Jump to content

Mailed his stuff, 2nd time, no response from him. ouch.


Recommended Posts

BF broke up with me middle of Dec. We haven't really talked except New Years day we chatted and he mentioned we need some time apart before we can rebuild. Since then I haven't had hardly any contact with him except to mail a box of all of the stuff he had left at my place. I had posted before because the box was mailed back. And I REALLY wanted his stuff gone so that I could move on.


After sending the package a 2nd time (first time sent to actual house when in fact it should have gone to his po box), he received it Friday and picked it up. (i did tracking on it). He has not said one word to me about it. No thank you... nothing. I actually even sent some of the xmas gifts I had gotton him and his family.. stuff I could not return. Surely I deserved an acknowledgement, especially since HE was the one requesting his stuff. and I made the effort TWICE to get it to him!!


How can I not get upset over this? How can I not feel hurt inside by the fact that he is treating me as if I don't exist? How can he act as though we were not together for almost a year, living together for 3 months of it..etc?? I'm so upset by the fact that he has ignored my messages etc.

I left a self addressed postage paid envelope so he could mail back all of my cds I left in his car. I sent him a message asking if he could let me know when he mails so it that I have an idea when it might arrive. Why is it he feels he is better than me to not even reply to ANY of my messages??

advice needed. thanks.

Link to comment

ouch, that sucks. well, as the saying goes, 'no answer is your answer.' blah. i'd forget him as soon as possible. and since he doesn't seem to be giving back the cds, i'd just forget it. how many were there? a few or a few hundred? if it would be very costly to redo your collection, i might call him again. if it's just a few cds, then i'd just buy them again, or ask for them for your birthday.


sorry about the breakup.

Link to comment



As hard as it may seem, try and see this as a blessing. The more of a jerk my ex was, the more grateful I was that I was rid of him. I know it hurts to be ignored, and it seems like they have just wiped you from their memory, but in reality it's not the case - he just doesn't seem to know how to treat you properly at the moment.


Take comfort in the fact that you have done everything right - returned his stuff, given him every help (with the reply-paid envelope) to get yours back, given him space etc.


My ex did the same thing. I returned his stuff as soon as I could and have spent 10 months (so far) trying to get mine back. Is it worth getting upset about someone who treats you like that? Not really. I'm disappointed not to have the stuff back (copies of our holiday videos), but at the end of the day I've walked away after being dumped, regaining my dignity whereas he has acted like a jerk. I wanted that closure (as well as the stuff) but it's not going to happen so I just have to deal with it myself.


It sounds like you are more upset at the way he is treating you rather than the actual stuff he has of yours (with good reason I might add). Use that anger to help you move forward and get on with your life. Eventually you will realise that you can do better and you will meet a guy who wouldn't dream of ignoring you or hurting you (I have, and believe me the difference is amazing).


Keep us up to date with how you are going - a lot of us know exactly how you are feeling at the moment.

Link to comment

How can I not get upset over this? How can I not feel hurt inside by the fact that he is treating me as if I don't exist?


Impossible. You ARE upset and there's no reason NOT to be. ANYone would be.


How can he act as though we were not together for almost a year, living together for 3 months of it..etc??


Why is it he feels he is better than me to not even reply to ANY of my messages??

advice needed. thanks.


I don't think its an ACT necessarily and I don't think its that he feels he is "better" than anyone. More like he has moved on. I'm sure it wasn't as easy as all that, but he's made up his mind and maybe he just has a stronger will.....


I think, like someone already said, you should try your best to move on as well. Its not going to happen over night, but it can be done!



Link to comment

It is perfectly understandable that you are upset. You still care for him deeply. Otherwise you would be focusing on him having your stuff instead of him not responding to you.


I'm still not over my ex and get all messed up when I don't hear from her. I know. Not healthy.

Link to comment
I don't think its an ACT necessarily and I don't think its that he feels he is "better" than anyone. More like he has moved on. I'm sure it wasn't as easy as all that, but he's made up his mind and maybe he just has a stronger will.....


I disagree. Someone who has moved on and has stronger will would have replied with a polite thank you and would have sent her stuff back. The fact that he didn't have the decency to extend any kind of courtesy suggests to me that he can't face her because he doesn't feel good about what he has done. He is ashamed of himself and is NOT dealing very well with things. OP, you can hold your head up high because you did the right thing...despite your pain, you took the high road and did what was good and decent. He can't face you because he knows he behaved like as ass...and is continuing to do so. The more he realizes he behaved badly, the less able he is to face you. You are actually dealing with this breakup much better than he is, because you showed grace under pressure and behaved in a classy way. He is dealing so badly with this breakup that he can't even behave with dignity and class. Don't feel upset that he ignored you...instead think of him as the pathetic loser he is...the man who is so weak and cowardly that he can't behave in a classy, dignified manner and do something as simple as saying thank you and returning items that don't belong to him.

