flattered?

[Creamybutter]

Of late, I've been obviously, intentionally openly glancing at the person I like.

 

Whenever He feels me looking, he grins really hard, but doesn't look back at me at all. He'll smile broadly and look down or straight ahead, and continue doing whatever hes doing...

 

Do most people react this way?

[Red Dwarf]

He might be shy.

 

Do you talk to him or just stare at him?

Talk to him, and go for lunch. Simple

[Gratsy]

He's shy...its SOOOOOO CUTE. Just go talk to him. Be friendly.

[Batya33]

Sounds like he gets a kick out of the attention - ego boost - and at times finds it annoying. Says nothing about whether he is interested in getting to know you.

[Gratsy]

Well, it could be that...but I think he also could be shy. Try being friendly...don't overthink or expect anything other than a fun flirtation. Be light.

[Batya33]

Well, it could be that...but I think he also could be shy. Try being friendly...don't overthink or expect anything other than a fun flirtation. Be light.

 

Yes, he could be shy - anything is possible. Men who are shy and see that a woman is staring at them will most often get over their shyness and ask a woman out on a date if they are interested or available. In this case the man in question has done nothing but smile back or look away so it's not possible to tell if he is interested in doing more than playing peek a boo. The OP will know if he is interested in dating her if and when he asks her out.

 

I should add that a shy man who is interested in dating a woman typically will ask a woman out on a date even if there is no staring or similar encouragement so in this case it's a no brainer.

 

My guess is that since this is at work he looks away because her behavior might be seen as inappropriate and unprofessional in the workplace (if that is where it is going on).

[Gratsy]

I think its better to adopt that philosophy to be on the safe side, however I think that in some cases if the guy is shy he won't ask unless he's encouraged with smiling, mild flirtation, etc

[PixelPusher]

Sounds like he is flattered and a bit shy. Why not take the next step and start a conversation? If you continue to stare at him, it will go from "interest" to "I plan on stalking and killing you." LOL

[Batya33]

I think its better to adopt that philosophy to be on the safe side, however I think that in some cases if the guy is shy he won't ask unless he's encouraged with smiling, mild flirtation, etc

 

Yes I agree that she should be warm, friendly and approachable. Just staring gets bizarre after a short while. I was responding to her specific question as to what his reaction meant.

[Gratsy]

Yes I agree that she should be warm, friendly and approachable. Just staring gets bizarre after a short while. I was responding to her specific question as to what his reaction meant.

 

Yeah but in my opinion whether he asks is contingent on whether she does those things...so sometimes a guy will be interested but is too shy to ask...

[Batya33]

Right. I believe that an adult male, shy or otherwise, will, if he is interested in dating a woman and available to date, ask her out on a date. If an adult male is so painfully shy he cannot even manage to ask a woman to have coffee with him I would say he is not available to date despite being interested. I do agree that a woman should put in the effort regardless of whether a man is shy or not, to be friendly, warm and approachable. However, in my experience even if the woman does not an interested and available adult male, shy or otherwise will in general ask the woman out. The warm/friendly and approachable is for those women who find themselves questioning whether he is "shy or uninterested" (most often, it is the latter, with rare exception it is the former).

 

One example of many is my bf. When we first met years ago and dated (round one of dating) he was very very shy. I was friendly in a professional sense (we worked at the same company). It took him months to get up the courage to ask me out but he did it by getting encouragement from and even some coaching from his friends. When a man is that interested, he finds a way.

 

I think staring as the sole way of conveying interest and then analyzing the "reaction" is hit or miss and generally unproductive after about the 6th grade.

[Creamybutter]

First of all, I never said this was at work. This is some other guy at where im studying.

 

I think staring as the sole way of conveying interest and then analyzing the "reaction" is hit or miss and generally unproductive after about the 6th grade.

 

Quite frankly I'm finding your posts a tad bit annoying. Fine, You are entitled to an opinion, and there may be truth to what you say...but since when did your Bf represent the entire shy male population? Everybody is different.

How can you stereotype or have such fixed assumptions about something as fluid as behavior? that too of the opposite gender?

 

I understand you have good intentions here, but seriously read your post. Maybe you can convey it in a less arrogant manner.

 

FYI, I dont mean to upset you or start a fight. Im just expressing my opinion about your posts.

[Batya33]

Thanks for sharing your opinion! My opinion is based on mine and hundreds of adult women and male experiences over the last two decades. I am not sure whose posts you are reading but I never said my bf was my only experience - that was just one of many examples.

 

And, if you read many many other posts on this forum you will see that my opinion - that if an adult male is interested and available to date he will ask out that woman on a date even if she is shy and that it is a good idea for the woman to act friendly and interested and approachable. In my opinion, staring as you described without making conversation, etc quickly becomes strange and often creepy/a turn off.

 

I also base my opinion in my success in interacting with men and watching many others successfully interact with men. Analyzing a reaction to a stare is interesting but in my opinion counterproductive if you are interested in finding a serious relationship with an adult man.

