lonely_me Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Hello! I've been toying around the idea of someday being a stay at home mom when my husband and I start our family and was wondering if anyone had any tips for things I can do now to prepare. My husband and I are already used to living off a single income since he's a full time graduate student right now, so I don't think there'll be too much of a lifestyle change. We stick to a pretty strict budget and know how to discipline ourselves financially. I realize that we'll need more than we have now once we begin having children, but my husband will be able to demand more income than I can once he finishes graduate school. Ideally, we would like to start our family in about 5 years - that's how long it'll take for me to finish my Masters degree and for him to finish his PhD, internship, and get settled in a job. Can anyone recommend things we should be thinking about before then? I've read about families who were doing very well financially and thought they could spare the extra income, only to end up severely in debt. I don't want that to happen to us. I worry that if we don't plan this well enough, I'll quit my job and then we'll realize that we can't manage. Also, I've heard that it is sometimes difficult for women to re-enter the workforce after leaving it. Is this true? My dream is that after our kids start preschool, I'll be able to start my own business and work part time. But, if that can't happen I'll want to get back in to a job in my field again. Will not working for several years hurt my ability to do so? Any tips, suggestions or thoughts people can provide would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance! Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 hi - i remember your story. you are quite the go-getter yourself, are you sure you would be happy being a stay at home mom? is your husband being better about spending time with you and making sure that you do not feel neglected? i would not have children with him until those issues are fixed. Link to comment
Alezia Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I've been a stay-at-home girlfriend (wanted to say stay-at-home wife but it doesn't apply) for the past month (I have big cramping issues) and will be a stay at home mom for the next 7 months. I'll be going back to school full-time afterwards and the baby will be put in a day care. We're not that well off financially, living off one income but we're doing fine so far. We have a lot of big purchases to make ex: car etc... but I had some money saved up to pay my share of that beforehand. His salary is still coming in. I think he might be able to get paternity leave for up to 36 weeks at 75% paid salary. We could technically both be at home to enjoy baby at only 25% cost. You should check what your govt has available for you. We have Child Tax Credits too; I think of around 200$ per month. Hopefully we can get the 7$/day daycare too for once I get back to school. It seems like a big financial hit originally, but remember, kids have been around forever =) That means most people can afford them. Link to comment
lonely_me Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 hi - i remember your story. you are quite the go-getter yourself, are you sure you would be happy being a stay at home mom? is your husband being better about spending time with you and making sure that you do not feel neglected? i would not have children with him until those issues are fixed. Hi Annie! Thanks for remembering me Things actually have gotten a lot better... My husband is still busy, but I think I've learned to cope better. All of those issues had started around November of 2006... Around February 2007 I realized I couldn't take it any more and spent an entire month with my parents, trying to sort things out. I learned a few things... - The new birth control I was on was making me literally psycho. I got off the hormones entirely and am doing so much better. I now chart my cycles very carefully and can predict my crazy days. I am very careful to not take anything personally during those days and I try to avoid important discussions. - I saw a psychologist who diagnosed me with Seasonal Affective Disorder. It makes sense since all of my feelings of loneliness started last winter, which was my first northern winter. I'm not on meds for it, but I am aware of it and trying to keep it in mind. I use a light box twice a day, force myself to get outside no matter what, go to the gym, etc. - I'm back in school part time! I work from home still, but now I get to get out of the house twice a week and get that human interaction I was missing. I love it. I'm also taking cheesy old-lady classes at the local highschool - cake decorating, crochet, and tole painting. I'm doing more things for me and that's making me resent my husband so much less. With that said... I don't know how much has actually changed from him. He's still really busy and there are still many times when I miss being able to spend time with him. However, I now believe that everything that went on last year was more my fault than his, so I've stopped blaming him. I really do believe that once he's done with his school stresses, things will go back to the way they were. Of course, if they don't, our plans of starting a family will have to change. It's one thing for me to feel neglected - it's entirely another for a child to feel neglected. I wouldn't bring a child in to a situation like the one we have now. But, planning for when things will be different tends to really help me... so that's what I'm trying to do. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Where are you from? Do you get paid maternity leave from work? Where I am you get 95% of your salary for a year.... as long as you have worked with them for one year. That helps! Link to comment
lonely_me Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 Where are you from? Do you get paid maternity leave from work? Where I am you get 95% of your salary for a year.... as long as you have worked with them for one year. That helps! Well, I'll get 60% disability for 6 weeks after I have a child. However, I am talking about a few years... I guess I just want to make sure I have all my ducks in a row and figure now is a good time to start thinking about it, even though it won't be an issue for 5+ years. I've been toying with the idea for a while, but recently I've been moving higher in my career and I'm seeing that all the cut throat, red tape attitudes aren't right for me and I am just curious about how possible it would be for me to just leave it. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Well, I'll get 60% disability for 6 weeks after I have a child. However, I am talking about a few years... I guess I just want to make sure I have all my ducks in a row and figure now is a good time to start thinking about it, even though it won't be an issue for 5+ years. I've been toying with the idea for a while, but recently I've been moving higher in my career and I'm seeing that all the cut throat, red tape attitudes aren't right for me and I am just curious about how possible it would be for me to just leave it. it depends on whats important to you. personally i don't get it when people decide to have children, then after a year hand them over to some underpaid staffto look after them while mum goeson to better her career. I also hear some working mums talk about how they still have time to fit in both being a mum and working and saying things like "I still manage to fit in my children in the evenings" Well, what if you went to your employer and said "even though my work hour is 8 hours a day, i can fit it in in 2 hours!" that wouldn't go over very well. Thats why i wonder wbout people who say how they can do thier family time in such a short time. I'm not a mum, who knows, i could change completely when that time comes. Link to comment
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