Its been 8 depressing mos so far...

[sikk_entyerd]

I don't know what to do with myself. Its been 8 months already since I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and I'm still in a rut. I still can't get over that fact and get on with my life. Every waking hour I have feelings of hate, anger, resentment toward her and her new boyfriend?...friend?...I don't even know what they are now? But the fact that the two conspired against me secretly in the first place still just angers me so much, when I had confronted him a while ago and told him very nicely to please not interfere with us at the time when she and I were trying to work out the kinks in our relationship. If she wanted to do the "playing the field thing", she could have at least told me and broken up with me like that, instead of doing things so secretly with her coworker. He kept calling her to mess things up with she and I, when we had an agreement with each other that he would not call her up and make her want him. This was about 6 mos ago and I remember things still so vividly. I need serious help. I'm like a bomb waiting to explode. If I ever catch the two together, at the mall, in the movie theater, or anywhere...I'm soo afraid that I'm going to rush the guy and beat the crap out of him and make a fool out of my self by doing so. I don't love her anymore because how she broke it off with me by going out with this guy secretly. You think you know someone after 4 years but I guess not and I'm not so gullable. It would take an idiot not to see that in their relationship if that person was a fake. Maybe she was that good for doing that to me for 4 long years. She never once behaved like this and I never imagined it would end up like how it did. She and I would sometimes talk about where our wedding and stuff would be. Never realized that she would do this to me. I never did any wrong to this girl to be so decieved like this. I was a very good boyfriend to her. I was always there for her and I put her up on a pedestal. Her friends know who I am and they agree with me behind her back but I guess it doesn't matter now. I was going to marry this girl, I was that madly in love with her. I just feel so depressed day in and day out. I go out with friends and talk about it so much so that they are tired of feeling sorry for me. They keep telling me to forget it and just move on but I just can't. I've since dated about 5 girls but I'm just still soooo unhappy. About three of them that I've dated have grown attached to me but I'm just not happy with any one of them. FYI...they all know that they're dating me (i'm not a player if it sounds like it) I want revenge to say the least, I want both my ex and her friend to suffer in some way or another. I sure hope that the saying, "what goes around comes around" holds true, because nothing would give me more satisfaction that humiliating her and punching this guys teeth in. I've felt suicidal at times, and I just don't give a flying (f word) about life any more. Prison time wouldn't sound too bad if I could just give it to this guy. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel really really depressed today more so that other days so thats why i'm writing to get some stress off of me by letting out some steam. To some extent its helping. No one has to reply to this message if they don't want to because actually there's no subject to reply back to. I don't think anything or anyone can help me right now. Its in God's hands now...I just have so much respect for the people who can just move on with their life after what their once better half betrayed them and the couples out there that last. I envy them. God Bless all those that have had their hearts broken. May your hearts be once again be mended.

[Maximus_canuck]

if you wanna know my story it's still on the main page and is titled "from one who got left at the altar"

I guess i can say two things.

 

1. That sucks and i'm sorry, life isn't fair, but sometimes it's just plain cruel.

 

2. recovery is up to you. we all take time to heal. it took my about 2 good whole months to fully forgive my ex fiancee, and it was hard. as to the hate, don't let it consume you. you actually have the power to control it, and it's a hard thing to do. Though it's worth it in the end.

 

i really am sorry it happened to you, but worse can happen. I have a friend who's parents are talking about divorce. I had another family who's only son commited suicide and his mom found him swaying from the rafters. There is so much worse that can happen, and be grateful to God that it doens't happen to you.

attitude is everything.

 

Stephen Godfrey

 

p.s. the following is from og mandino.

 

The World Is Mine!

Today upon a bus, I saw a lovely girl, I envied her:

She seemed so happy. And I wish I were as fair.

And then, suddenly, she rose to

leave, and I saw her hobble down the aisle,

She had one leg and wore a crutch, But as she passed, a smile.

 

Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two legs,

I am blessed indeed. The world is mine!

 

Later, walking down the street,

I saw a man with eyes of blue.

But he just stood and the watched the others play.

So, I stopped a moment and then I said,

"Why don't you join the others, sir?"

But he looked ahead without a word.

And then I knew he could not hear.

 

Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two ears,

I am blessed indeed. The world is mine!

 

And later, I stopped to buy some sweets,

The lad who sold them had such charm,

I talked with him. If I were late, it would do no harm.

But as I turned to go, he said to me,

"I thank you sir. You've been so kind.