 

So - nope, no stereotypes here - generalizations based on my experiences with hundreds of adult men and women - you bet. Works for me. How is your approach working for you?

 

Good luck with all including your approach and thanks so much again for sharing your opinion!

[ghost69]

wrong. but that's your belief. this is why i say that YOU batya always say it's up to the guy to do stuff. bogus.

 

 

 

it's your opinion. not hundres of women. still yours. and i hope you are saying it's based on your interaction with males instead of males' opinions. cause you can't validate that.

 

to the OP, while batya can seem like she is pushy with her statements, there are some truth to them. i don't think they are always 100% though. but she is right, you need to start talking to the guy and be warm and flirtatious than friendly. unless u want to gain a friend. give him some clues. he might have these questions about you in his head. but if he doesn't get the hint, ask him out for coffee. yes, women can do this. like batya said, but didn't say, this isn't 6th grade anymore. but i believe women can make moves. and before she says 'anytime a woman made a move the relationship didn't last long' or whatever, bull. they do work. happened with me.

[Batya33]

Absolutely it's just my opinion - never said different. It is based on what I have seen work and not work with hundreds of women and men over the years, ages 20s to 40s. People have written books with the same opinions (not saying they are right either just pointing out that my opinion is far from the minoriy) I like how you criticized me for giving my opinion then gave your own about the staring behavior. lol. I never ever said 100% - that would be silly, there are always exceptions.

 

I would bet money though that a man with character and integrity would not choose as his girlfriend someone whose main means of interaction was the staring game described by the OP. In particular he might worry about her social skils were he to introduce her to his friends or family - would she stare at people randomly? Also, it's interesting that the OP thinks my opinions are "pushy" - to me, that kind of staring is pushy.

 

He might go for it if he just wanted to get some for a night or three. More likely, it would make him a bit flattered but mostly self-conscious or perhaps sympathetic to the woman.

 

I've been on the other side of that kind of staring. It's not fun particularly if it's someone you have to see every day at work or at school. And that is true even if he is attractive. Quickly becomes creepy and a turn off.

 

I've read other threads by this poster, it seems that she focuses all her energies on one "crush" or another and picks apart what she sees as "signs" of interest. If I were she I would put all that energy into being warm, friendly and approachable and when a man asks her out on a date, focus her energies on being someone who is fun and interesting to be with - and if she focuses her energies now on getting involved in a variety of activities other than staring, ;-) that may work out just fine.

 

The easier way is to attack those who suggest that passive staring and analyzing the reactions might not be an effective way to find a relationship. But it does require a whole lot less effort than those of us who did the dating bootcamp thing ;-)

[Gratsy]

I'm not trying to be difficult but your boyfriend is one man. He must have REALLY liked you. I'm still okay with a guy who is only mildly interested early on...someone who might be interested but fears rejection. I am a emotionally perceptive person...I might be wrong but in the past I've managed to discourage shy men who were going to ask me out by the way I acted towards them (professionally friendly but cold). Men who were shy around me that I wanted to ask me out...I'd encourage them with smiles and so on. Usually as long as I was aware of the interest in some way, I could ensure the outcome by the way I acted towards them (whether they asked or not), so it was largely dependent on me for whether or not they asked. Also, its why signs are something that are sometimes important with me-- because I could be aware of that interest.

When I have problems, sometimes its because I'm too shy to do enough encouraging. I wonder if I've missed oppurtunities b/c I haven't acted friendly or warm enough to men who were very shy & inexperienced with women.

I agree though with your methods as they are just in general safer. Its much easier and requires less anxiety. I think its better to assume what you say about shy men is true, even if there is a chance it might not be.

[Batya33]

My boyfriend is just one example of many many. (I've written this a number of times now but figured I'd repeat it). He did really like me. I was never interested in getting a guy with mediocre interest in me to go on a real date with me (I dont' consider first meets through the internet to be a real date - so I'm fine with the "why not - let's meet for coffee and see what happens"). Dating is hard enough without feeling like you have to try to increase the interest of a reluctant person. Been there, done that, etc. Particularly in a situation - which is typical - where the men have their pick of single ladies - if they're not really interested the evening likely will be pulling teeth.

 

And yes I think women need to be warm and friendly -not overeager but not cold either.

[Gratsy]

My boyfriend is just one example of many many. (I've written this a number of times now but figured I'd repeat it). He did really like me. I was never interested in getting a guy with mediocre interest in me to go on a real date with me (I dont' consider first meets through the internet to be a real date - so I'm fine with the "why not - let's meet for coffee and see what happens"). Dating is hard enough without feeling like you have to try to increase the interest of a reluctant person. Been there, done that, etc. Particularly in a situation - which is typical - where the men have their pick of single ladies - if they're not really interested the evening likely will be pulling teeth.

 

And yes I think women need to be warm and friendly -not overeager but not cold either.

 

Meh, you're probably right. I've been in the reluctant situation a lot of times.