NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I am looking for some pointers. Female POV would be especially appreciated. So, I went on the first date with this girl this past weekend. Everything went great - definitely felt chemistry and a connection. Saw many positive signals from her - lots of conversation, eye contact, smiling, flirting, joking, etc. It was a great time. Here's why I am confused, and I think I might have screwed up...you tell me... While I was driving home after the date, I got a text message from her saying "my cousin is here!" I wasn't really sure how to respond to that. It seemed kind of random. I got it when I was almost home, had a headache, and was pretty damn tired, so I didn't respond and just went to bed. Two days had passed, and we hadn't spoken. I got an email from her saying, "Hey there....here's my email address, if you still want it." Again, I thought it was pretty strange, and it sounded like she thought I didn't like her or something, maybe because I never responded to her text and we hadn't talked in a few days. I wrote back to her as soon as I got it. It was a really quick email, just like "hey, had a good time this weekend. how about we go out again sometime?" What has me confused is that it has been three days and she hasn't replied to me yet, although I have seen her online on IM everyday for the past few days. Neither one of us has messaged each other. I'm not sure if I put her off, she wants me to chase her, or what. I'm not so much inclined to make another move, because I already put myself out there. What do you guys think I should do? I do like the girl, and definitely want to go out with her again, but I don't want to come off as desperate. I'm wondering if I should call her tonight, wait a few more days and see if she responds, or maybe I should just drop it, because I already did ask her out (by email though....) and she just didn't respond, so that's that? Link to comment
Red Dwarf Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Hmmm, she has already pulled back a little. You didn't respond to her text!?!? Then a weak asss email back to her. Try not to let it turn into a game. She obviously does like you, but is also protecting herself. Call her. Just do it. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Hmmm, she has already pulled back a little. You didn't respond to her text!?!? Then a weak asss email back to her. Try not to let it turn into a game. She obviously does like you, but is also protecting herself. Call her. Just do it. Red Dwarf, do you think I should call her and ask her out again, or just talk to her for now and maybe ask out in a week or so? Link to comment
Red Dwarf Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Honestly, i would call her and ask her for a coffee, movie, anything thats appropriate. Let her KNOW you are interested. Take the risk that she says no. I doubt she will. Apologise for not getting back to her with her text. Don't grovel, don't repeat it, just say hey, sorry it took a while to get back to you. Games can form very easily, and when they do, they are horrible stupid mind melds. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Red Dwarf, do you think I should call her and ask her out again, or just talk to her for now and maybe ask out in a week or so? Wait a day or so and call her and ask her. She's just protecting herself like he said. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 If I'm reading your post right, it doesn't sound like you actually did ask her out again...you just gave a vague "how about we go out again sometime?"...that doesn't count as asking her for another date. If you'd like to see her again, call her and ask her to do something specific on a specific day. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 If I'm reading your post right, it doesn't sound like you actually did ask her out again...you just gave a vague "how about we go out again sometime?"...that doesn't count as asking her for another date. If you'd like to see her again, call her and ask her to do something specific on a specific day. Good point. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Next time I would respond to a text like that with at least a "that's nice - have a good night, talk soon" and then call her and ask her out on a date so it's clear. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Next time I would respond to a text like that with at least a "that's nice - have a good night, talk soon" and then call her and ask her out on a date so it's clear. It's totally short notice because it's Thursday already, but she lives about an hour away from me, and I'm planning to be in her area this weekend to visit family, so I'm thinking I might ask her out for Saturday night. Here's what I'm thinking. I'll call her up tonight, apologize that we haven't spoken in a few days, tell her again that I had fun on our date last weekend, tell her I'm going to be in the area on Saturday night, would she like to do something. Does that sound good guys? Is it too fast? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 At this point I would focus more on her feeling special - I wouldn't say you were going to be in the area anyway. Just ask her out on a date. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 I'm thinking I might also send her a text this morning just saying hi or something and then call her tonight. That doesn't sound too desperate? Ah, I over think everything. Link to comment
