How much effort did you guys have to put to get a girl?

[iwishiknew]

Just wondering for the average guy, how much effort did you have to put to get a gf? Was it simple? How hard was it for you? What was difficult? How much effort or the extra mile did you have to go to have this girl? And did it work? What was your strategy?

 

I have been thinking to myself how much effort do I have to put? Maybe I am not putting a lot of effort into it but I think have put enough effort before but no success at all.

[random_stranger]

I'm not a guy, but here's what I think: Put in as much effort as you think she is worth.

 

But also, keep in mind that effort only works when you're barking up the right tree, so to speak. For example, if you think you have a slight or good chance with a girl, then persistence (not doormat-behavior!) may eventually help you win her over. But if you think that she's not interested in you at all, then it's probably best to move on.

 

Additionally, effort works in conjunction with looks and personality. So don't think the amount of effort you put in will automatically help you get a girl.

[tylercdurden2004]

then persistence (not doormat-behavior!) may eventually help you win her over.

 

That is door mat behaviour. Listen to how wishy-washy that statement is.

 

To the OP you need to put yourself out there. But you aer not trying to "win" over some girl. Thats for Hollywood. You want to put yourself out there to:

 

1) Meet women and get to know them better

 

and

 

2) Determine a womans interest in you.

 

 

If shes interested she will go out with you so she can get to know you better. Thats what dating is all about.

 

Trying to win over a woman who has little interest in you will end up in heart ache for you or attract women who need and enjoy the attention and confidence boost.

 

Women who are interested in you make it easy for you. Provided you put yourself out there.

 

Persitence is crazy. The definition of crazy is: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[glegend]

Just wondering for the average guy, how much effort did you have to put to get a gf? Was it simple? How hard was it for you? What was difficult? How much effort or the extra mile did you have to go to have this girl? And did it work? What was your strategy?

 

 

Its hard to say how much effort I put into getting my girlfriend. It was simply yet again a bit of a challenge. It was a bit difficult cause I was shy to talk to her, but a few friends of mine kinda pushed me into talking to her and I had to talk to her so everything fell into place.

 

This is how it went down. I was djing the school dance during middle school, I was in grade 7 and it was the last dance of the year. She was eye balling me. She was kinda sitting in the corner dancing by herself not really doing much. So she started to leave, and my buddies grabbed me and kinda called her out and they are like Glegend wants to talk to you and I pulled up all my courage and actually asked her to dance. We then hit off, you know talking on msn and hanging out during lunch and then we started dating.

[Superfreak]

All my success has been with a care free attitude and making lots of jokes (including making fun of her).

 

What's the most difficult thing? Meeting them in the first place. I'm pretty anti-social and I have high standards, particularely in that little things can turn me off. Plus I'm a bit shy approaching strangers although I'm getting much better. When you combine those things it means that I have relatively few prospects.

 

Basically, in order to attract a girl, I ask them out. In order to attract girls in general I try to dress well, have good breath, keep an up-right posture, seem funny when I'm in the prescence of someone I'm attracted to (and even if I'm not, I like to be funny but sometimes I'm too shy to show that I can be funny) and try to put myself in to situations where I can meet women.

 

Lately though, I havn't been putting myself out there anywhere near as much as I should as I've just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago. But I'm hoping that I can meet a nice, smokin hot girl when I do

[wayoverit]

Don't try too hard, let fate be it's witness. If it's meant to be, it's gonna feel like you don't need to put any effort in it at all. Just be yourself showing some interest in her, and she will meet you in the middle.

 

tylercdurden2004 is dead on.

[Superfreak]

The only "major" lifestyle adjustment you should have to make to get more women is becoming the type of person that's comfortable talking to women whenever an opportunity arises (and even if one doesn't, create your own opportunities).

[Red Fox]

I think most of the effort goes into the finding part I think. Finding someone you like and who likes you is one of the hardest parts and this requires lots of effort because you have to get out there and get into situations where you could meet her.

 

While I agree to an extent what tylercdurden2004 says in that you're not trying to "win" over a girl like in Hollywood, you do have to come accross as a fun and attractive person to be with and you have to have a bit of persistence. When you first ask a woman if she'd like to do something she might say that she is busy. That could be a "brush off" or it just could genuinely be that she is busy at that time and might well say yes to a different date. You can't always just give up and move on at the first sign of a small hurdle (persistence).

