Sarah125 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Let's start from the beginning. I have been seeing this guy since the beginning of June. Honestly, it has been the most amazing relationship I have ever had. It is a totally different feeling. Since we have been together for almost 8 months, I assumed that him and I were a couple. He has introduced me as his girlfriend before. He tells me he loves me, and I'm the love of his life. He says I am his dream girl, and the list goes on and on and on. Well, today I finally asked what he thought of us. He said it was great and fun. I said no like what are we, are we just friends. He said yeah I think we are just friends. Yeah, I was shocked and confused. So I said you don't consider me your girlfriend, and he said no. I asked if he ever would, and he said I don't know. How could someone be with someone for this amount of time and just consider you a friend? If I am just a friend, why does he get jealous when I hang with my guy friends? Why does he tell me he loves me? Like right now, I don't even know what to think or do. I really fell in love with him. He said we would talk about it more later. What do I do? Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 THATS SO MESSED UP. You cut off contact with him, thats what you do. I'd be so pissed. ITS SUCH BULL that he did that to you. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Umm...love of his life...introducing you as his girlfriend. That is not the same thing as friendship. This guy sounds really insensitive AND he has been lying to you and to whomever he introduced you as his girlfriend to. What you will probably do is hear him out and see what he has to say when you talk about it later. If I were in your situation that is what I would do because I would be emotionally tied to the guy. From an outsider's perspective, I'd say just forget about him and don't bother talking to him anymore. But I know that is unrealistic. Hear what he has to say and confront him with his previous statements. If I were you I'd be very curious to see how he justifies them. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Wow... i'm sorry, what a shock! And he's got to get over himself!!! Here's what i'd do... try to stay very calm, and when you talk to him, just ask him questions... write up a list before you do so you can remember what to ask: What does he mean by 'friends', exactly? Does that mean you can date other people? IS he seeing other people? Does he love you, and what does 'love' mean to him? (*whatever else you want to ask him*) Work hard to stay calm and not get emotional from what you are hearing. Really *interview* him until you are sure what he is saying. Don't talk about your own feelings until you have everything out you need to know. Just let him spin all his ideas about the relationship out until you've heard him out. Then once he's done, say something to the fact of: 'Well, that makes it simple. I have plenty of friends, and what i really need is a boyfriend and you're telling me that's not what you want to be, so i guess it's time for me to move on... call me if you think about it and want to be my boyfriend, but otherwise i'm moving on and it's over.' Then get up and walk out! i suspect he will try to give you some babble about how nice things are right now and why can't you just leave it and blah blah blah, but he is not treating you with respect after being together for 9 months, and still wanting his options open! it sounds to me like he is being very smug and confident he is in control of the situation AND you, and like he expects to call all the shots and have his cake and eat it too... really something else just to backpeddle from the 'i love you's' like it is nothing.. don't let him get away with it. But he has to miss you and the relationship to recognize what it really means to him... and if it doesn't mean that much to him, you are better off moving on to begin with. Don't under any circumstances take him back on his terms or a friends with benefits situation becuase then he is just using you while he scopes around for someone better. after 9 months he should be acknowledging you as his girlfriend, or you should be moving on. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Put well. If he doesn't contact you after you leave, you never had him and its for the better. Anyone who'd pull something like this isn't really worth having around. Damn, I'd be pissed (sorry can't get over it). Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 That's so wrong! It sounds to me like someone else is involved. My ex did something like that. When we were still together she started saying things like 'of course I love you, you're my best friend.' And I was like * * * ? I'm you're girlfriend. She dumped me not long afterwards and went out with someone else straight away. This guy sounds like he's met someone else and rather than breaking up with you, thinks he can pull off saying that you were always just friends. Were you sleeping together? Cos just friends don't do that! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 What a looser. Tell him to change his tune or thats it. You leave him. He chases you and changes it round then give it another chance. If he isnt bothered then he isnt the man for you. Link to comment
Delusional Kisses Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Be careful what you look for...you just might find it? I'm not being insensitive in the least, but when I read your post, it sounded like you were being insecure and looking for this outcome. I know....I do it myself. You asked him "are we just friends?" He may have assumed that is what you thought since you asked it. Obviously, he didn't think you were "just friends" when he said he loved you and introduced you as his girlfriend. But, like me, instead of leaving it at that.....you may have pushed him too far and you finally got the answer you wanted. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 i'd say you are his hook up buddy. he gets jealous cause he is a caveman and another guy moving in on his territory makes him upset. he wants you, but he doesn't want you. blow this guy off. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 i'd say you are his hook up buddy. he gets jealous cause he is a caveman and another guy moving in on his territory makes him upset. he wants you, but he doesn't want you. blow this guy off. I wish I was aware of this sooner. Sometimes we women are dumb enough to think that just b/c he gets jealous, he cares about us. Link to comment
Sarah125 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 so he called me last night. He said I was wonderful, and I am a great girl. He said he was sorry if he hurt me. He just wants to make me happy, and he does love me. Now, I am more confused then ever. Link to comment
Delusional Kisses Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 so he called me last night. He said I was wonderful, and I am a great girl. He said he was sorry if he hurt me. He just wants to make me happy, and he does love me. Now, I am more confused then ever. What exactly do you want? What is your ideal situation? Link to comment
Sarah125 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 What exactly do you want? What is your ideal situation? I want him to spend more time with me and for him to consider me his girlfriend. I am not asking for a ring, I just want to know he is going to be committed to me. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I'd be careful. I don't like how he says one thing, and then says another. Its just weird. I would make sure he meant it when he was saying those things. I'd question him, I'd say, "Are you sure?" and I'd say, "I'm giving you a few days to decide what you really want. I'll call you and see what decision you've made," after I've made it clear that I want a committal relationship. But thats just me. It isn't ideal...I really don't like how he's changing his mind on you. Its unstable and scary. I'd have a hard time trusting a guy that unreliable. Link to comment
Delusional Kisses Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Yeah, I agree with the last post. Put it all out there...say what you want and what you expect. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 watch his actions instead of listening to his crap words. another reason guys like this get jealous, they see another guy hit on you, then they are like 'what does this guy see that i don't?' then boom, they are all up in the biz to try and ruin it. i've done it. Link to comment
Sarah125 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 watch his actions instead of listening to his crap words. another reason guys like this get jealous, they see another guy hit on you, then they are like 'what does this guy see that i don't?' then boom, they are all up in the biz to try and ruin it. i've done it. He would get mad when I hung out with a guy friend and accuse me of cheating on him. He always accuses me of sleeping with my roommate. I just don't get it. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 He would get mad when I hung out with a guy friend and accuse me of cheating on him. He always accuses me of sleeping with my roommate. I just don't get it. this guy is really confusing for you. you need to ask him straight up. and tell him you want the commitment. if that is in fact what you want. you need to clear this status up with him. tell him he can't be pissy without the commitment either. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 so he called me last night. He said I was wonderful, and I am a great girl. He said he was sorry if he hurt me. He just wants to make me happy, and he does love me. Now, I am more confused then ever. What was your response to all this? Did you tell him you wanted to be his girlfriend? It sounds like he's saying a lot of confusing things but you haven't asserted what you want. Link to comment
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