is more then just talking. My theory is that if he talks to another female that he will begin liking her. Become attracted to her. I know that all I am doing is punishing myself. I hate putting our relationship through this.

 

We have talked about it numerous times, to this day. Im scared that If I dont start trusting him soon that he will break up with me! I need to forgive, forget and trust. I dont want to be that crazy control freak girlfriend.

 

How can I move on? Please help.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello XOXOXO

 

I remember you , been a while since you have been on, welcome back.

 

Ok, you have to stop blaming yourself for the doubts he planted in you.

 

Ill prove to you that your not a "control freak girlfriend" by nature with a simple question.

 

Where you like this before he kissed this girl?

 

Of course not.

 

Now lets get to the issue itself, this happened only 4 days into the relationship, Id say, that, at that point he wasnt that serious about the relationship, and when he saw how much it bothered you, he then noticed that you were serious about him. men have doubts too, sometimes we are with someone, but think this is too good to be true. and dont delve in 100% so soon, they want to see where its heading.

 

He was wrong to do what he did, but being only 4 days into the relationship, and being only a kiss. Its something that can be forgiven.

 

But I understand your mistrust in him, if you want this to go on, you have to trust him plain and simple. you gotta have the attitude that if he does cheat, well bad for him cause he is gonna lose a wonderful woman, its his loss.

 

If that your picture, I dont think youll have a hard time finding someone else, heck your BF is probably very insecure also, and thats probably why he didnt commit so much to you at first, he may have been thinking, Oh this isnt going to last, I cant take it serious. thats what sometimes happens to guys that date really good looking babes. "shes not gonna stay with me".

 

anyway, learn to trust him, have confidence in yourself, jealousy makes no sense, it wont prevent him from cheating on you if he wants to, and it only has the potential of pushing him away and into cheating! it serves no purpose at all.

[xoxoxo21]

Hey,

 

Thank you so much for your advice. It was very encouraging and insightful. Any advice on my sorrows can always help.

 

I'm really trying to get over this and move forward in our reltionship. I hate being this way and believe me I am trying!!!

 

Thanks again

[caliboy]

4 days into dating is nothing, cause it's not serious at that point. not only that, but he told you about it (right?) so he was honest with you. If after 2 years you're still bothered by this, then you need to either talk to him about it or gain some self-confidence. When you're secure with yourself, it makes having a trusting and secure relationship easy. But if there are other things that're putting doubts in your mind, then that's another story.

[MissJBug]

hey, i was in a similar situation and he says "it was a mistake and i will never do it again" but it was wiht my best friend... it was 2 years ago and im still with him... its been 2 years but... im kind of still hurt about it, i get in these "where are u and who are u with" moods and its so hard to get over... i need help to... i dont want to ruin this relationship.

 

i honestly believe he loves me even more than i love him, but... its just like... why cant i just BE HAPPY!

[Cid]

It is all about trust I would not marry him until I trusted him. But that is my opinon.