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first kiss...mixed signals........player...i need some advice!!


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ok im going to say the FULL story here about what has happened:


I am CRAZY about this guy. im a bit unsure and i need some advice please!!


im 17 and i hadnt ever kissed someone before a few weeks before christmas with this guy called Luke who i kinda had a crush on when i met him at a party earlier on. Then at one of our friends party's in august we got really close, we were standing in a corner outside just talking and hugging, we were at the point where our noses were about half a centimeter away from each other. I was really nervous and i had this butterfly feeling in my stomach it was soo nice! anyway, he was staring into my eyes and i swear his eyes were smiling at me, but i had trouble looking straight back at him seeing as we were soo close. Well yes, that night we did not kiss, i kissed him on the cheek aand that was it. we hardly talked, i didnt get his number or anything, and i thought about him so much. we myspace commented twice lol, and then in early december i got to this party and he wasnt there i was a little disappointed but i found out he was coming later. AND he did lol. He walked in and OMG he was just GORGEOUS i have never been so attracted to someone before!! i felt so awkward though lol, he came over to the table and i felt i maybe ignored him. I also felt maybe he didnt like me, because he didnt even try to speak to me since august. Im really shy so i wasnt sure what to do. Anyway he came over and yelled my name and i was soo glad to hear it. and he said how its been so long and i gave him a hug, and before i knew it we were standing on the deck by ourselves hugging but not as close as before. Then i didnt really talk to him that much because some guy asked him to come upstairs with him so they could check their hair, and Luke turned to me and asked if i wanted to come so i said yes, then i got interrupted by some other guy wanting my alcohol so i had to leave and i felt bad. thats when we stopped talking. Im soo sorry this is soo long guys lol. a few times i felt soo useless, i really wanted to kiss him and we were going home soon and i had done nothing, i kept catching him inside looking at me because i was kinda standing by myself thinking. He did some techno dancing and it was soo attractive, later he came outside and sat next to me and we were talking. then he got up and left. I didnt know what to think. i tried to talk to him a few times and i kinda got a feeling he wasnt interested, but maybe i was thinking too much about it. Then i was looking for my friend, and someone told me she was in the toilet so i stood outside the toilet and waited for her. Then Luke was walking by and he stopped and said he needed to use the toilet. My friend came out and she knew i liked him so she walked straight off to leave us alone and he said 'no im only joking i came to check my hair, you can check yours too(hes kinda metro lol) it felt like he was trying to close the bathroom door(the bathroom was MASSIVE lol) and we started hugging and we got soooo close our noses were touching and he was lookign at me in the eyes again and i couldnt look back. Then we both decided we were tired and we rested our heads on each others shoulders and he told me i smell really nice lol...........then we sat down and talked, then he left to go somewhere and i went to the toilet and my brother rang me to tell me he was there to pick me up. So i walked out of the toilet and found my friend and Luke talking, she quickly left and i said 'awww i gotta go' and i went for a big hug and i kissed him on the cheek but it was very close to his lips, and the kiss moved over to our lips(i think hes pretty experienced with kissing so i was really nervous) it felt soo good, his lips were soo soft and he kinda used his tongue and i was thinking..'geez this feels weird' haha. Im not sure if i was biting him or not. it felt like our teeth were in the way and i thought i may have lightly bit hid tongue and his bottom lip. I liked this first kiss but i felt like i was all over the place and that he thinks im a really bad kisser and he doesnt want to kiss me again.........maybe im just paranoid i dont know.



In the end he followed me out the door and i went up to him and kissed him nicely just on the lips(has to be my favourite kinda kiss) and i left and got into the car.....

later on my bestie told me that right before me and luke kissed she was telling him to kiss me and apparently he got all shy and said he wanted too but hes not sure if i would kiss him back and he was a bit scared!!


after that night we didnt talk at all, he never text, or called or myspaced me so i just left it because....well he kinda had a girlfriend who treated him like absolute trash he broke up with her a few days before i kissed him. but according to his best friend(who i am also really good friends with) there was nothing int here relationship and they were soo close to becoming friends with benefits.


