help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[johnmmm]

Ok, so me a my girlfriend are back about three weeks (going out 3 years, split up 6 weeks). We were over in the town shoping and she was getting out of the car and she dropped her phone. I lifted it (as a joke, hee hee hee) and was going to wait until she relished she hadn’t got it and then tell her I had it... When I had the phone I decided id have a look at her text messages (I know I shouldn’t have) there was one from a boy saying “ I thought we were still going to be friends but that dos not seem to be happening because your no talking to me anymore” dos not seem like much but it got me thinking.. myb this is from someone she was seeing when we where broke up. (i didint do anything when we were broke up)I couldn’t say to her because she would have known that I was reading her text.

 

While we were in the town she kept asking me what was wrong with me and I kept saying nothing.. but I wanted to ask her. Eventually I did ask her but I ended up telling her some bull * * * * store about one of my friends telling me that she was being a bit to friendly with a boy when we where split up.... She denied everything and stormed off,... I went after her and she got into the car and locked the door and started looking for her phone. She asked me if I had it and I couldn’t tell her i had it... so I throw it under the car.(?? not the best idea iv ever had) She let me into the car after a while and asked for my phone so she could phone hers phone. she heard it ringing and then found it under the car.

 

She keeps asking me if I had her phone.. I don’t know what to say. (She knew I had her phone). So I ended up telling her I had it. She told me it was a boy that had goten her number and kept taxing her and she was taxing him after we split up and then stopped when we got back. Now... she’s not talking to me. What do I do. I had take her phone as a joke and just ended up not being able to tell her I had it and now I look like a real ass hole.

 

on the last posting ppl said i should not have read the text.

 

I agree with you all, but if I had not have snooped then I would never had know. And it isn’t the first time I have found out that she has been talking to another boy and didn’t want me to find out about it.

 

I don’t know???????? Mayb its just me? But I always try and be %100 honest, regardless if it the best thing to do or not. Iv told her that girls where chatting me up and asking to sleep with me just because I didn’t want 2 lie.

 

I want her to be honest with me that’s all….. I don’t want to fell like there is something I don’t know about. I don’t want to feel like I have to go looking for something. I want her to say something with out me putting a question mark on it.

 

some ppl may think "you where broke up it non of your business" but she was the one that tryed to get back with me (and did in the end).... this is going to sound bad... but why shouldn't i drop her and go and see if there is something better for me out there???? why should i be the one that keeps all my morals and not do anything or talk to any girl because i think r relationship is worth more? it is getting to me, i feel like im being to nice sometime and she is taking the piss.

 

I don’t think I’m asking to much. I’m a honest person and I just want it returned.

[annie24]

well, whatever was or wasn't happening before, the text you found confirms that she is telling guys now to go away. that's the important thing.

 

if you feel like she is not right for you, that you can do better, then go for it, and leave her. but if you want to make this relationship work, you're going to have to deal with the fact that she may or may not have met other guys during your break, and that you have to move past that and focus on the present. if you can't do that, then break it off for good.

[Russ]

You're looking into it too much.

 

Have you ever heard of the concept of a trial separation? Where a couple separates and is encouraged to date other people to gain perspective on their own relations? That's what this seemed like.

 

She broke up with you, dated some jargoff, saw what the dating world was like at the moment, and you came out smelling like a rose. I wouldn't see it as her trying to find somthing better, but for her trying to preserve something she already had.

[greensleeves]

well, whatever was or wasn't happening before, the text you found confirms that she is telling guys now to go away. that's the important thing.

 

if you feel like she is not right for you, that you can do better, then go for it, and leave her. but if you want to make this relationship work, you're going to have to deal with the fact that she may or may not have met other guys during your break, and that you have to move past that and focus on the present. if you can't do that, then break it off for good.

 

Exactly. A break is just that....otherwise you'd stay together and carry on as usual. If you want to be with her then leave it be or you'll end up pushing her right out of your life for good.

[Entropy Smith]

Sounds like alot of exhausting drama...I'd back off awhile and let htings cool down...

[johnmmm]

Im not trying to push her out of my life, she was the one that broke up with me. I was moving on and she came after me and got back.

 

I love her to bits, I really do but I don’t think she realizes that I can chose as well, that I can say “no mayb I don’t want you” or “no you don’t have me as an option anymore” it pisses me off how she thinks she can do what ever she wants and then turn round and expect me to be there.

[greensleeves]

I know how difficult it is to have someone break up with you and that you've been hurt. So, I get what you're saying, but you had broken up, so it doesn't really matter what happened to either one of you during that time, who broke off with who, or how you ended up back together.

 

Of course you can choose as well and you have now made the choice to get back with her. If you want it to work, you need to let the past go or make the choice to not let it go and risk losing her, because that is what will likely happen if you hang on to it and continue to show her that you don't trust her by doing things like taking her cell phone. She has asked you back into her life, but she can't force you into her life. That is a choice you've made. You said you love her to bits, but you also think that maybe you should go out and see if there's someone better out there for you. If that's how you're feeling and you're doubting that you can trust her, than you need to make the choice whether or not to move on or stay and give it your best shot.

[tylercdurden2004]

Yeah you shouldnt be snooping. Not because I think its morally wrong but because instead of slinking around and putting yourself in positions where you feeling "bad" you need to 'man" up a bit and act "cool." You really need to be watching her actions. Words are a dime a dozen its her actions that matter. Use those and you gut to come to the conclusions. Trust your gut.

 

Now what caused the break up the first time?

 

I mean great you got back together but why did she come back to you? There could be a multitude of reasons. Some better than others. Would it make you feel good if she said " well you know I dated a few guys and realized that you werent such a bad BF after all." or "I realized that I needed to make some changes with in myself." I mean which one sounds better to you? Maybe she just with you because she doesnt see any better options....at this point. Has there been any signs of this in the past?

 

You need to define what you want. Do you want table scraps? Do you want the full roast dinner?

 

I dont know the whole history but there is such thing as being to nice. Its called being a doormat and not going after what YOU want. But before you can go after what you want you have to know what it is that you want.

 

A good book that might help you out is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Porter. Its general premise is that by supplicating and trying to makes things smooth and happy for everyone will leave you unsatisfied.

 

 

 

 

Exactly.