 

It's good that if you are going to do something together you do your research - there is no point organising a surprise night out at a nightclub if she hates nightclubs for example. It's important to do things and go to places you both like. You've got to put some effort into doing things once you meet someone you fancy because it gets you noticed - it's very very unlikely that you'll get hit on by doing nothing.

 

So there is effort but I think most of it is in the looking part.

[tylercdurden2004]

When you first ask a woman if she'd like to do something she might say that she is busy. That could be a "brush off" or it just could genuinely be that she is busy at that time and might well say yes to a different date. You can't always just give up and move on at the first sign of a small hurdle (persistence).

 

 

But if you ask a girl (putting yourself out there) and she says she is busy and she is genuinely interested in you, she will counter offer.

 

 

EG I am going to Starbuck on XXXXXXX at XXXX why dont you meet me there.

 

"I'd love to but I have to study for an exam I have next week. But I am free after I am finished."

 

Women who have genuine interest. Ones that arent trying to let you down easy and or are bored will help you out. Trust me on that.

 

I dont see the need to ask twice I she gives me no room to move. You cant convince someone to feel attraction to you but you can convince them go out on a date with you. I dont really want to spend my time with someone who is not attracted to me.

[Madoc]

The only "major" lifestyle adjustment you should have to make to get more women is becoming the type of person that's comfortable talking to women whenever an opportunity arises (and even if one doesn't, create your own opportunities).

 

I agree with that somewhat. I have worked on myself as much as possible when ever I can and I have made many great friends by doing this just no success. As far as Iv'e gone has been just friends with them and thats it most of my friends now are pretty much women which isn't a bad thing I learn more from them than other men my age.

[someguy88]

The key to getting a woman is to win her over and make it appear effortless. I know some guys that try to win a woman over with flowers, expensive dinners and things of that nature, but to me those things are too blatantly obvious. It's like holding up a big sign that says "I like you and I want you to like me back" which is also like saying "I'm yours if you want me" which is another way of saying "I'm easily obtained because I have little value". lol

[Superfreak]

I agree with that somewhat. I have worked on myself as much as possible when ever I can and I have made many great friends by doing this just no success. As far as Iv'e gone has been just friends with them and thats it most of my friends now are pretty much women which isn't a bad thing I learn more from them than other men my age.

 

Well I hoped that it was apparent in my statement that by "talking" to women I also meant that you'd as quickly as possible ask them out once they're comfortable with you.

[CaptainPlanet]

It all just depends on how good looking you are. If you're ugly you're going to put in a lot of effort and fail. If you're good looking girls are going to make it so that you don't have to put in effort and you will quickly succeed.

[iwishiknew]

It all just depends on how good looking you are. If you're ugly you're going to put in a lot of effort and fail. If you're good looking girls are going to make it so that you don't have to put in effort and you will quickly succeed.

 

Thats the problem I have. I am not good looking at all, That is what makes it so hard. I am not very attractive at all and yes I have always failed in getting girls. I have tired putting a little more effort but nothing.

 

If I was good looking I would not have to put a lot of effort into it.

[poloplayer]

The first girl I ever pursued in life rejected me. I was bummed. Since then about 95% of the time women have asked me out, and I've been asked out by a lot of girls. Here is what I did:

 

- Work on yourself (whatever you are doing, do your absolute best - school, work, sports, etc.)

- I'm a really outgoing person, so I speak with everyone. No expectations, just small talk.

- Be nice & friendly with others.

- Make people laugh.

- Do not think about taking her pants off = no problem talking with her.

- Develop interests in life; get hobbies; follow your passions.

- Don't take life too seriously. Have goals in place, work hard at them, but remember that life should not be taken too seriously. This is extremely important in social settings. Keep it fun and happy. Crack jokes. Make people smile. etc.

 

For some reason, some girls found me cute along the way. The one caveat which I have to say is do not lead them on. I made this mistake too many times with girls. Sometimes being really friendly and outgoing gets misconstrued by others.

[tylercdurden2004]

Excellent list Polo.

 

Its good to see you are aware of how your actions can get misconstrued by others. That shows a great deal of thought and responsibility.

[ghost69]

i will initiate conversation. if i'm feeling it i will try and talk more with her. then go for a phone number. if not, i will kill the conversation quickly.