Link to comment

I have NO interest in getting back together with him. Nor do I even care to ever see him again. What I care about is how I am being treated by this guy. I do not deserve to be disrespected and mistreated. And by him completey ignoring me is exactly what he is doing. Maybe if I continued to bombard him with questions about "us" or continued to keep trying to see him etc. Sure. But my questions I have proposed to him is directly in relation to MY stuff and the returning of my belongings, just like I returned his stuff promptly as well.


I did NOTHING to deserve being ignored. I did nothing to deserve being treated as if I do not exist. How do I stop being pissed off? How do I stop caring about how he is treating me? I want nothing to do with him but I DO WANT him to respect me and who I am and respect the fact that we were in a relationship. simple as that.

Link to comment
I want nothing to do with him but I DO WANT him to respect me and who I am and respect the fact that we were in a relationship. simple as that.


yeah, the faster you move past this, the better it will be. if he wants to act like a little baby, let him. but you're just going to get frustrated trying to get him to treat you a certain way. i agree with the poster who said to use his behavior now as a way to get over him. clearly, not a good guy for you!

Link to comment



How you are feeling now is exactly how I felt a few months ago - angry, upset, annoyed, frustrated. How dare my ex treat me as if I'm nothing? How can he just forget/turn into a total twit/ignore me and so on...I did everything he asked - left when he asked me to, didn't beg for him back etc.


There are no answers to these questions, and you won't get them if you ask him to provide them. Crazyaboutdogs is exactly right - he's digging himself a hole, acting like a jerk and making things worse.


There are no easy answers but just bear in mind that you can't control his actions so why try and understand them? You can only control yourself and at this point you need to be tough with yourself and say 'right this guy is treating me like dirt and I AM NOT GOING TO LET HIM'. Ignore him, don't ask for your stuff back again (do it through a friend if you can), move onwards and upwards.


By the end of it all a lot of my anger was at MYSELF for letting him get to me for so long. Yes he is treating you badly but you can choose how you react to it - don't let him make you angry - you are far too busy getting on with your life for that.


Just keep taking that high road and working on yourself. It's good that you don't want him back (again, I was the same with my ex - didn't want him, wanted my stuff), but it doesn't make it any easier when they don't treat you with the respect you deserve. You just want to drum it into them time and time again that you are a human being who deserves to be treated with upmost respect. IT WILL MAKE NO DIFFERENCE - I can tell you this from experience.


Trust me, it is his loss and when you have moved on with your fabulous life he will realise he acted badly and he will have to deal with that while you are off having fun. By that stage you really won't care what he thinks.

Link to comment

So he called me just now. I didn't answer. He left a message saying "he got my messages and he's been out of town, had his phone, but didn't really check it. said he's leaving tomorrow to go out of town again and doesn't come back till thursday. said to be honest, with as much stuff as he has going on, he hasn't even opened the box. Said he was not ignoring me, just wasnt available. Said he would "try" to look into it or if he's not able to he'll get to it Thursday when he gets back."


Give me a break dude! One, there is service where he was. Two this guy checks his phone every 30 seconds and did everyday of my life that I knew him. So for him to say he didn't get my messages, BULL.


So now what? I have no desire to talk to him. there is nothing to say. He should just mail my cd's like I requested. Do I answer his calls if he calls YET again Thursday when he returns and FINALLY can find time in his CRAZY schedule to open the box????

Link to comment

Maybe there is a book somewhere that guys (and probably girls) read called 'how to be a total ar*e when breaking up with someone' as your ex's actions are exactly the same as my ex's were.


The excuses he has given are pathetic. I would answer his call on Thursday (if he even does call), if only to not drag this out any further. Be firm, give him a deadline and even though you can't really enforce it (in reality if he doesn't want to give your stuff back you can't make him) it might spur him into action.


Seriously, the more his pathetic actions/excuses become the more you will realise how much better off you are. My ex made me laugh once - one round of excuses went something like:


Him: 'I tried to ring you but my phone didn't work'

Me: 'So your WORK mobile phone that you rely on for your job has been out of action for 2 weeks now? Must be hard to do your job...'

Him: 'Oh no, it works when some people call me and when I call some people, just not everyone...including you...'