It's nice to talk with folks like you.

You see", he said, "I'm blind"

 

Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes,

I am blessed indeed. The world is mine!

 

With legs to take me where I want to go,

With ears to hear the things I need to know,

With eyes to watch that radiant sunset glow,

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.

 

I am blessed indeed!

The world is mine!

 

Og Mandino

[Cid]

That is good maximus. Like he sead it will take time but we all must get over it.

[hellojello]

Well, here I am feeling somewhat left out and on the opposite sideline as you guys. I'm the girl you are talking about (okay not YOUR girl, but a girl that left her bf bc of cheating...) and I kinda felt like you are my ex, just a different person.

For her sake, for all the girls' sakes...I apologize. Even though I KNOW now that sorry is NOT enough. I understand that. But sometimes, you have to understand what we go through too. I don't know the whole situation with your ex, but in my relationship, I felt I was going no where. Yes we talked of marriage, yes we talked of our love and our future, but after awhile it was gone. I don't know if he saw my heart leaving or if it blindsided him when I did what I did, but either way, my heart wasn't in it. And you have to understand that no matter what happens, if the heart isn't in it, there is no relationship to speak of. I know that I could have broken up with him and ended it on better terms, but he wouldn't let me go without a fight. I knew I was too weak...and that if he had no reason not to want to take me back, he would do everything he could to do that. Sometimes it is better the way things turn out, and even though you can't see it right now, sometime, it will happen. What was meant to be will happen, and you will be so SO glad that you didn't interfere with that plan. I know you must hate me bc I am another one of the girls...but I'm just asking you see it from our side. Sometimes things aren't as good as they seem.

[Johnny_has]

Prison time wouldn't sound too bad if I could just give it to this guy.

 

My friend, I don't know what you think prison is all about, it sure ain't no picnic. Watch the movie "Lockdown", guys get raped all the time in the big house. You'd be fresh meat.

 

So if you did a number on this dude you will still feel bad, except you'd be feeling alot worse when your getting gangbanged by 3 negros in your cell. Don't rough this guy up, don't think it'll help you and people will lose respect of you.

[Cid]

no I dont hate you hellojello or

girl you are talking about

I just wish that you can tell us if we arent doing it for you. So we can fix it.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Smile, look up at the sky...it'll be good again soon, you just have to want it bad.

 

Happy Heb

[Ddog2296]

God this sounds so familiar its scary. My gf of 5 yrs was seeing my bestfriend before she broke up with me. This happened two weeks ago and I hate my ex bestfriend so much that killing him or roughing him up does sound like something that would make me feel better. If you care to read it sikk its posted here: link removed

 

If it helps man you're not alone in this at all. I was blindsided by my gf when she broke up with me. And now almost every night I cry about it. She told me just what hellojello said, that the feeling just wasn't there any more.

 

But screw that, it's so hard to understand that because even if the feelings aren't there how can someone do it when they know its going to hurt someone else so much?? Women are strange, many seem to want to hurt men. God I only wish my gf would have told me what she was feeling a long time before she did what she did, I mean I always thought we were open with eachother. But you never really know someone as well as you think *hence my bestfriend*. On top of all that I still have to see them everyday at school, and I don't know how much longer I can take it either. I would enjoy so much ripping that faggot's eyes out and choking the life out of his little body. But everything that happens now is up to me and I have to much to lose to do that.

 

I suggest working more hours, volunteering some place, and spending a lot of time with others. I find the hardest times are when I am alone and thats when I come here and just read posts, and it helps me a lot and has stopped me from doing some stupid things.

 

Think about all the stuff you have to live for ie. family, friends, etc.. Make a list of them. Keep your mind off your ex and spend more time finding something you enjoy doing and do it. I know you probably feel like they are both getting off without any penalties but they will get it in the end, it might be a long time but they'll get what they deserve. Nothing is free in life and they will end up paying too.

 

But for the time being you are suffering too much and the only person that can stop that is yourself. There are so many more people in the world that can make you feel like she made you feel, you just have to put some effort into finding them and developing a relationship. But if you keep up in your present state its going to be hard for you to ever move on with another woman, and thats what you want isn't it, to be happy? I'm going through the same thing right now and its hard probably the hardest thing I've had to do in all my life but I know I'll be stronger when I succeed.

 

One more thing heres a song that I've been listening to, and its something to think about. Garth Brooks - Unanswered Prayers. Country music has a song for everything. But listen to the words they give me hope and it helps to have some optimism in your life right now.