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Having a difficult time with this one!!!

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My GF and I broke up 3 months ago. We were together for a year. I have been in 3 other serious relationships, one which was a marriage. However, this break-up is the hardest of all, including my divorce. I have not been able to do NC for very long (4 days at most). I am going crazy over this girl. I get saddened because I feel that I will never get to talk with her or see her again. When we do talk she tells me that she loves me, misses me, and cares about me. But, she says she needs a break and wants me to move on. I continually get mixed signals from her. I just don't know what to do. In the last 3 months we have spent some time together over X-mas and New Year's holidays. She was going to see me on my birthday but, I pushed her away. Now, I'm sad and lonely. I have been trying to keep busy but, I really would like to see her. Please help me get a different perspective on things.

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I feel your pain. My break-up has only been for *almost* 3 weeks, and I am struggling immensely. You have to think of it this way. She knows how you feel about her. She is telling you that she needs a break, she needs space. If you truly love her, you will respect her decision and give her this space. She will respect you in return for listening to her and giving her what she wants. I know how hard this is (and it's even harder when the ex is giving you mixed signals by calling YOU and contacting YOU). I'm trying to deal with this too, and I am on these forums way too much for my own good. However, it helps me to quench my desire of wanting to contact. I know that if my ex wanted me back, I want him to do it on his terms, and not because I wouldn't let him go. You don't want someone who doesn't want to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. Love should be equal and balanced, and you should feel that you are receiving what you are putting in. Anything else is heartbreaking.

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I appreciate all of the responses. I was hospitalized last weekend due to losing control of my situation. I didn't think about her though. I thought about my life and my situation. I realized that I needed help and took myself to the hospital. I was fortunate to have an excellent psychiatrist while in the hospital. He took about 3 hours to evaluate me. He reported to me that I had bipolar disorder. Things started to make since after this. My friends weren't shocked about this and I was. I've been on medication for about a week and wished that they would kick in. I know that they will help once they start working. I have no self-esteem and feel that my life is over. I should be feeling that my life has just begun. I have started a journal and NC. Hopefully, things will get better. I am just really emotionally spent and fractured to the core. Any positive comments are greatly appreciated.

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Hey broken....I feel your pain. I was in an on again, off again relationship that ended once and for all about 9 months ago, although we went back and forth for 6 months before that, and with each breakup and reconciliation, I was more heart broken and lost more of my perspective on the situation, to the detiriment of my health (I ended up having an irregular heart beat that was finally surgically cured this past summer).


Anyway, I would have to agree with the other posters here and wish I'd been a lot smarter in my own situation...NC is the way to go, as, after a point, additional contact with someone who is as confused as our ex's are simply complicates the situation, pushes them futher away and heightens our pain, all things of course you have discovered from your own experience.


I can honestly say that, 9 months since our last breakup, I do still struggle with accepting that she is gone and not coming back. However, I look back at the drama and confusion of that time when she was on the fence but we were still trying to be in contact....what a fiasco! For the sake of your own health and well being, walk away from this one....even as I know that feels impossible right now. A day at a time, you can do it. While I have not exactly healed, I have accepted that this was not a relationship that was meant to be, and my health issues were a sign that the stress of it was literally tearing me apart from the insides. I'm happy to report that my heart is fine, I'm back to running 20 miles a week and finally sleeping well.


Healing will not begin until you start no contact. There are no short cuts unfotunately, and the more you cling to slivers of hope or to her confused responses to you, looking for a sign, you will continue to be in this unfortunate state.


The entire ordeal has set me back on my heals emotionally for many months, and I now see that it has affected my ability to trust anyone new in relationships or even to be attracted to someone else. I wish I would have kept walking after the first breakup 18 months ago. Unless she is showing you through her actions that she really wants to be with you and has as serious a commitment to you as you do to her, my advice is to let her walk.


I hope the best for you and that you will find relief from this stuff soon....it sucks!


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Today, I am having a difficult time. I have started a journal to write to when I wanna have contact. So far, it helps. However, I am still in so much pain. I work out 2-3 hrs trying to burn energy so I don't contact her. But, as soon as I'm alone I sob for what seems an eternity. I have no self-esteem anymore. Please help me!!!

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I just found out she went on a date and had a great time. That hurts more than anything. I truly believe I have given up.


Sorry. I know how you feel. My ex liked had a guy go see her like 2 weeks after i left. Then she made him her bf in less then a month after we spilt. She then proceeded to post on a forum i post at how the sex is amazing and rubs it in my face.


That was a mofo yet am over that * * * * .


Hnag in there. I am in 50 days of NC and it's been great. Things do get easier and it hurts less and less. Just busy and stay focued and positive. You need help talking about it, come here and let loose.

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