What do I do now?

[Ponbiki]

I haven't really posted anything about the relationship I'm addressing in this thread because for the most part I just read all the threads here and didn't follow the advice unfortunately. I also kept in most of my feelings until they kind of just got manageable. So, to summarize, I'm young (22), got married with out thinking too much in Feb of '06 to a girl I had know for about 5 years at the time. Relationship fell apart for various reasons, and while I know it wasn't her fault I definitely felt like she didn't put much work into saving it. We separated January of '07 and were divorced in September '07. Not a long time at all, but the fact that I had known her for so long made it harder for me, also she had two children from a previous relationship which made the breakup especially hard for me, because while not mine, I was around them from the time they were born so it felt like they were. After we were split I did most of all the wrong things to try to start the relationship again. In fact it's probably better that the relationship ended because I am now doing a little better for myself by going back to school and actually being productive at work. I have been able to stop talking to her and thinking about her so much because she moved, from living less than 5 minutes away from me here in Tampa, to New York. But now she has moved back.

 

The problem is that even though we haven't talked in over 5 months, I still think about her and the events that happened at least 20 minutes a day. Then last night a friend of hers (and I thought kind of mine) called me and asked who I was with, then asks to talk to a buddy I was hanging out with, then she asks him for his number, after which she calls him directly and says that my ex wants to talk to him but not when I'm around. Which alone is bad enough, but my ex and him had slept together around a year before her and I got together. I talked to him and he promised not to talk with her because he knows how much it would bother me, plus he's not really interested in a relationship with her, just sex if anything. But I'm not sure I fully believe him.

 

Then the friend calls me a little later and asks if I still live with my mother...then laughs and hangs up after I say yes. Which doesn't mean anything because my ex lives with her mother and doesn't even have a job. I know that I shouldn't let someone lower my self-value so much, I mean, I was barely able to afford an apartment and take care of my ex and our kids when were married, it just doesn't make sense to pay a high rent for me right now. I know I made the mistake of answering in the first place, I didn't know the number the first time, but then made the same mistake again. It sounded like the friend was intoxicated when she called, but there's no reason that two women that both have children should be acting so immature.

 

It doesn't help that I haven't had a relationship since we separated, I think that's my main issue currently, and I know that's not good because I shouldn't need another person to make me feel valued. I still want her back for some unknown reason to me, and I think it's because I have not experienced a healthy relationship yet.

 

So should I just stop worrying about it so much? I mean what's the difference if my friend talks with her or not, I probably won't be able to hang with him anymore since he obviously lied to me knowing that it would hurt me. And what should I do if the ex or her friend calls, just not answer? I don't know why they'd want to hurt me so much, I haven't done anything to warrant it.

[tylercdurden2004]

Start hanging around people who respect you and have respect for themselves.

 

To be honest from a quick skim of your post it sounds like your ex and her friend are a tad immature.

 

So what does your friend see in your ex?

[Infrared]

Well I don't think it's ok for your friend to talk to her if they weren't good friends while you guys were together. If they were it's reasonable that they'd have shared interests, otherwise he shouldn't be interested.

[Ponbiki]

No, him and her have never really been friends. They just had a little fling at one point. I don't know what either of them could see in each other emotionally. They don't have the same interests, my friend is fairly intelligent though so he can talk about a good amount of subjects, but really the only thing I see happening between them is something physical.