What to do

[slyness22]

I have been dating this girl for a 3 years, and through this time we have had our ups and downs and to save you all from ahving to read a very long anecdote, I just will give a brief summary of the past couple months.

 

We have just been arguing alot lately and it seems to due with her selfishness and self centered behavior (which isn't to say I dont have mine) her's just seriously controls our relationship, and consequently, she has cost me to lose many of my close friends, and I used to not care, because I figured she was the one that mattered, but she has just been making the concept of staying with her seem so daunting. it just seems like every day that goes by I am just drifting away from her and I dont know how to get that spark back or if its even worth it.

 

any help is appreciated!

[beth116]

If I've learned anything from destructive relationships that i've been in, it's that I was much better off without them.

 

Sometimes it needs to come down to simple mathematics: how much happiness do you get out of the relationship versus the amount of pain and suffering? If it's more pain and suffering, then I'd say it's time to move on.

 

You can't really change someone, and if these habits have been going on for 3 years, it would seem unlikely that they will change any time soon.

 

good luck with whatever desicion you make

 

beth

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think it is far better to be alone than to be with a person who is very controlling. Over time you will have your own life completely taken away as she slowly takes control over every single aspect, and you will lose your self-esteem. You have already lost your friends because of this...next it will be your family. This is a bad road to go down.

[finalcloud13]

Yeah, a real loving partner would not coerce you to sacrifice things like friends for them.

 

It's rare for a person to really change themself; It takes much willpower. Usually, they need motivation such as being dumped because of a certain something they do.

 

Anyway, it's not worth it to stay with this one unless positive changes are made, but it really doesn't seem like that'll happen at this point.

[lizer]

can you maybe explain how your GIRLFRIEND is the one making your friends disappear? is she in control of your friends? they are their own people, and so are you. you are a man. you make your own decisions, eh? i dont think its fair to blame her for that. if shes ever told you you cant see your friends, then step up and BE A MAN. you cant blame anyone else but yourself, really.

 

second, you said this has only started becoming an issue in the last few months. why? what changed? was she NOT controlling and self centered the first 2.5 years you dated her (and apparently, were quite content with dating her)... i'd try and figure that out. perhaps try and understand WHY she is controlling. i know you're not her therapist but sometimes it helps to understand, and then to communicate how its hurting you. is she dealing with deep rooted issues in her life?

 

i am really hoping you've already had a sit down with her and expressed what you expressed here.

 

you have to understand, (and this is coming from someone who has definitely shown selfishness and control in relationships)... half the time they dont even notice whats going on. im gonna guess shes dealing with self esteem issues, but what do i know.

 

before you ditch someone after all these many years of being together, be mature about it, and try and dissect WHY this has suddenly become a problem, and not ever before. and talk with HER.