New years Eve!!!!


Ever since we kissed i could not stop thinking about him, and he is the first guy i have really actully had a thing with that was mutual...at the time lol.


New Years was not the greatest! i got the most mixed signals ever!!!

weird thing is i actually thought he liked me LOLLLLLLL!! for starters his best friend was having a new years eve party which he was going to, then he found out my friend(who he is friends with but not THAT good of friends) was having a new years and he would have known i would be there. ANYWAY.......turns out he wanted to come to mine rather than his best friends so i was really excited because i really like him, hes SINGLE afterall lol.

Also my friend who was holding the party's sister was also inviting all her friends and apparently one of them was quite sleazy and always makes her move and she thoguht luke was cute and she wanted him. I didnt think too much of it. im not that type to get hyped over something like that.

He finally got there and came out to me and gave me a massive hug. Oh geee i shopped for days to find what i was gunna wear because i wanted to make an impression as you do when you know that someone you have a thing for may be going! lol Then after that hug, he just didnt seem interested. then he did, then he didnt, then he wanted my drink and asked if i could show him where it was blah blah blha we spent some time alone, but it felt like he wanted to get away. And we didnt get anywhere near as close as we used to! In the end i drank a little too much champagne and i was havign the time of my LIFE lol. I got up and started dancing....by myself, then Luke came over and started dancing with me, it got pretty crazy and i was in heaven lol. Then i went up to the toilets with my friend Rob and while i was waiting for him Luke followed us up and he ran into the bathroom looked in the mirror and smiled, barely looked at me and walked straight back out again..............i didnt know what was going on, he gave me these signals that made me think he was interested and then he gave me signals that he wanted to get away from me. So in the end i was too scared to go talk to him so i just left it, and then of course at about 11:30 i walked into the drinks room and there he was flirting with some other girl.(the picture is still soo clear in my mind it just freaked me out and that champagne made me all emotional. A bit later everyone was outside and there he was fully making out with this girl (WHO i had told before i liked him). ARRGG it was right infront of me, i dont know what he thought, or am i over-reacting, and because i had alcohol in my system i got pretty upset, i ended up crying on his best friends shoulder and he was asking me who i was crying over. I ended up telling him. i really thought that something was going to happen with Luke, it was sooo hard watchign the guy i really liked makign out with another girl........ and he knew i could see him. I dont know why he went off me...........he was soo into me last time and i had my first kiss with hima nd then...............BLEH!!! DAMN CHAMPAGNE, ruined my midnight LOL In the end Lukes best friend went over to Luke and was talkign to him, i dont know what about then about 5 minutes later Luke was sitting at the end of a bench all by himself looking down, he looked sad, so i went over and asked him if he was ok and he smiled at me and told me he was, then my damn phone rang so i had to walk off. I went to go back but that damn girl was with him again, so i just gave up. At about 2am in the morning he had to leave and he came up to me and he gave me the biggest hug and it was really long, and he left. BUT about 5 minutes later he came back and said bye again, he bent over and gave another massive hug and he hugged really hard lol and he said "i dont think i will see you soon at another party" i have no idea what that was supposed to mean, i mean party's just pop up. Then he really left........................................it was soo random that he came back and out of the whole group he only hugged me! i dunt understand!



WHAT ON EARTH??????????????????????


i was sooo bummed, i didnt know what to think, i mean we were soo close the other times, and then this time it seemed he wasnt interested, as if NOW that he had kissed me already he could move on.....................i don't know, but i still really like him =(, hes like the first guy i've had a thing with that has actually happened you know. I mean he saw me and he saw i was like bawling my eyes out(alcohol i swear lol) i just dont understand him!


am i doing anything wrong????? i have a feeling maybe i was playing too hard to get, because well....i wasnt exactly flaunting myself too him because i was too scared he wasnt even interested in me anymore! like we were avoiding each other for a bit then hed randomly follow me in the bathroom smile in the mirror and walk out..........?????


i know he is a player.............but i dunno in the end i went off the queensland for two weeks a few days after new years and it got my mind off him and in the end i didnt care too much about him. i went a few days without thinking about him.