Censored Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Hmmmm, make sure it is about YOU wanting to do something with her. So instead of would she like to do something......make it more like....I would really like to with you Just my two cents. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 The text sounds needy - like you're doing it so that you can give yourself an excuse not to call her if she doesn't text back. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I agree with Batya....that makes it sound like she's an afterthought. Also, asking someone for a Saturday date on a Thursday night might be kinda late, so you may want to add something like "I know this is probably late to ask" or something along those lines when you do ask her. If she says no for Saturday, try to set up another date while you're still on the phone with her for Sunday or the following weekend. Edit: Batya had posted again before my post came up...so just to clarify: The afterthough comment was related to you saying you were going to be in her area on Saturday night and Batya saying just ask her out and leave that part of it out of the conversation. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 The text sounds needy - like you're doing it so that you can give yourself an excuse not to call her if she doesn't text back. Hmm....That wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but yeah now that you put it that way, I would probably be less inclined to call if she didn't respond, especially after not responding to my email. I just think it's strange that she wrote me, I wrote back, but she didn't respond. Then again, I didn't respond to her text. I guess I didn't see it as a big deal, because she was talking about her cousin. Not like I know him or anything. I'm gonna stop thinking now and just call her tonight. That will get me an answer. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Stop worrying about it. You're the man- so pursue her and don't worry about getting hurt...its too early for that anyways. Call her and ask her for another date...she probably likes you but you can't come off wishy washy. I also think its a good idea to make her feel special. Don't apologize for anything, you haven't done anything wrong! She'll be happy to hear from you, I think... Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 texts/emails/im's....are no substitute for a phone call Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 give her a call with a specific day/time/activity. and let us know how it goes! good luck Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Ok, so I called her when I got out of work. She didn't pick up and it went to her voicemail. I left her a msg pretty much like what we talked about... Hey, I'm just heading out of work. I know it's probably too late in the week to ask, but I was wondering if you were free this Saturday night to go have dinner and see a movie. I had a really nice time when we went out last weekend, and I'd love to see you again. I know it's late in the week and I would understand if you already had plans, but I figured I'd give it a shot cause I'd like to see you. Give me a call back when you have a chance and let me know what's going on. Take care. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 sounds good - let us know what happens. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Nice voice mail....good luck! Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Nice voice mail....good luck! Ok, so I got a response that I was kinda disappointed with. I was on the phone with my friend, and I come back to my computer and there's and IM from her. First thing that hit me is why did she IM instead of calling me back. She said that she has no time to do anything this weekend. I just wrote back to her and said if you want to do something, just give me a call and let me know what's up. She said, ok i will this is just a crazy weekend and that she's hanging out with her friend on saturday night. To me, it sounds like it's pretty much done. I put myself out there, and I thought I made a good effort. I didn't like how she didn't call me back and IMed instead. I also felt that she could have suggested an alternative date to get together if she was interested. I don't plan on making another move. If for some odd reason she does become interested, she can call me. I plan on leaving this where it is and not initiating any further contact with her. Everyone pretty much agree? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 yeah, i agree with your assessment. sorry. she does sound like a weird one though. i dunno - maybe she is trying to 'play hard to get' and hoping you will ask her out another 3 times before she says yes. that would be kind of silly though, but some girls do it. she does seem odd, afterall, she did text you about her cousin and then said, 'here is my email if you still want it.' odd....... anyways, don't feel bad about it. you are a good guy, continue your search. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 yeah, i agree with your assessment. sorry. she does sound like a weird one though. i dunno - maybe she is trying to 'play hard to get' and hoping you will ask her out another 3 times before she says yes. that would be kind of silly though, but some girls do it. she does seem odd, afterall, she did text you about her cousin and then said, 'here is my email if you still want it.' odd....... anyways, don't feel bad about it. you are a good guy, continue your search. Yeah, and I'm not gonna play that game with her either. It was late in the week, but she could have suggested Sunday, sometime next week, or even next weekend if she was interested in seeing me again. Heck, she could have at least had the courtesy to call me back. You're right, Annie, the email from her was really odd. It pretty much told me she was interested and wanted to hear from me, and I did write her back. I kinda feel like I screwed this up by not responding to her text, but then again, it was more so because I just didn't know what to say. I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I feel like I definitely made effort afterwards. When she sent me that email, I wrote back to her within 2 hours of getting it. It was short, but I told her I had a good time during our last date. I joked with her about losing to her in bowling , and said we should go out again sometime. She ignores it. I follow with a phone call, and I get an IM rejection with no forward-looking plans. There I go overanalyzing again......grrrr....! Now that I have typed that all out, I don't feel so bad anymore. I know some people said earlier that I didn't make enough effort and I put her off, but now I feel like she was just playing with me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 well, i wouldn't have responded to the 'my cousin is here!' text either. i mean, it wasn't asking a question or anything, it was really random. maybe it wasn't even meant for you? those are all things i would be thinking if i got such a text, i would be like, 'ok..... random!' and like you said, you responded to her other email and asked her out, so yeah, i think you did well. sorry about the weirdness. Link to comment
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