tray25 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 She has a four month old baby. I went on a date with her, she is hot, and a great personality. But she has a baby at home!! I didn't know what to say so I just acted like it didn't bother me. But it kinda does. But it also doesn't. The baby is a bastard too because I guess it was a one night stand and the father is nowhere to be found. Its not the kids fault but the way I was raised, this is just the way you look at things. I have no idea what to do. I am suppose to hang out with her again. She's a great gal, but.......What would you do? Link to comment
Red Dwarf Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I would kick you in the teeth. Leave her alone for someone who can really care about her, and atleast show her some respect. You don't have to like kids. So find some hot, non-mum to hang with. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 If you don't feel that being with someone who has a child is something you can handle then you should move on. A single parent has enough going on in their life without the added burden of having a relationship, or even dating someone who has misgivings about them having a child. Don't waste her time, because she' probably a very busy person. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Um - you should let her be. There is no way you should date her if you are feeling doubts about the fact she is a single mum. Getting involved with someone with children is something that can be hard even for those whom are willing to do it 100%. And, there is no way in hell I would date someone whom considered a child of mine (I don't have any by the way, but if I did) a "bastard". Yikes, you may have been "brought up that way" but as adults we have the power to change our thinking and show some respect for others. Link to comment
Censored Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I would kick you in the teeth. . Hmmmmmmm...........I didn't say it, but that's it in a nutshell. Seriously, what are you doing? Leave her alone. As far as describing her child like that, grow up Link to comment
alcide Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 She has a four month old baby. I went on a date with her, she is hot, and a great personality. But she has a baby at home!! I didn't know what to say so I just acted like it didn't bother me. But it kinda does. But it also doesn't. The baby is a bastard too because I guess it was a one night stand and the father is nowhere to be found. Its not the kids fault but the way I was raised, this is just the way you look at things. I have no idea what to do. I am suppose to hang out with her again. She's a great gal, but.......What would you do? Make sure that she is done with her one night stand sleeping around and would love you and settle down if thats what you looking for. Go date her with your eyes open. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 >>The baby is a bastard If you are going to think of her child in any kind of negative way, then don't date her. the child is part of the package and doesn't deserve someone who thinks badly of the child because of the circumstances of its birth. It sounds that if your first assessment of her is 'she is hot' then you are in the stage of life where you want to chase hot girls and not be into family life, so i think this woman is a mismatch for your goals right now and it is better for you to move on. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I agree with BeStrongBeHappy, RayKay, and Red Dwarf. You are too immature to see her for the person she is, you say she is hot and her baby is a bastard. While technically (re: dictionary term) its true, you should never use it because its an inherently extremely offensive and negative word.. That right there made me steam.. i dont really like kids either.. some i adore, but to call one a bastard just makes my blood boil. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 i don't want to come down hard on you, i think that the emotions you are experiencing are quite normal and biologically natural. it's definitely an evolutionary turn-off when you meet a woman who already has a child with another man. she's going to be spending her resources rasing this other man's child, and have less resources for yours. from a biological perspective, your feelings make complete sense. and with no father in the picture, he isn't contributing money to the child's upbringing either. it's not as if this is a child from a long-term ex, and he is helping pay for the child's upbringing and all.... that said, i'd leave her alone and find a woman with no children. Link to comment
Myk_ Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Everyone is being very harsh to the OP. "I'd kick you in the teeth" - Why may I ask? The OP has come on here asking for help, but instead been called names by everyone, and is being painted as a shallow person. How is he? He has a situation where he doesnt know what to do. Obviously he doesnt like the idea of a baby in a relationship, but clearly must quite like the mother if he doesn't know what to do. I for one can stand here and say that I don't want a relationship with a woman who already has a child. It's my personal preference. For starters, being 20, I don't need experience of babies in my life yet. Perhaps if I ever met a woman in the future, and I dated her a few times, felt some really strong connection, and was a lot older, I might think differently. But I don't think the OP should be victimised as 'shallow' for thinking in this light. and also, when he referred to the baby as a 'bastard', he was using it as a term for a child born out of wedlock. He wasnt being disrespectful or anything, jeeeeez... Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 She has a four month old baby. I went on a date with her, she is hot, and a great personality. But she has a baby at home!! I didn't know what to say so I just acted like it didn't bother me. But it kinda does. But it also doesn't. The baby is a bastard too because I guess it was a one night stand and the father is nowhere to be found. Its not the kids fault but the way I was raised, this is just the way you look at things. I have no idea what to do. I am suppose to hang out with her again. She's a great gal, but.......What would you do? there was a time in my life i would have ruled her out.Maturity has taught me that we all have baggage and a past. Always remember the baby will be the #1 priority in her life. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Bastard is a derogitory term. plain and simple. Just like Btich is. The baby is a bastard too because I guess it was a one night stand and the father is nowhere to be found When he could have said: I think her baby was born from a one night stand and the father is nowhere to be found. He's like saying "well as if her having a baby wasnt bad enough he's a bastard too!" Link to comment