on the day i got back from queensland i went to my friends party.............................It was a fun night AND Luke turned up......which i wasnt expecting because they are not friends but he came with one of my friends because he was stayign with him for the weekend!.......i was terrified lol i started shaking and everything. they came over, he looked soo gorgeous. I think by this stage he knew i liked hima nd i think her knew that i drank too much new years and i was crying over him.............so embarrassed!! anyway he said hi but there wasnt much enthusiasm like there usually is. i kinda avoided him for a bit but i didnt care too much coz i was kinda over him(a tinsy bit lol) THENNNNNNNNN i saw this blonde girl who was gorgeous turns out she went to my p.s lol and i immediately thought...yeah i bet luke will hit on her and me and friends laughed about it. funny enough i saw them talking and i knew what he was doing. they were standing right on the doorstep to the backyard so i had to pass them a few times to go to the toilet. i dont think she was interested in him at all because they didnt talk much after that. me and my friend went inside to the lounge where there was no1 to grab a drink out of out bag anyway...luke followed us in there and we were all pretty tipsy lol and i yelled out his name and we gave each other a big hug.He is such a nice guy.......but hes also such a player. like he likes me but he wants me to run after him...i dunno. But anyway we talked a little bit and he was sitting on the couch and i was on the floor like leaning on his knee. then he said maan i need to give you a hug and he pulled me up and gave me a really long hug and we kissed on the cheek and my hair got caught in his stubble LOL it was pretty funny, bit awkward though lol i told him he needs to shave haha. He told me he got fired that day because he missed on of his shifts, then he said it was coz he flirted with the boss(which prob wouldnt surprise me lol) and i told him he was silly for flirting with the boss and apparently that was a joke, i dunno. Its really funny because every time i see him we dress kinda similar, this time he wore long white pants with a yellow and blue top and i wore white short shorts with a yellow top. Everyone pointed it out when they saw us together anyway. Luke got up off the couch and said "ok i gotta go and kiss a 40 year old" and walked away..........lol * * * ??? then we met again int he toilet lol, me and my friend were absolutely busting and he was checking his hair and going on about how hes havign an ugly day...i swear he can be a real girl sometimes i dunno... i walked in with him and to my shock horror my had been drinking blue cruisers and my mouth was BLUE my teeth were blue and i had a blue ring/circle on my upper lip lol, we both laughed, he asked me what time i was leavign and i said midnight and he goes 'awwwwwwwwwww you always leave early lol" which was odd i didnt hink he would have cared lol then my friend was telling him to get out she was busting lol so we waited outside and talked about stuff. Bit later everyone was dancing and they had those really cool lights that flash and it looked like everyone is moving in slow motion haha and Luke was dancing with some girl they didnt get that close though and i ended up dancing with a gay guy who was a bit too strong for my liking. we were dancing back to back but i coudlnt do it right coz he was basically pushing me over. I caught Luke looking at me a few times i really wanted him to come over, and i really wanted to go over to him when he stopped dancing with the girl, but i was too scared!!

about 10 minutes later it was time for me to go i walked up inside to say goodbye the everyone and on the steps i walked past Luke and i said aww bye Luke and he was like damn your going now and he gave me a massive hug and kiss on the cheek and for the first time in AGES we got really close again and we were justing holding each other and then he brough u[p the two parties coming up this weekend and asked if i was coming, i said yes and he got all excited lol and we were soo close to kissing, some guy walked past and said 'now this is the time to hook up again' thats when i though oh gee this is gunna be awkward and i kissed him on the cheek again and it was the same sorta one like last time where we both werent sure if it was gunna end up as a real kiss but yeah i walked away and he told me he would say goodbye to me again when i come back out. when i came back out after saying goodbye to everyone he came and hugged me again and we swayed haha .................so yeah WHAT THE HELL??? what is he doing does he like me i mean gaaah...i am once again head over heals for him!! and i cant wqait for this friday coz i will see him again, and its a small party with mainly guys so i will have a chance to talk to him more lol...........


am i doing something wrong..............coz i really dont get him, i feel like i'll never be able to have him!!

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