Me: 'What about the phone on your desk? Is that broken too?'

Him: 'No'

Me: 'The phone in your house?'

Him: 'No that works'

Me: 'Email?' (He works in IT - always in front of a computer)

Him: 'No that works too' (sounding more dispondent, sensing how deep the hole he has dug really is)

Me: 'What about your car? Has that broken down too? If all communications are down you could have just knocked on the door instead' (His office is approximately 2 minutes drive from my house)

Him: 'No the car is fine'

...and so on...


Did he seriously think that such a pathetic excuse would work? And that we ex's are stupid enough to believe it?


Excuses are just that - in reality there is no excuse for treating someone the way he has done. He is just making himself look like a loser.


Hopefully you are starting to see him for what he really is.


Grrr...now I'm annoyed for you as well...

Link to comment

Does he honestly believe that I'm going to buy into it or that just cause he called with about 30 lame excuses that I'm going to forgive him? I'm willing to bet he thinks that I'll come running back to him with open arms if he decides he wants to get back together. I'm sure he thinks he has me all wrapped up. That he can treat me any way he wants, hot one day, cold the next, and I will STILL be there. No way. He always has an excuse, his entire life is an excuse!


I'm not sure if I will answer his call... if... he calls. I'm not willing to give him the satisfaction of talking to me. He knows exactly what I want. I even put a cute little sticky not on the postage paid envelope saying "drop this in the mailbox with the cds please." seriously... a no brainer. and quite effortless if you ask me. I feel as though I really have nothing to say to him. I'm sure he will call again. He needs to be in control and when I don't answer his calls, he continues until he reaches me. (he was always like that). It'll kill him if I don't respond. Plus he's going to feel about 1 cm tall when he sees all the great stuff in the box, not just a bag of dog poo which is probably should have been.

Link to comment

no... he won't think i'm trying to buy their affections. He knew I made the gifts... he was here when I did it. It was just something I did to make myself feel better. They were still wrapped and I couldn't bring myself to donate them or give them away. When you make a gift, especially with a particular person in mind, it's kinda hard to just give that gift away. (and I made the gifts, nothing returnable.).


Whatever the case. he has the stuff now, whether it makes him sad, bad, happy, angry, whatever. I did what I felt was right. I didn't want to punish the kids, when they had nothing to do with the breakup. Giving them the gifts that were unreturnable, made me feel good inside. made me feel like the bigger person. He knows I'm not tryin to win them over... cause seriously, I never plan on seeing them again, which he knows.

Link to comment

Well he's obviously treating you poorly and intentionally avoiding/ignoring you, and I can relate (my ex gf did the same).


I know you don't deserve to be treated in this manner but just take this as more reason for why you shouldn't be with this guy. He knows what he's doing, he's trying to get you upset. Don't let him or at least don't let him know he's gettin you upset.


The relationship is over, you don't want to get back together with him. Honestly but sadly I don't think you should expect much...be it respect, or whatever.


You've sent his stuff to him, you've done your part and have done the right thing. You've gone out with your dignity intact. I'd consider the cd's a writeoff, don't press anymore, if he sends them, then that's good, but don't acknowledge it.


My ex still owes me hundreds of dollars but I've just accepted that I'll never see the money.


I'd recommend strict NC, it's the only thing that'll really help you move on.

Link to comment

Hi Roxy,

Regarding the gifts, don't worry about them. You don't have a need for gifts you made for someone else, so why shouldn't you send them along with the rest of his stuff? I think that is OK, and if he saw you making them, he will understand why you still sent them.


My opinion? He is lagging on returning the CDs because it is one last tie to you. As long as he has your CDs, he knows that you will continue to ask for them back and that he will always have an "in" to walk back in your life ("Hey, I found those CD's that you left with me.") Just my opinion. Returning stuff feels pretty final and he may not be ready for it (regardless of whether or not he initiated the breakup). He definitely SHOULD return them (don't get me wrong), but I think he may be holding on to that connection between you guys for a bit longer.


Why do I say this? Well, I have a box of stuff I am mailing to my ex today, and I have debated about it all weekend. It is silly stuff, but stuff he may want. He broke up with me though, and returning this stuff to him will sever all connections. It makes me a little sad, but I have to do it. I'm sure you felt the same when you packed up your ex's stuff.


I think that you are just much more mature than he is, and you are dealing with all of this incredibly well. If you can go NC, that would be good.


It hurts to not have your relationship respected and to be treated poorly when you did nothing wrong. Do not take this personally. These are his issues, his problems, his lame way of dealing with things.