Myk_ Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Bastard is a derogitory term. plain and simple. Just like Btich is. The baby is a bastard too because I guess it was a one night stand and the father is nowhere to be found When he could have said: I think her baby was born from a one night stand and the father is nowhere to be found. He's like saying "well as if her having a baby wasnt bad enough he's a bastard too!" My parents werent married when I was born, that thereforeeee makes me a bastard. I don't take offence to this fact. Granted it isnt the nicest of terms, but it is still a word in the dictionary that means to be born out of wedlock. And besides, Im sure the OP didnt mean any offence by using the term. It's just I guess that when people see the words 'baby' and 'bastard' together in a sentence, their automatic reaction is "OMG, *mod edit* I cant believe you said that!!111!!" Link to comment
EQD Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 My parents werent married when I was born, that thereforeeee makes me a bastard. I don't take offence to this fact. Granted it isnt the nicest of terms, but it is still a word in the dictionary that means to be born out of wedlock. And besides, Im sure the OP didnt mean any offence by using the term. It's just I guess that when people see the words 'baby' and 'bastard' together in a sentence, their automatic reaction is "OMG, * * * I cant believe you said that!!111!!" hey, i read the dictionary.. i know what you are saying.. but that is an old term, and just like alot of old terms bastard is one that has had a firmly negative connotation to it, and in todays modern day society is used soley in this manner. Like hey, i can say A$$ because in the dictionary it means--- No one takes the word bastard as a completely "by the book" harmless statement. You said it yourself it "isnt the nicest terms" .. because its a negative word now. So when the OP used it, its obvious that he harbors some disdain or disrespect when he used it. Thats what we are bashing him for. My aunt has a child.. two actually who are both out of wedlock, but it would take some sort of disdain or hate to call them bastards.. i hope you see where i am going with this... Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 No one said he could not have preferences, when I was younger I would not date men with children either. However, to state the things he did about her child, and his not wanting to get involved with someone with children yet wanting to continue to date her as she is "hot" is NOT acceptable. It is unfair to her and a waste of her time. As for the term "bastard" it may be in the dictionary still, but even the DICTIONARY calls it archaic and derogatory: bastard /baastimage removedrd/ • noun 1 archaic or derogatory an illegitimate person. 2 informal an unpleasant or despicable person. 3 informal a person of a specified kind: the poor bastard. • adjective 1 archaic or derogatory illegitimate. 2 no longer in its pure or original form. — ORIGIN Latin bastardus. From link removed Just because something is in the dictionary does not mean it is respectful or "right". There are plenty of derogatory names in the dictionary as it is meant to provide definitions, not be respectful. Link to comment
Myk_ Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I see your point, but the way everyone jumped down his throat straight away was very harsh. I genuinly believe the OP used the term in the least disrespectful way possible. I doubt he thought he'd cause any offence by using it. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I see your point, but the way everyone jumped down his throat straight away was very harsh. I genuinly believe the OP used the term in the least disrespectful way possible. I doubt he thought he'd cause any offence by using it. we shall see how you feel when you have a kid and they call em a bastard. You seem a little insensitive to it, and more sympathetic to the OP than we are for using that term.. *shrug* he wanted our advice and response, we gave it to him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 fine, i guess in the same way that you wouldn't go up to a person on the street, look at their dog, and say, 'nice btich!!!' while technically a correct term, it's not a polite term anymore. but i do think people came down pretty hard on the OP. i feel fairly uncomfortable dating men with children. and her not knowing who the father is kind of skanky. sorry if that is not PC, but shouldn't you know who your baby daddy is? Link to comment
tray25 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 I'm sorry I asked. Thanks for all the negative comments for something that was a FACT. Archaic or not, the childs father is unknown. thereforeeee, in many countries, socities and cultures, this is a bastard. If the father was known and he was in the kids life, that would be different. Jesus man, you people are unbelievable. thanks annie and myk for kinda understanding what I was saying. Some people here need a copy of the dictionary around. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Actually, according to the definition in the DICTIONARY which I posted above - it applies to "illegitimate" children so if the father was "around" and known, the child would still be under your use of the term a "bastard" - in this day and age MANY children are born outside wedlock and as the DICTIONARY also says, the term is archaic and derogatory, and it really IS archaic thinking. There are plenty of terms in the dictionary that are derogatory because they are still "language"; that is what a dictionary is for. It does not mean the use of those terms is fair, respectful or reasonable. It is fine if you do not want to date her based on her having a child, as I said when I was younger I would not date someone with children either, but there is NO need to call her child derogatory names either. Just tell her you are not interested in dating and move on. Link to comment
tray25 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 There is a reason why it's derogatory. Thanks anyways. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 There is a reason why it's derogatory. Thanks anyways. take it this way.. she will be better off without ya Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 all these girls can yell at you. but this would bug me. i wouldn't be as vulgar with my wording about her mistake, but i'd be out. i couldn't deal with this situation. i want a girl with 0 baggage. Link to comment
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