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The sweetest guy with no spark


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Alright, so lately I've been watching my friends go through stages in their relationships with their boyfriends and wondering when my turn will come. For the past couple of weeks, which I know isn't very long, I've been focusing on all the wonderful things I do have in my life, and my mood's lifted dramatically. But suddenly, someone who's kind of been right under my nose is showing boyfriend potential... I think.

I made a post in November about what I thought at the time was the worst night of my life. All you need to know about it is that I had an awful experience, and this guy, let's call him Brad, was totally sweet to me after even though we weren't friends. He wiped my tears, held me on his lap, held my hand, and piggybacked me later. I asked at one point if he was being nice because of my horrible state of mind, and he said it was because I was beautiful. After that night, I never saw him much until this week. We walked a little after bumping into each other and made some small talk, and he teased me about me never saying hi to him. Before he ran off with some friends, he gave me a great big hug, and it didn't feel weird at all. It's like we have this unspoken connection because of that night or something. I also recall him flirting with me one time before the "bad night".

Now, the way he talks to me and treated me is the way I'd want a boyfriend to treat me. Yet before that night I didn't think of him that way at all. I don't know if I could learn to love him or if I'm supposed to be feeling a spark right now. What's more, is that we're both shy people and he's not asking me out, yet I'm pretty sure he likes me. I'm not sure if I like him, and I'm not sure what I want. How can I figure out how he sees me without being totally blunt? And should I give him a chance if he ever does make a move? Is the whole idea about feeling sparks with someone right away just a bunch of crap?

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I read your other thread about you bad night and this guy really does sound like a sweetiepie. Just the fact that you're seeing him as possible boyfriend material and thinking about him means there's something there...maybe not sparks, but that doesn't matter. The sparks could come after spending some more time together...I don't think it has to be instant. In fact sometimes the people that we feel those instant sparks for aren't necessarily people that we could or should fall in love with.


I think this guy is worth giving a chance...he sounds great. I don't know how you can find out how he sees you though if he's not someone you run into on a regular basis. Do you know where he hangs out or is there any way that you might "bump into" him again?

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Kudos to the man. I've not read your previous thread about your bad night, but for him to be there for you, and yet not lay it on too thick and bring his own (male) expectations into the picture - sounds the mark of a gentleman. He may simply be waiting for the right moment, and definitely needs a bit of encouragement from you to edge him in the right direction.


Don't over analyse about what 'sparks' you should or shouldn't be feeling right now. Just give it a chance in your heart. So many potentially good relationships in life don't happen because at that early baby stage, people get too hung up about why it doesn't feel exactly like their last great love, or because it doesn't feel as electric as that romantic scene in their favourite movie ...


Just give it room for air -

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Greensleeves- he is a sweetiepie. He totally changed my firm idea that truly good guys like that don't actually exist. I've actually been running into him a lot lately, and I feel like I am showing interest but maybe I'm not good at it. We live in the same building and we used to be awkward after seeing each other ever since that night, but now we always ask about each other's days and stuff. According to my roommate and some other people that know him, he's super girl shy, which totally doesn't help because I'm a little shy too and I'm not the type to ask a guy out first. Especially not now, because this is the first guy I've ever met who seems compatible but I have a strange fear somehow that's he's just being super nice.

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Aww, the fact that he super girl shy makes him even a sweeter sweetiepie.


However, it does make it a little more difficult for you because he'll definitely need some encouragement from you. The fact that he lives in your building is great though. Maybe you could invite him over for a coffee or tea....not a "date", that would avoid some of the "first date" awkwardness. What about if the next time you run into you said something like "Gee we're always running into eachother while we're on our way somewhere...it'd be nice to get together sometime for an hour or so. Do you feel like coming over for a coffee maybe next Thursday night or Saturday afternoon?" This way, you're specifying a time, so it doesn't leave it up in the air and it doesn't put any "date" pressure on either of you. If he's interested, he'll either say "yes, i'll see you Saturday" or, I'm busy Saturday and Thursday, but I could do it on such and such day". If he's not interested, he'll probably say something like, "oh I can't I'm really busy these days", but at least you'll know. If you'd rather not invite him to your place, just change the location to your local Starbucks or something similar. If he says yes, once you do get together you'll probably be able to tell if he is interested.

Check out this link on body language if you're not sure about his level of interest:


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Good luckwith this...you both sound like really good people.

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I really I hate the idea of "the {initial} spark". I think it's a bad thing to go by, and has almost nothing to do with forming real, good relationships.


are you nuts? i live by it. if i have no initial spark, why continue?



to the OP - i would just be weary that this guy was nice after your 'bad day' and you are latching onto the nicest thing that happened after. people can get caught up in things like this. something bad happens and they really appreciate the first good thing that comes along. just like before you said you never really thought of this guy as a romantic interest.

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