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The difference a year brings

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It has been some time since I've posted in this forum, and I know that is a good, a GREAT thing. I know it is because some changes have happened in me, and I just felt the need to share them here for some of the folks who have helped me, and hopefully for some people who might be in similar situations right now.


Right now, the middle of January, signals one year since my complete and total mental and emotional breakdown over my ex. I'm sure a number of you may be familiar with my story, but in a nutshell, in November 06, my boyfriend of 7 years and I split up after some distance grew between us that we couldn't fix. He pulled away, I tried to pull him close again, and I couldn't. I thought the breakup was on ok terms, but I was in denial for about two months. In January 07, I found out he'd actually left me for someone he works with, and I just snapped at that point. He'd pretended to be just as hurt and upset and confused as me - all the while he was falling madly in love with her supposedly. I couldn't eat for weeks... couldn't think. I cried constantly, felt anxious, uneasy... just horrible ALL THE TIME.


Even when talking to me about it, he would shrug things off... act like things were casual. "I don't know if she's really even my girlfriend... things are 'complicated'..." "It's no big deal...it's not like we are getting married.. I'm just testing the dating waters.."


And he would tell me he missed me too. That he still worried sometime that he made a huge mistake.


Finally I couldn't take things anymore and our contact decreased and then was cut out completely for awhile. I started dating here and there and even started a new relationship of my own, though I knew I was nowhere near healed yet. But I'd definitely begun to hit the 'anger' stage. And what happened next crippled me...


On my ex's birthday, he proposed to the new girl. So much for 'testing the waters'. They were getting married after all. Just when I'd begun to numb myself to things, THIS falls in my lap. I went back and forth between extreme sadness and extreme anger. Of course they had every right to get married... but.. did I have to be the only one who noticed how rushed and tasteless it was? Less than a year ago he was living with me! His family calling ME family, his niece calling ME 'aunt', his sister calling ME 'sis'. It all seemed so unreal. Still does some days...


But... .here is where it changes. Here is where one must stop and realize that he ends and I begin. I don't agree with his choices maybe, but he has acted out of what he feels is right for him, and I have no choice but to honor that. And I have to do what is right for ME at some point and stop being so preoccupied with him. I can't make him do anything. I don't really want to. I want a better life for myself. I want someone who loves me back again.


I was still very upset just a couple months ago when I didn't hear from him on my birthday, but just recently I think something in me has finally started to change. I miss him... I miss talking to him... I miss being his friend. But as long as I'm too hung up on him, I'll be missing myself too.


And it is amazing how this sort of realization happens just in time for the anniversary of when all this pain began....

It takes some time to let yourself heal, but it feels good to finally know that it can happen. So if you are or have been in my shoes recently... my heart goes out to you. Just don't forget to give yourself time, and don't forget that you still have yourself. You have an amazing moment of relief to look forward to.

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Thank you strawberry... it has been quite a journey to say the least. Yes, very painful... but yes, I think I'm finally getting somewhere


About a week or two ago is when I just woke up one day and realized I actually hadn't even thought of him in several days for the first time in ... well.. YEARS. It can and does happen.

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Hey, that's a very inspiring ending to your post! It's great to hear how after the pain is a beautiful realisation. Of course, I guess intellectually we know it's true to an extent even during the pain, but still nice to have it reaffirmed.


Thanks for posting!

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