Jump to content

Before I make thr inevitable mistake...


Recommended Posts

Coming back to school from winter break, a new wave of energy has hit me. My "swagger" is back (I had written earleir how it was gone) and I feel I can "conquer the world" (to an extent


Of course, the one rather dicey area for me......girls. As I've written here many times before, I can talk to them just fine, no problems with that. However, advancing things past getting a number is where all hell breaks loose. The reason for this is not because girls lead me one (once or twice it was true, but not generally), but because: I make the inevitable mistake.


In my case, it's a little tough to describe what the mistake I always make is, since it's not always the same thing. Oftentimes I can point to the fact that I don't know the girl well enough, and the bridge from "acquaintance/friend" to "possible girlfriend" is too weak. I can also point to the fact that I could be a bit shy once this situation pops up, since I really don't know how to escalate things real well. I do get a little nervous, and sometimes it gets the best of me. Sometimes, I aim for the wrong type of girl, placing some values above where they should be (i.e. looks). But what I think the core of my miscues is: I fall into the trap that some of the girls I do know are giving me signs, and they are indicating that they have feelings for me. Time and time again I fall into this trap. It was much more of an issue in high school than in college, but it could explain why I am not real close to any girls (as a friend or w/e).


With this "trap" in mind, I am being EXTREMELY cautious about a girl that I think I have some feelings for now. She is really cool - she's down-to-earth, we have a lot of things in common, we get along well, and she's attractive. I've actually never met a girl like her, and that's a good thing.


We met last semester through my best friend at college. She recognized me from one of our classes, and I made some good out of that, as we organized a study session before the final exam - I saw her in the dining hall and we talked for a little bit about things in general. She told me it would likely be a group study session with 3 or 4 people, but the third person didn't arrive until an hour after the girl and I began. (hmm...) The only error I made here is that we may have all stayed a little too long (the three of us), as we just chilled for a little while afterwards, talking and such (that's not necessarily a bad things, but I didn't want to make things dull at all).


Over the break, I talked to her online once or twice just so we stayed in touch. Last week, we all returned to school, when I vowed to make more connections with who I could get to know better with girls (through classes and such). This past weekend, I figured I could find a way to see this girl at a party. I called her up and told her my buddy and I are going to check out what happens, she can feel free to tag along. She was on the fence about going out on a Sunday night in the cold (no classes today), but after we talked for another few seconds, she agreed to go as well. Two times she called me as my friend and I were headed to the party (we got there before her) just to see what's up. At the party, she saw us, gave us each a hug (I got 2 lol) and I talked to her for a few minutes. Of course the party kicked extremely early and no one got that much in the way of "beverages," so I told her I had to go and I'd see her soon. She agreed and that was that.


So, that is everything that's transpired so far. I didn't want to make a move at the party b/c I generally don't ask someone out at a party lol, and also most people were rather sober, so not enough "liquid courage" was there. With all of this in mind, I do not want to make "the inevitable mistake." I can't tell if I actually received any signs at all here, and I don't want to formally ask her out quite yet, since I'm not sure what would happen. She's cool to hang around with, but if I ask her out and it doesn't work, I lose everything.


What should I do next? I know it seems rather basic, but I am playing this extremely cautiously and I am playing to make no mistakes. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Link to comment
Stop thinking of it as a mistake and as a learning experience. That may help you relax more and just feel free to be yourself. Get away from attachment to outcomes and get to the point where you dont care if she sticks around or not. Its her choice whether she decides to join you on you fantastic voyage through life. Catch me?


I hear ya, but I think there is more to it.


I do value everything I don't do right as a learning experience, but it's not like I'm having a whole lot of success either.


There is a saying that goes something like: Once is a fluke, Twice is a streak, Three is a trend, etc. I'm in quite a slump right now, and I feel that it's something that I was doing. Sure, I can always say, "It's the girl's fault - she's losing out." However, if I tend to drop the ball often, it's definitely something on my end.


In this particular case, the girl I have my eye on is really cool. As I wrote in my original post, she is different than every girl I've ever met. She'd be great to have, even as a friend. If I ask her out too soon (or too late) and it doesn't work, I lose the friendship as well.


In a more general sense, I just want something to work. I'm on a bit of a losing streak and I need a win to maintain my confidence. Catch me?

Link to comment

Just an UPDATE of sorts with the girl that I may "like"...


After I came back from the dining hall today, she IM'ed me and said how she really liked seeing me last night. We talked for a few minutes (I didn't want it to drag out, plus I was headed to the gym anyway) and she "definitely" (her word) agrees that we should hang out again soon.


This probably doesn't mean a whole lot, but it's a good sign regardless.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...