I care to much about what people think off me

[MorbidMetalHead87]

And it's not a very good state off mind to be in at all. I mean I seldom think for myself. And I have to have other people make choices for me. Because I am terrified off everyone hating me for making the wrong choices. It's like I can not look after myself. I am not shy oddly enough, I am very outgoing and friendly, but at the same time my confidence is down the drain. I Also trust people to much, Like I have this thing where I think "what if I hurt their feelings by not trusting them" and I have gotten into so many horrid situations by trusting people to much aswell.

 

I am 20 year old, but I know how all this started. It started when I was in high school and got bullied daily, I got called horribly things everyday for being different. And there was this time where They acctaully use to threaten me.

 

The threats were mainly to do with rape and cutting my throat. I know the whole saying about what dose not kill you only makes you stronger. But being threatened by bullies has made me a nervious wreck! I Use to be a very laid back, and head strong girl, But ever since I made those people mad I am afraid ALL THE TIME. I know, I know this is EXSACTILY what they want, But it's not like it can be helped.

 

It's funny tho Because I am very good at helping other people in my situation. I always have a good reason for why they should not care what others think off them, not many people can agrue against what I userly have to say aswell. But I just am struggling to help myself no matter how many times I tell myself that For one it's my life not theirs there for it should be my choices not theirs that control my life. Which I wont argue with, but I am just scared. I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from these expereinces in high school, I remember spending alot off those days being awake all night not knowing if their "friends" were gonna rape me or not. Which no one deserves to go through. But still, I mean What about people with PTSD who have gone through worse! dose it always take worse to get PTSD and maybe I am just weak, or do other peole get PTSD through simular or less?

 

I dunno! I just really wanna not worry about what others think for a change. I wanna use my own judgment for a change. And Sorry for making this to long... I just really need help, and had to tell as much as I could to get help, so thankyou for reading. Any advice or imput is welcome at this point.

[capbit]

Those kids back in high school were awful. I have never heard of threats such as those. PTSD is common for those that have gone through some sort of trauma in the past, so you're not alone there.

Start making decisions for yourself. Are you afraid what will happen if you made people angry? This could be a matter of transference as you dealt with some pretty harsh kids in high school. Don't always think you have to be on someones good side, agree with them on everything, or make them happy. You never hear of famous followers, but rather leaders. Take control of you life and do as you wish. Use your best judgment with people, but dont always assume the worst.

[MorbidMetalHead87]

Capbit, You have a point when you say "you never hear of famous followers, but rather leaders." Because I do want to be successfull I really do. A part off me wants that tho, to prove those bullies wrong. Which I know is the wrong additude to have.

[itsallgrand]

Have you had the PTSD addressed with some solid professional help?

Personally, I found it very helpful.

 

These things can't be compared. They are what they are. It's something that impacted you greatly, and how safe you feel in this world, and that is as valid as what anyone else is going through. It's important to work it through.

 

I know for myself, and I'm speaking personally here, the most difficult part of the trauma that I have gone through in my past to overcome has been that sense of insecurity. Having a very difficult time feeling safe - to express my feelings openly, to assert myself, and even to simply exist.

 

Some experiences can really rock a person's world and identity. It's a scary feeling, and I feel for you.

 

But the good news is it can be worked on, and you don't have to feel like this forever. You can regain control, and start to feel safe again. By degrees, you work up to it. It builds and builds. You build it.

 

It's difficult to give good advice on something like this regarding what is a good plan of action for you without knowing you and the situation real well. And I think it's important that you have someone you can trust, it can make all the difference.

 

Big hugs.

[MorbidMetalHead87]

hey itsallgrand, What you said made a alot off sense. I see shrinks. I have also been diognoised with Psychosis so they put me on anti-Psychotic medication (No medication for PTSD at all) and mostly adress my Psychosis, even tho I either don't have Psychosis or am extreamily mild, But as for PTSD I Have a very bad case off it. And the medication for phychosis dose not work for my other condition, And they just egnore My PTSD for some reason which makes me furious to be honest. Because I have been trying to tell them for years but they just say the same thing every time "Oh I think it's working" ggrrrrrrr stupid shrinks just follow text books and nothing more what do they know? I am trying to find a different doctor now.