Hang in there, and I hope that you get your stuff back. If not, think of it as a small price to pay to avoid lots and LOTS of future unhappiness with this fool.

Link to comment

Thank you Helluvagirl--

I never thought to look at in that sense. I just figured he was being a turd as usual. I mailed off his stuff as quickly as possible so that I could begin the healing process. Seeing in lay around here or even knowing that the stuff was in my closet, depressed me. So mailing it off was my solution to start feeling better. And yes, I was hoping that would be closure, but then deerrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I forgot I still needed to wait for MY cds.


I never thought I'd basically have to beg for my stuff. He still has other things of mine but I just figured getting those cds would be simple, especially if I provided him with alll the materials and postage!!

But I do agree with you. Maybe he is coming up with excuses as to why he hasn't had the chance to mail them because he knows this way, he still has to contact me. and he knows I will continue to contact him for them. thereforeee, we are never really leaving each others lives until those DANG cds arrive at my door.


After that, there is NO need for us to ever speak again. So maybe he "knows" what he is doing when he's avoiding the mailing. Either that, or maybe he just really doesn't care and returning those cds are the last thing on his mind.

Link to comment
After that, there is NO need for us to ever speak again. So maybe he "knows" what he is doing when he's avoiding the mailing. Either that, or maybe he just really doesn't care and returning those cds are the last thing on his mind.


Yes, it is really hard to tell. Like you said, he could either be just flaking out big time because he doesn't care about returning your stuff, or he could be dragging along the process for whatever reason.


Wouldn't it be nice to get inside the heads of these men and KNOW what they think? Haha. Oh well, I guess we can dream!

Link to comment


Read your post. First of all you did well in returning the things. However most of the posters are right, it is a connection to you and eventually he probably will return them and a connection to you or when you bump into each other he will state I forget to send them back. YEah right. It gives us male a bad name but don;t worry you can hold your head high up and you did the right thing. IF you can live without the CD's do it. Don;t answer his email, phone call etc.

Trust me excuses are lame. Of course my ex used excuses also they were all lame and she has issues with parents etc after a year came and found me at my job, but again now back in NC.


Your a smart lady and now you see what kind of person he is. The next relationship and the next excuse you have experince in it and youj can decide it is an excuse that is valid or lame.

I just don;t get it why excuses and excuses. Just be honest but it seems too hard to be honest these days.

Link to comment

Roxy..why r u the one making all the effort in returning things?? I mean..you paid for the package to be sent to him TWICE...you paid to even have ur cds to be sent back..why go through all that effort?? Is it REALLY that important to get ur cds back? I would have just thrown his things out or sold it on ebay and used to the money to buy new cds That is...if my ex was behaving like a jerk. I think you should just stop contacting him or bothering with him. He know syou want ur cds back and he knows how to send them to you. AND u made it so easy for him. If he is going to be a jerk..then there is nothing you can do about it. Sorry for sounding harsh...im just trying to knock some sense in to you.

Link to comment

I felt if I was to be the "jerk" about all it, by throwing away his stuff (which is what I wanted to do), then I would look like the bad guy. I was also afraid that if I didn't not return his stuff (promptly), that I would have to continue to be in contact with him. I wanted to severe all ties. I wanted to be DONE with him. So i pictured him calling, emailing, sending me bills, etc, if I had not returned his junk (for lack of a better word).


And you are right, the CD's aren't that important, but since I did give him his stuff back, for cryin' out loud, I better get mine back. If he is going to act like a child about this, by holding my CD's ransom, then he can do that. He's 33 and still does not know how to be an adult. The mature thing to do would have been to let me know he received the package, and to inform when he planned on mailing all the cd's back. simple. Instead I have to deal with a 6yr old numbskull.

Link to comment

I have to agree with the other posters as well. He's using your CD's as his way in. No matter how pointless it seems I think he's just stalling at the moment. He knows you will keep contacting him to get your things back so him ignoring you just buys him more time.


My ex left TONS of things at my house, some things were of sentimental value, and because I care about him (even though he's a jerk!) I did not throw them out. It would cost me a lot of money to send all his stuff back (I'm in college) so I asked if he would send me some money to help cover the costs of mailing. He said he would but I still haven't received a penny, and I KNOW some of the things I have mean a lot to him. He was thanking me for not throwing his things away so why doesn't he help pay to mail everything back?


So...however childish it may seem I think it's just a way to keep ties to you. It's just another excuse to get in touch again in the future. Best of luck in getting your CD's back!

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...