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Consequences of having sex with friend

MrRight

By MrRight
in Dating Advice

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MrRight Collaborator

MrRight

Posted
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Folks, I have known this lady for six years. We are friends. Then we had a dinner last week about relationships, etc and she was asking whether I am satisfied with my sexual life. I thought that was a strange question. The conversation went on and then she made some compliments.

 

She is not physically speaking my type. However, I have to confess that after few drinks I took her to my car and we listened to romantic music for a long time.

 

We are scheduled to do that again next week.

 

This is the problem:

If I kiss her and end up having sex with her (without any long-term interest at all), should I expect to spoil the friendship and eventually losing her as a friend?

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wayoverit Newbie

wayoverit

Posted
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As friends we set boundaries of trust and know each other's expectations of each other's friendship. As long as this boundary is held stable, the friendship continues.

 

Once they become intimate, the friendship boundary is crossed. Either one of them might feel more obligated to more. Trust and expectations can increase, thus making them greater friends. But if distrust and unrealistic expectation arise out of this whole experience, the original friendship is in question. So if you are already in a great friendship, why introduce sex into it to jeopardize it?

 

(This concept applies to normal everyday friendship, but with sex involved, the boundary is more often affected.)

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Clementine orange Rising Star

Clementine orange

Posted
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Why would it ruin the friendship?

 

Sex complicates everything. Once you see your friend naked and in the state of ecstasy then it's like a whole new door is opened. Think about it: people rarely get jealous of our friend's friends - why would we? Get jealous of your lover's lover - that's natural*

 

*some exceptions apply however as a general rule one doesn't like to share

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BeStrongBeHappy Experienced

BeStrongBeHappy

Posted
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If you know already that this is going nowhere for you, why jeopardize a good friendship?

 

When it falls apart is if she has feelings for you, but you don't want the 'romance' along with the sex... then you start dating other women and she feels left behind or jealous.

 

So if the friendship is really important to you, and you know for sure there is no long term potential there, it is just not worth it.

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MrRight Collaborator

MrRight

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You are right. I will just resist and temptation to have an orgasm for the night and return home and sleep on my own.

 

 

If you know already that this is going nowhere for you, why jeopardize a good friendship?

 

When it falls apart is if she has feelings for you, but you don't want the 'romance' along with the sex... then you start dating other women and she feels left behind or jealous.

 

So if the friendship is really important to you, and you know for sure there is no long term potential there, it is just not worth it.

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LBP Collaborator

LBP

Posted
Posted

Got a little song for ya... Jurassic 5, Thin Line... I think it says it all.

 

 

Yo, this is a lesson in friendship

The depths of a kinship

What women and men begin with, and then slip

My pen drips

As I scribble my thoughts on thin strips

Of emotion

A fraction, seduction, attraction

Eruption of passion

Corrupts if a lasted friendship's involved

But love to cross the line

But that's why we built these walls

 

[Hook: Nelly Furtado]

We been friends for a long time, a very close friend of mine

Love you like you was mine, but respect a thin line

I love you like you was mine, think about you all the time

Very close friend of mine, but respect a thin line

 

[Akil]

Opposite's attract

When the female and male come in contact

Sticky situation in fact

Tryin not to let the feelings catch

But there's a thin line between both of y'all

So you respect that

And entertain the idea, but get brought back

To reality, and could you really live with that?

Decision, based on intuition

You love and keep your distance

Hug and kiss in friendship

 

[Marc 7]

An ongoing kinship, we was people to begin with

Disrespect was not intended

but your feelings sparked the sentence

Sometimes you're too intense in your quest to invent

The perfect man, please understand, my rhyme is your repent

 

[(Hook) - repeat 2X]

 

[soup]

Man, too bad that we became friends first

I'm not on expert on how relationships should work

But, (echos) from the minute it as known

It changed the whole tone on how we spoke on the phone

Yo, it was cool but I felt it wasn't enough

And I was stuck when your moms would pick it up

Over you, all my buddies would swoon

But I felt we were in tune, you let me up in your room. (Damn)

But to me girl, you're still off limits

No matter all the times that I hinted. (Yo, whatchu doin after this?)

Infatuation was authentic, but yo I just pretended

So I wouldn't lose the friendship

Maybe, I should spill all my guts

Or write a letter, then tear it up

Or do a song, just to say what's up

I want ... just ... a touch

 

[(Hook) - repeat 2X]

 

[Nelly Furtado]

I can't do this anymore

See my heart just falls out when you walk in the door

Friendship turns into lust and this only tip

That I can't comprehend even if I knew it

Can't do justice to these things that I'm feeling

You got someone else, don't wanna be caught stealing

Hell if she knew she would never leave us alone

in the roo-ooo-ooom

 

[Chali 2na]

This was a lesson in friendship

I stress in this sentence

Should women and men be friends first?

And then slip?

My pen drips as I scribble my thoughts on thin strips

of devotion

 

[Akil]

Opposites attract

And best friends make a perfect match

If you only knew that

Once you cross, ain't no turning back

The minute you let him in it and he hit that

That's that

 

[Marc 7]

We was people to begin with, but you was too relentless

Jeporidizing kinship, respect is intended

Resolve is my intent

While we got it in

I'm tryin to salvage a friendship

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

Posted
Posted

yes. the dynamic gets screwed up. usually one of the friends wants more. sorry ladies, but it's usually females that get all emotionally involved. and it's just not that either. the line has been crossed. friends should not sleep with friends. now if you meet a girl and you agree to just sleep with one another. okay. do it. as long as you both know not to get attached. but this should not be with a friend. it has bit me in the rear several times. i always wonder about those friends too. i'm sure they wonder where i am.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

Posted
Posted
what if they were? Wouldn't you think your future gf's would find that hard?

Once you've gone there, you will no longer be friends in the way you express it. One or both of you will always have a sexual interest.

 

look. listen. this is why i say don't do it. all of the female friends i have slept with are gone. it got too awkward. i will never do it again. so there is no 'ifs' to be had. make up all the scenarios you want. won't happen with me again.

 

for your hypothetical question...i would just tell my gf if it was brought up. it's my past.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I see what you mean but it doesn't have to be about trust.

She just might find it very awkward seeing someone you had been intimate with?

Plus once you've gone there, one or both of you might want to again.

 

nope. i would not hook up with a female friend again. even one i already did.

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